Daniel is a gardener and lion...

so we nicknamed him Dan da lion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kaboio
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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What is the gardener's favourite Christmas carol?

Lettuce grow, lettuce grow, lettuce grow.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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I interviewed the leading German herb gardeners and compiled their knowledge into a book.

It's called "Wisdom of the Kraut"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hasanowitsch
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
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What kind of socks do gardeners wear?

Well, Garden hose, of course!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lodiman77
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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I hired a gardener because my wife said she would have sex with me after I got the yard work done.

Everything was going great until I went to pay him and he said β€œyour wife already took care of it.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MiksBricks
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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The geometry major proved to be an excellent gardener...

...due to his extensive knowledge of tree angles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SegavsCapcom
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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What did the gardener say to the two men who were fighting?

Its thyme to stop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/charmandernews
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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If a gardener has green fingers what does a hacker have?

Cryptoes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Meerkat6074
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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What's a gardener's favorite videogame genre?

PLANTformers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eggshat1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
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Woman turned down the marriage proposal of a gardener. She wasn't ready to shear her life with him.
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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What did the gardener say to the stalker?

Leaf me alone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDragon1884
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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She fell in love with a gardener

She got planted

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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I’ve decided to switch jobs from gardener to breast enlargements surgeon.

It was easy, both are basically implants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/exturo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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I asked my gardener not to come back

All he does is trim my wife’s bush and leaves.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PulkPush
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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A gardener said, "I just finished producing some beets, who wants to check them out?"

The cabin replied, "I only play house music." The windmill said, "not me, I'm a heavy metal fan." The backhoe said, "I just dig rock." The plastic baggie said, "I do, I'm a wrapper!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lela_chan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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I just called a landscape gardener round to give me a quote for some astroturf..

He said he couldn't do it because my garden is portrait.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Seany_Mallie17
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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Whst did the herb gardener say to the sloppy chef?

Please, don't waste my thyme!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bl-nkfr-nk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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Why do pimps make good gardeners

They are used to garden hose

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jordo32
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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How does a gardener wistle?

He presses his tulips together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chlumsy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
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How did the Gardener blow a whistle

He used his tulips

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slashr7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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I asked a gardener which herbs were snitches...

He said only thyme would tell.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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Did you hear about the gardener who fell into a pile of his fertiliser and suffocated?

They had to do a compost-mortem.

(Credit to The Simpsons, the punchline came from a Treehouse of Horror ep)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fortytwoblaqk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
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Despite being an attractive man, my friend is a gardener

So he always has a couple hoes with him

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ledin542
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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I asked an experienced gardener how I could improve my herb garden.

He gave me some sage advice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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What did the alien say to the gardener?

Take me to your weeder

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LilPaycheck69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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Which Avenger is the best gardener?

The Hulk, because he has a green thumb.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/landracer2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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We couldn't find our checkbook to pay the gardener

So we payed him in hedge funds

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
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What did the excited gardener do when spring finally came?

He wet his plants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leoninator123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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Did you hear about the police standoff with the gardener?

He wouldn't release his hosta.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DreamsD351GN
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
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A gardener took his dog to the vet...

"He's been acting real depressed," explained the gardener. "He just lays in the garden day after day, letting out these really sad sighs... "

"I see," replied the vet. "What do you grow?"

"This season it's cantaloupe, but I don't see how that's relevant."

The vet nodded knowingly and replied, "Well, that explains it-- he's a Melon Collie."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tribunal_Power
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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Why didn't the gardener water all of his plants?

He couldn't find the thyme!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xerupton
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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A man hires a landscape gardener to fix his garden

Landscape gardener says nope can't do it your gardens in portrait

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeevesPoltergist
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
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What does a gardener do when he's given up?

He throws in the trowel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skididlydoo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
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I hired a landscape gardener the other day, but he said he couldn't do it...

My gardens portrait.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/screeRCT
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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The gardener lost his roll of grass.

He looked forlorn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Edmenz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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Why is Yoda such a good gardener?

He has a green thumb

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dragon4life3404
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2018
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Today I had a fight with our gardener.

He got tulipie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ENJOYblet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
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What do you call a gardener who is reluctant to take part in competitions?

A grower not a shower.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jamez24
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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Why didn't the gardener plant any plants?

He didn't botany...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/XLeoInTheDarkX
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2016
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What do you call an Italian gardener?

Harry Potter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UrObedientServant
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
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What do you call the presentation software used by gardeners

Flowerpoint

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordBenners
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2017
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Why are gardeners such pessimists?

They're always worried about their fuschias

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Colacubeninja
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2018
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Why do Daleks make good gardeners?

Because they like to GERMINATE. GERMINATE.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaosmonkey
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2015
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What did the exited gardener do when spring finally came...

He wet his plants...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LucianoMercuri__
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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How excited does spring make gardeners?

They wet their plants

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πŸ‘€︎ u/captainkrinking
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
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Who is the best gardener on the Avengers?

Hulk, he has a green thumb

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scoob1978
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the excited gardener do when spring finally came?

He wet his plants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/To_live_r_die
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2018
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