Yesterday, my wife asked me "How do I look?"

I replied "Oh that's easy, you just use your eyes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RogerThatKid
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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"Where the heck have you been for the last 2 hours?"

"I went to have my hair cut."

"But ! You're on company time."

"Well, my hair grows on company time."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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I really care about them
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KetoSaiba
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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What do you call an elderly rabbit?

Harold.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Insonarc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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checking

Little Harold attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Harold asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Harold, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ....'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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I had this one teacher at school, who actually didn't like other people...

... her name was Miss Anne Thrope.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stgm_at
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2018
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My dad asked me (back in 2005), 'What was the prime ministers name in 1970?'

I replied; 'Harold MacMillan?' (I was wrong!)

and dad said, 'Nope, it was Tony Blair'.

'But Tony Blair wasn't prime minister in 1970!'

'No but his name was still Tony Blair!'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GTBlues
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2017
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Dad Joked my mom

Watching the news when they mentioned billionaire Harold Hamm's divorce settlement, and it showed the check he wrote his wife. My mom said she'd never seen a check that big, when I replied "It's a normal size check, it's just on a large screen..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jomajorsh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2015
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A screwdriver walks into a bar...

The bartender looks over at him and says " Hey, I've got a drink named after you!" Confused, the screwdriver looks to the bartender and replies, "You've got a drink named Harold?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthokne
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2015
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Got my girlfriend tonight ...

As we were lookong for the year that Harold and Kumar go to White Castle was made on the dvd case ..

Her: I can't find it, its not on the case.

Me: well then, I guess that means its Timeless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/taterr_salad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2015
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Driving to a hospital i had never been to before, girlfriend's mom was giving directions.

Driving down the road the hospital entrance in question was on:

Me: So where do i need to turn in to get there?

Her: See that Harold's sign there, the big star?

Me: Yeah...

Her: Drive right past it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spectre100
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2014
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