Diet Diary, Day one : Have just removed all the fattening food from the House..

..and it was so delicious.

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📅︎ Sep 19 2020
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It's a good thing spices aren't fattening

That could be a waist of thyme.

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📅︎ Nov 25 2018
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Wife was afraid that my Father's Day Italian meal would be fattening...

So I told her: "In for a penne, in for a pound..."

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📅︎ Jun 22 2015
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With all the stress eating I've been doing during quarantine...

I have been fattening the curve rather than flattening it.

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👤︎ u/thiby
📅︎ Mar 26 2020
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Bacon Puns

Why didn’t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!


Whats green and smells like bacon?  Kermit the Frog’s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?


Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.


Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu?  Kevin Bacon


If you can’t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries


Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.


Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.


What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.


Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.


What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.


How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.


What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.


What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you’re bacon my heart melt.


What are they warned to watch out for? Pigpockets.


First Carter Page and now Betsy DeVos. Trump’s cabinet is like a game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon except with Russia.


Everything must be wrapped in bacon, including bacon.


If Kevin Bacon doesn’t whisper “Here comes the Baconator” before he has sex all my faith in humanity is lost


I’ll acknowledge Canada Day when they finally acknowledge that’s not bacon


If Donald Trump really KNOWS the average WORKER then where are the pics of Trump hungover in 7-Eleven buying bacon in sweat pants?


This guy ordered a vegetarian sandwich and then added bacon. It was like watching someone have a mid-life crisis and then find a cool hobby.


If we don’t build a wall on our northern border, they’ll soon be maple syrup & Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.


I signed an Executive Order to make Saturday morning bacon and eggs and pancakes with triple butter and syrup non-fattening.


My bedroom smells like maple, bacon and beaver…because I’m Canadian.


When the waitress calls you Babycakes you know you’re getting extr

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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👤︎ u/Punsville
📅︎ May 27 2017
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Dad just hit me with this.

Dad: the cat needs to fatten up she looks horrible

Me: yeah, maybe we should give her two cans(cat food)

Dad: I don't know, toucans are really expensive, plus we'd need to import them.

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👤︎ u/leoschot
📅︎ May 02 2014
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Got dadjoked by the farmer when we went to visit a pig

My parents invested in a pig, as in we buy it as a baby and the farmer lady fattens it, butcher it, etc.

We went to visit the pig and she gave them their feed and they weren't eating until we were walking away. To that she said:

"They just don't want to look like hogs"

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👤︎ u/NateY3K
📅︎ Aug 26 2014
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