A German tourist jumped off to the freezing water to save my precious dog who was drowning.

After he climbed out he said, "Here is ze dog, dry him off and he vill be fine." I said, "Are you a vet?" To which he replied, annoyed; "Vet? I'm fucking zoaking."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/im_not_geih
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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My Mexican Uncle Rito came to visit recently and said its freezing here.

I guess you can call him Burrrrr-rito

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmar4234
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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A man jumped into the freezing river in Paris...

Eyewitness say, the man was in-Seine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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I have started freezing different objects at -273.15Β°c and blowing them up. Seeing with items reacted differently.

I call it the 0k boomer experiment.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
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What did the scientists say while freezing at absolute zero?

This is 0K

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoonBaboon_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
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Son complains about his game freezing.

Father says, β€œthaw it out, kiddo”.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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Have you ever tried freezing lava?

It's super hard

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
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Does freezing a donkey solid

make a hard ass?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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A german tourist jumped into a freezing lake to save someone’s dog...

He told the owner β€œkeep him warm and he vill be fine” the owner asked β€œare you a vet?” The German replied β€œvet? I’m soaking!”

EDIT: Some people feel like I need to make it clear this is not my joke so... it’s not my joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mynameisj3sus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
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I don’t know if I got hit by freezing rain...

but it hurt like hail.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pgtart
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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It’s weird how direct sunlight heats up my car while the air outside is well below freezing.

The sun must be some kind of space heater.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/00Steven_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
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Left the PC on all night, when I woke up it was freezing

Turns out I left all the Windows open

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theferrolgamer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2017
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My office is FREEZING today! There's a cold giraffe coming in the window.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zievo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2017
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I was freezing

So I stood in a corner. It was 90 degrees.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Epicface227
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2017
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What did the guy standing in the freezing cold waiting on a ride say?

Ooh brr.

(I literally made this joke up tonight and I'm a Dad)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2016
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It's freezing in Chicago at -7F

But it's still the hottest day of the year

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πŸ‘€︎ u/987asdfH
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2018
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My mom just dad-joked me in the freezing cold

I live in East Tennessee and it's freezing. Mom was giving me some money for gas. She called it cold hard cash and died laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ColeELTH
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2015
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The wife told me she was freezing cold in our house.

I told her she only needed to go to any corner of the house... They're all 90 degrees!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mase_in_mass
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2015
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My friend was eating a salad at Chic Fil A and says "Man, my tooth is freezing"

I respond "it's because you're eating iceberg lettuce!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vaughnathon07
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2016
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Daughter: Dad is your computer freezing?

Me: Actually, mine feels quite warm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gotabsod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2015
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Local authorities are advising that, due to freezing temperatures, everyone huddle in the corner

because it's 90 degrees there

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yoquiero
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2015
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Why did the guys computer keep freezing?

Because he left his windows open

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jorgan92
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2014
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"Wanna hear a dirty joke? Wanna know why they make toilet seats so freezing cold?"

"So it'll freeze the shit out of you."

Also,

"Here I sit all brokenhearted: tried to shit and only farted."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/getwronged
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2013
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It's freezing in here

Son:Dad its freezing in here Dad: Go stand in the corner Son:Why Dad: its 90Β°

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mfvirus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2013
🚨︎ report
A german tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog. After he climbed out, he said, β€œhere is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm, he vill be fine. I asked him, β€œare you a vet?”

He said, β€œvet? I’m fucking soaking”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rohanlahiri05
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My dog jumped into some freezing water. A random German tourist jumped in to save him. He told me "Here is ze dog. keep him varm and he vill be just fine". I asked if he was a vet.

"Vet? I'm fucking soaked!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nakedurlrobot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report

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