Hired a handy man and gave him a list. When I got home, only items #1, 3, & 5 were done.

Turns out, he only does odd jobs.

πŸ‘︎ 497
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
What's handy and grows

A palm tree

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gameboy90
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Handy
πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BrokenCrow782
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Might come in handy
πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs1104666
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Handy Woman gets a job

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch," he said, "how much will you charge me?"

The blonde, after looking about, responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should; she was standing on it. Do you think she's dumb?"

"No", replied the wife. "I guess I'm guilty of being influenced by all those 'dumb blonde' jokes."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Handy title
πŸ‘︎ 177
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoulDraw
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I was whipping up some pesto when I realized I was out of an herb to add flavor. Luckily, my son's guitar was handy....

I was able to add some bass-il to my tasty sauce.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Use your handy dandy hands.
πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ici_cle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
That costume might come in handy some day
πŸ‘︎ 481
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/urnypoo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2018
🚨︎ report
You know what they say, β€œIf you’re not handsome, at least be handy.”

Unfortunately for me, I’m neither.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tru-Queer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Handy
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Emotional_Plenty
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Sign language is quite handy.
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pumpkimstew
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Sign language really comes in handy
πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sprice-3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do choirs keep buckets handy?

So they can carry their tune

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
10/10 people say sign language is handy
πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ifunniest23
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Paper plates are so handy!
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cju1ce
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm in hospital and a man just told his elderly mum to use the rail, because its HANDy.. dad jokes on his own mother
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kiwibornaussie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Knowing the measurement from the tip of your thumb to the tip of your pinky finger is pretty handy.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-Kfrey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I think I'll try to be handy but only some of the time

so I can finally call myself Handsome.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/peepeeopi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Palm oil is quite a handy thing to have around the house
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/a5dfa5h
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Handy.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nomnivore1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2017
🚨︎ report
I thought I had found a handy parking spot

But they had capped it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/therandomsinger13
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Telekinesis is not a handy skill.
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MaxwellSinclair
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2015
🚨︎ report
Overheard this handy-dandy dad joke in the supermarket...

I was cruising through the meat section and a nearby married couple were checking out some lamb shoulders that were on special. The mum picks up a roast, inspects it and deposits it in their trolley where she then notices the package had leaked a bit.

"Oh!" She says. "I've got a bloody hand!"

"You've always had two bloody hands," jokes the dad.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DAT_CANKLE
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2015
🚨︎ report
The Story of Jefferson Handy

There once was a golfer named Jefferson Handy. He was a decent golfer, even better considering that he was unable to stand for more than a few minutes without intense pain. Due to his affliction, Jeffrey was always spotted a few strokes on the course. Anyway, Jeffrey was always known for a smile on his face and his cabby hat he wore for good luck. One day, while on the 7th green, a lady appeared from one of the water traps and told him she would grant him any wish, but at a price. He said sure, and asked to be able to stand again. She granted him his wish, but for payment, she took his hat. And that's the story of the lost Handy Cap.

> I want to apologize to everyone today. These terrible jokes have been coming to me all morning and I can't turn it off.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/onejdc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2016
🚨︎ report
Some puns that could come in Handy. pun.yougetcake.com/Hand.h…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWhaleMan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2013
🚨︎ report
Sign language is really handy
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do choirs keep buckets handy?

So they can carry their tune

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.