I mean, most of you haven't showered since last year!
Because there's hasn't been a hoover in the White House since 1933.
One is a crusty bus station, and one is a busty crustacean.
They didn't appreciate their fish coming with a side of an old, dirty bass turd.
I was so shocked I nearly choked on my toenails.
Despite my reservations, we ate there anyway.
Because Yarrr
No offense is intended with this joke. It was a joke that a Catholic priest once said, and I found it quite funny.
A $100 bill went to heaven and was heading towards the gate when St. Peter stopped him. The bill said "What's the matter?". And St. Pete said, "You can't go in". And the bill replied, "Why not? I've done nothing wrong. I was given to charity for the poor and I've been with the richest people on Earth". Right then, a $20 bill was passing by, and St. Peter stopped him as well. "What does this mean? I've been good with everyone and I've been given to the poor more times than the $100 bill". But St. Pete had none of it. Right then, a $1 bill was passing by and it too was stopped. "I've been given to the poor more times than any of these combined! This is outrageous!". And right then, an old, dirty and rusty pennie was passing through the gates, jumping with joy. He stopped for a moment and smiled at St. Pete. And St. Pete smiled back, as the pennie leaped into heaven. All the other bills were confused and enraged. And when they asked St. Pete why that filthy little coin was let in, and not them, St. Peter responded: "He was the only one to go to mass".
I hope you have a nice day!
P.S: No offense is intended with this joke. It was a joke that a Catholic priest once said, and I found it quite funny.
*Me entering my sister's room and see her studying.
Me: "What's up? Wanna play Halo?"
Sis: "I want to but I can't. My exams are coming."
Me: "Then don't open the door!"
Sis: *groans
Because they taste funny.
Happy Father’s Day ya filthy animals
Together, we can stop this shit.
A do-or-do-not-angle. There is no try-angle.
Filthy slots.
I call that my mourning wood.
It's a side dish made from thinly sliced cabbage.
A filthy lyer
Although it's lovely to receive such high praise from HMRC, to be honest I can't even remember sending one in.
Ngggghn!
I said, "I'll take either/oar."
They want to be filthy rich.
http://imgur.com/a/1w50T
Merry Christmas you filthy animals!
He couldn't control his pupils.
One is a filthy, slimy, scum-sucking bottom-dweller and the other is a fish.
You should have seen the filthy look she gave me.
So I told him "hey, just because it's A table doesn't make it E table"
The filthy look he gave me made me think this qualifies as a dad joke
I work in IT at a university, and I was requested to update a template email my office sends out to prospective students. Whenever I start an email, I always begin with the salutation "Hello [student name]. With a full stop period.
Among the other changes requested, folk wanted me to change the period to a comma, because it "looks better" or something. I don't know.
After a bit of back and forth, I gave in and said "Fine. I'll give in to your filthy comma-unist ways." Many groans were had all around the office.
Mom: go inside, take your shoes off and go right in the shower you're filthy! Dad: can I pass GO and collect $200?!
After spending an hour cleaning a filthy fridge for the second time in three weeks, I was irritable and complaining loudly about all the nasty leftovers left in there. My boyfriend, trying to be cute, opens up a jar of pickled okra and puts one into my mouth mid-sentence...
Him: "Here have some."
Me: Sigh "Okay..."
Him: It's hard to argue with pickled okra...
...because it doesn't talk."
A police officer, while out on patrol, pulls a brand new sports car over for speeding. He walks up to the car and sees a large, dirty pig in the passenger seat. The cop says to the guy driving "Why do you have a huge, filthy pig in this brand new car?" The guy says to the officer, "I don't know what to do. My father just closed his farm and sold the land, and gave me his prized pig. His farm was the last in the county, and I live in a small house. I have no idea what to do with this pig!" The officer then says to the guy, "Well, take him to the zoo!" The guys eyes brighten and thanks the officer for the brilliant idea. The officer lets the guy go, and off they drive to the zoo. A week later the same police officer is on patrol when he sees the same new sports car. He pulls the car over and walks up to it only to see the same pig in the passenger seat. "What are you doing?" says the officer, "I thought I told you to take that pig to the zoo!" "I did," says the guy, "and he had so much fun, I am taking him to the movies."
That was one of the two jokes my dad told me all the time when I was a kid.
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
