Me: Cats. Cats love fish.
Their tongues have been TAINTed!
Man....we were wild .
Me: Mommy tells me that all the time.
He has a near photographic memory, I'm hoping one day when he's twenty he coughs out his cold cereal in college as he gets the joke.
A bañana.
A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."
But dad,they taste just like regular people.
Me: You just really ate to see it
Because that would be two farty.
I said, a table is an excellent place to eat.
Good news is, I’m cured!
True story; it even happened last night. My 5-year-old son walks up behind me and out of the blue says, "hey."
I turn to him and say, "yeah, kiddo? What's up?"
He responds, "it's dead grass."
I'm really confused and trying to figure out what's wrong and what he wants from me. "What? There's dead grass? What's wrong with that?"
.
.
.
He says, totally straight-faced, "hay is dead grass," and runs off.
A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma’s a pause at the end of a clause.
Tasty
cal
I replied, "Tell him, he's bloody good. I don't have any kids."
Is this a trick question?
He's got all these really weird rules you have to follow, like whenever you eat cabbage, he insists you have to eat it with mayonnaise.
It's just Cole's law.
(Thought of this one whilst trying to come up with puns to annoy my husband. He abhors dad jokes, and receiving this look -_- means I did a good job.)
It was as big as the last two combined!
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .
It was the pot calling the cattle back.
Edit: Thank you for the awards.
I was expecting this to go noticed like most of my other posts. You peeps rock!
Now I'm raisin awareness
Slim to Nun?
(Incidentally this is a true story and I got yelled at)
It goes back four seconds.
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
Because he conditions it.
Cold turkey.
Down south in the backwoods. Along my way I met a friendly family that took me in for the night. Despite being impoverished they insisted that I stay the night and have dinner.
When we had dinner it seemed they were serving a kind of stew. Quite aromatic. I asked them what it was and the reply I got was “It’s Ma’s Soup Y’all.” I shrugged my shoulders and started to eat. The food was good of course but the meat was quite gamey. So I asked what type of meat it was?
‘Possum.
It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
They’re changing their name to Knockers.
But its harder to deter gents
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne"
I replied, "Yes, they certainly stand up to all scroutony!"
We were trading pieces of sushi around and he went to put one on my plate when he accidentally stabbed it with his chopstick, making it fall apart. Then he chuckled to himself and said, "Looks like I stab-otaged it!"
Many laughs were had.
Lunch is on me.
We went out and had beers. Cool guy, very driven, wants to be a web designer.
I have never had a beef with them.
It heard you were supposed to have three squared meals a day.
“A cat” I said. “Cats love fish.
