Fundraising Puns

The warden had to weigh the pros and cons

Solicitators.

They could call it The Big Band Aid.

"Dad, there's a guy at the door collecting for the new pool" Dad: "Just give him a glass of water"

A charitea event

It was a worm.

It was the third annual Thumb Drive.

So I found out they were both having affairs, and stealing from their company's fundraisers!

They are selling salsa and he sent me the flyer.

https://i.imgur.com/TRmu8ry.jpg

I replied that I think it’s very unfair and he’s going to get sick eating that much salsa.

Me and a classmate were working a fundraiser. He splashed me with the ice water from the drinks, and so I splashed him back. He said, "I'm cool with this."

About three inches off the ground.

My daughter told me this joke and if it gave you a chuckle, please consider donating to her fundraiser for the American Heart Association! http://www2.heart.org/goto/heartwarming

Way back when I was a kid, for my school's Renaissance Faire-esque fundraiser, I went around wearing a sign that read "Vilage Idiot". When guests asked why, I'd reply, "I wasn't always the village idiot...

• “I used to be a tailor... but it didn't quite suit me... It was only a so-so job.”
• “I once was a lumberjack... but I couldn't hack it... so they gave me the axe.”
• “I was a fisherman too... I just couldn't live off my net income.”
• “I thought about being a witch for a spell.”
• “I tried being a chef... but I just didn't have enough thyme for it.”
• “I was a musician once... but I didn't accomplish anything noteworthy.”
• “For awhile I was a doctor... but I didn't have the patience to keep it up.”
• “I once was a accountant... but I lost interest. The job was too taxing.”
• “I tried moonlighting as a nun... but I confess, they didn't like my altar ego... or my bad habits.”
• “More recently, I was a baker... but I couldn't make enough dough at it... Guess I wasn't bred for the job.”
• “Heck, I was even king for a day... but I didn't have any crowning achievements.”

...And so now, here I am: village idiot, just like my father was. Ah... my father, he was the best village idiot we ever had. It's hard living in his shadow sometimes. You see, my father was a complete idiot! ...I'm just a half-wit.”

The local congregation held a pirate-themed fundraising dinner, my parents attended, this picture ensued. I missed the pun out of the gates - how long will it take /r/dadjokes?

(spacing for mobile users)

http://imgur.com/1UsHwvH

May the best dadjoker win! Groan-inducing hint to arrive in 1hr.

Edit: looks like I have a lot to learn... Goodnight reddit.

They are too heavy.

Got told this by a guy fundraising when I said I couldn't stop to chat, had to get my bus. I wanted to turn back and donate just because of that xD

From a Dallas fundraiser this week: “[Nancy Pelosi] is tough, she is smart, and she has a heart as big as Texas — even though she’s from California,” said Obama, who opened his remarks by saying, “I’m not running for reelection. Not just because of the Constitution but also because of my wife.”

My marketing class is doing a fundraiser for the girls basketball team and it involves chucking rubber ducks.

The event is called chuck a duck and I need as many punny ideas to photoshop into posters as possible.

Also historic events that replace people with rubber ducks helps too.