Shirley Puns

Turns out I’d left my phone in Airplane mode.

I forgot I left it in Airplane mode.

I must have left my phone in Airplane mode.

I left my phone in Airplane mode

We called her Slowly Butt Shirley

I asked if we should offer her a ride and my friend said "slowly, but Shirley will get there"

Stupid, really, because it meant I couldn't see the TV

I'm just not Inuit.

I’d need to change my name

Don't call me later, call me Dad!

She sells sea shells by the sea shore.

Wife-Can you be serious for a minute?

Me-*grins* Ok and you be Shirley

Wife-I'm serious!

Me-Shirley you can't be Serious, I'm Serious

This actually happened. :)

I'd have to change my name

Oh wait I already am

And you can be steve.

Saw this today as I was going through their guided communication. My name is Michael.

http://i.imgur.com/nDuGVN1.png

My father cuts me off and says " 'Well' Now that's a deep subject"

Sorry, I'm getting a little choked up over here

The called her Slowly-Butt Shirley

So we were having a discussion about a TV show we'd both watched recently, debating meanings...

Me: Look, you must admit--

Him: Don't call me a mustard mitt

I couldn't stop laughing.

• Dad - What did you do today?
• Me - Not a lot. Just went to the gym and did some laundry.
• Dad - That's a weird place to do your laundry.

I have to be more careful with my phrasing when speaking with my dad.

Dad: I am being serious and don't call me shirley

Waitress: We have coke, diet coke, ginger ale, root beer in a bottle and Shirley Temple in a bottle

Dad: wait, how did you get her in the bottle?

I was sitting at my cubicle when my 40-ish boss who is a dad came in-

Boss: Could you do me a favor.

Me: Yes, what is it?

Boss: Print the presentation and bring it to my desk

Me: Surely

Boss (without missing a beat): Please don't call me Shirley.

My grandmother has a woman who comes over and takes care of her during the day.. A few family members were there and were talking about how my grandmas sight wasn't as good as it used to be.

Care Woman: "Well Shirley has cataracts..."

Dad: "Yeah, she has one in the garage.. She used to have a Rincoln too.."

GET IT??!?!?! gahhhhhhh

I said to my 13 year old. He's at that age when he is starting to think he knows everything because he knows why salt makes ice melt.

He knows I'm a teetotaler.

"What do you know about making drinks?" he says sneeringly.

"I know how to make some drinks."

"Like what?"

"I know how to make rum and coke. I know how to make gin and tonic. I know how to make Shirley Temples."

There is a snort there.

"I know how to make vodka cranberries. I know how to make margaritas. I know how to make red wine."

He finishes the fries he is eating at the counter island in the kitchen and starts to head out of the room.

"Do you know how to make a red wine?" I call after him.

He turns around and looks at me, still chewing.

"How"

"Tell them about 1991."

"What?"

"That is when the Soviet Union fell, all the reds were whining."

True story.

My dad got a new iPhone recently and has been having fights with siri. He told me this one today.

Dad : surely it won't rain today, right?

Siri: it will, and don't call me Shirley.

Dad: guess I forgot to take my phone off airplane mode

My 6th grade teacher had a reputation of being the meanest, strictest teacher on campus, but once I made it through his class, I realized he could be a jokester, too.

-In math class, he liked to tell a long, complicated story about a boy encountering a genie, eventually wishing for some odd things, just to end it with the punchline, "Gee, I'm a tree." (geometry)

-Another one of his long jokes consisted of a man being chased by a hearse. In a fit of desperation, he throws some Halls throat lozenges at it...."and the coffin went away."

-During study time, he would sometimes grab a balloon from his desk, blow it up, and proceed to slowly let air out of it, just to produce the squeaky noise.

-His favorite short joke: "Doctor, doctor, I broke my arm in three places!" "I advise you to stay out of those places."

-He was also probably the all-time leader of correcting, "Can I go to the bathroom?"

-He would also occasionally play opera music at the end of the day, not dismissing the class until we made it through an entire song without laughing.

-There were also a couple words that incited a specific reaction from him. Many of these words showed up often in history class, which is his favorite subject (probably because of all the jokes):

• CARGO - "cargo beep beep".

• RAY - Whenever the word or name "ray" was mentioned, he would always respond with "You can call me Ray, or you can call me Jay, but ya doesn't have to call me Johnson." Needless to say, we hated the math lesson about rays.

• HUDSON - During mentions of the Hudson River in history, he would always sing back "HUDSON 3-2-700."

• OKLAHOMA - Whenever Oklahoma came across, he would sing the famous line from Oklahoma! the musical. (with an especially long "ohhhhhhh!")

• SURELY - "...and don't call me Shirley." (but of course, who doesn't respond with that?)

• GERONIMOOOO!!!! - pretty self explanatory.

• Sticking with these obscure quotes and references, his two favorite days of the year are November 5th and March 15th.

Anyway, it was a fun year with that teacher. I'll add more of his quirks if I think of any.

-Also,

An old gentleman walked in with his family today.

I asked, "What are you guys up to?"

the man replied, "Well, I'm 5 foot 9, and my wife is 5 foot 6."

I laughed and told him, "Surely you can't be serious."

And he said, "I am serious, and don't call me Shirley."

At my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary, my grandpa says, "I always called Shirley my melancholy baby because she has a head like a melon and a face like a collie."

This was a decade ago, so it didn't make any more sense then that he was referencing a song from the 1920's/30's.

So the person's profile only talks about airplanes. I wanted to send a message totally jammed packed with airplane puns but I don't have that many. It's probably a fake profile but I still think it would be fun.

Here's what I have so far. Hey Girl. Most of the girls on this website are so 'plane' but you're the exception. I have a 'terminal' illness and hope to meet my copilot before I go. Just kidding. My health is 'A oK47'. I was just 'play'n' around. Just to let you know I have some baggage from some 'turbulence' in a previous relationship but Shirley I can get past it. My previous relationship taught me that two wrongs don't make a right. However, two Wrights made an airplane. I hope a new relationship can 'takeoff' with you though. I would be a great boyfriend. I have financial 'security' and could buy you anything you want with my 'visa'. Have you seen the movie, "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles"? It's really good, except for the train and automobile parts.

I accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode.

I had forgotten to take it off of airplane mode.

I had acedentaly left it in airplane mode!

Siri said "Yes it will rain, and don't call me Shirley". I think she forgot to take her phone off Airplane mode.

I'd have to change my name

Dad: "No, you can call me Dad."

She replied "It certainly will, and don't call me Shirley."

Forgot i was on airplane mode.