Helena Puns

For example I have: What's the capital of Alaska? I'm pretty sure Juneau (You know)

• Accounts Payable Administrator_______________Imelda Czechs

• Accounts Payable Clerk, Moscow Office__________Dasha Chekhov

• Air-Quality Monitor _________________________Carmine Dioxide

• Caffeine Addiction Counselor__________________Bruno Moore

• Chief Legal Counsel_________________________ Hugh Louis Dewey of Dewey, Cheetham & Howe

• Cliche Monitor_____________________________Saul Wellingood

• Clothing Designer__________________________Hugh Jass

• Credit Counselor___________________________Max Stout

• Director of Purchasing_______________________Lois Bidder

• Director of Pavlovian Research________________Isabelle Ringing

• Divorce Attorney___________________________Carmine Nottyors

• Dog Trainer_______________________________Don Chase Katz

• Ebay Specialist____________________________Selma Junkoff

• Head of Security___________________________Barb Dwyer

• Global Economics Forecaster_________________Helena Handbasket

• Marine Biologist___________________________Frieda Wales

• Father-in-Law Liaison_______________________Royal Payne Diaz

• Mother-in-Law Liaison______________________Stella Payne Diaz

• Official Spokesperson_______________________Howie Vasive

• Restroom Attendants_______________________Trudy Door & Donna Hall

• Russian Chauffeur__________________________Picov Andropov

• Scout Leader______________________________Lawson D. Woods

• Shop Foreman_____________________________Luke Bizzy

• Staff Intuitionist____________________________Ivan Inkling

• Used Car Salesman_________________________Alexis Itznot

Full list can be found here: http://www.cartalk.com/content/staff-credits

The conversation started on lunch with discussion of Helena Bonham Carter and how she has royalty in her veins.

Me: As long as she isn't royalty from Wales, it's cool.

Coworker: What's wrong with the Welsh?!

I stare blankly for a moment before opening my mouth to speak.

Coworker: They make really great juice!!

Cue collective groaning from around the conference/lunch room table.

So I was telling my father that I was considering applying to Carroll college.

Him: Where are they again? Me: Helena, Montana. Him: Oh, awesome! You can probably get a really good internship at their big handbasket company! Me: What? I didn't know they made baskets there. Him: Really? You haven't ever heard of Helena Handbasket?