"It's frozen food again for dinner today"

I said while scooping out ice cream

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KazuKazu95
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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I hate last minute decisions about which frozen food should be for dinner.

They're never well thawed out.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
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For this year’s Thanksgiving, I decided to shoot my own turkey.

Everyone at the frozen food aisle started freaking out though.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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Shit my first turkey this morning.

Scared the daylights out of the people in the frozen food section

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boreddudemo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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I shot my first turkey today...

Scared the heck out of everyone else in the frozen food section.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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My wife doesn't even actually groan anymore

We had Indian food for dinner:

Wife: Do you want the last naan?

Me: But then there would be naan left for you.

Wife: Groan... (she actually said the word groan) Are you ever going to get sick of that joke?

Me: I thought it would have groan on you by now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaltimoreBirdGuy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2014
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My girlfriend was born in Donets'k

We were having a very deep discussion about plans for the future. Kids, marriage, etc. She says, "don't freak out or anything, I'm not rushing."

"Of course not," I said, "you're Ukrainian."

She pointed to the door and said, "get out!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YarTheBug
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2014
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The hottest nightclub in town.

As a chronic dad-joker, I'm always on the lookout for opportunities.

Today, while getting groceries, I saw a cheerful fellow chatting it up with two women.

In passing, I commented on the group's clear enjoyment of each other's company, when he suddenly declared, "I just found out these two ladies run the hottest nightclub in town!"

I raised my eyebrows and said, "Really? Maybe they should...install some air conditioning."


I saw myself out. (Of the shopping aisle. Immediately.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustinJamm
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2014
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Dinner plans

I did not pull my frozen food from the freezer in time for the big dinner. That was not well thawed out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mftuchman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2018
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Dad got me just now.

Dad: "I shot my first turkey last year."

Me: "Yeah?"

Him: "Scared the hell out of everyone in the frozen food section."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/incognita1978
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2015
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Dadjoked at a fancy restaurant.

My family went to a fancy Italian restaurant for Mother's Day. Our waiter told us a bit about the place: "All of our food is fresh, never frozen. We don't even have a microwave. It's all cooked fresh here."

When the waiter left, my dad said, "If they can't even afford a microwave, I'll go out and get one for them."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheHoboFish
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2015
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New Year's Dadjoke

Some friends and I got together and went to a pub to celebrate the turning of the year.

We ordered our food and drinks a few minutes before 12am. As it struck midnight, the entire bar celebrated, and all the waitresses took a break and hugged and wished each other.

It took them a while to get back to serving all the orders. When our waitress finally brought our order, it was well past midnight.

At this point I couldn't stop giggling like a little school girl, but my friends gave me a look of disapproval.

As she was putting the dishes on the table, I said to her, "What took you so long? We've been waiting all year".

Dead silence.

One out my friends looks down in shame, the other looked to the waitress, waiting for her reaction.

She had frozen, her arm holding the dish above the table. Without looking directly at me, she said in dry voice "good one".

But as she put the remainder of the order on the table and turned away, I saw a smile on her face.

This has been a high point for me all year long.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Time_Terminal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2015
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Shot my first turkey today..

scared the hell out of everyone in the frozen food section

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrSirStevo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
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I shot my first turkey today.

Everyone at the frozen food section started freaking out though.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
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