Facepalm nut
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πŸ‘€︎ u/m3lvad3r
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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This is from r/facepalm
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tristana-Range
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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Facepalm
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πŸ‘€︎ u/agwastyle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
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Facepalm
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πŸ‘€︎ u/agisten
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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*facepalm*
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryankim0624
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
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FacePalm
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PigPower27
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2018
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Post your most recent, facepalm-inducing puns!

[during tonight's Minnesota Wild/Chicago Blackhawks game]

Me: "Hey, do you want to hear a hockey joke?"

Eldest sister: "No."

Me: "OK. Just checking."

Your turn! Make me cringe! :D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Metallica93
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2015
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Facepalm, guffaw, and an "oh my God" the wife on this one

We were driving home the other day from a weekend of camping. Almost the entire drive home is through back roads and Country Roads and little towns... when we one of the many farms we drove by , there was a little river running through the farm and at least 50 cows lying down sunning themselves along the edge of the river.

I turned to my wife and exclaimed " that's a lot of ground beef!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllanCD
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2016
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Got an actual facepalm from the wife today!

So we were driving downtown and there was a manikin standing in front of a second hand clothing store with a "50% off" sign around its neck.

"She's not wearing any pants!" said my wife.

"Well it says right on the sign there's half off today..."

A facepalm and audible groan ensued. I may not be a dad yet but I'm going to be ready.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Monsterpiece42
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2016
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I don't think he gets it. (crosspost r/facepalm)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pointless_spike
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2014
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Got a triple facepalm with this one

Was closing at the restaurant I worked at, when someone started breaking down the iced tea station. While checking if any tables were drinking it, she asked "Tim, do you need tea?"

Before he could respond, I said "of course he does. Without it, he'd be Im.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/confibulator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2015
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Road trip facepalm

Disclaimer: Told by a non-father

American Woman comes on radio

"Guess who plays this song..."

car passengers start to guess the band

"No, Guess Who (the band) plays this song"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/therealdonniej
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2016
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Got the full facepalm

I walked in and my wife and her brother were talking about the Scottish referendum to leave the UK. Brother-in-law asked what I think. I said there is no chance they get away Scot-free.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaltimoreBirdGuy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2014
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Oh classic dad jokes. *facepalm*

Son: Dad there's a moth on the outside of the bathroom door can you get rid of it? Plz hurry because I'm going to cry. Dad? DAD?

Dad: Dad is dead. You're next. Love, moth.

NOTE

This is taken from a screenshot of a text message that I found online. ( NOT on Reddit)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squid_Brownie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2014
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"so here's an example of a chip" *facepalm*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdqbLmdKgw4#t=26

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πŸ‘€︎ u/artemiswins
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2014
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I'm leaving r/dadjokes...

Hi, leaving r/dadjokes, I'm dad.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OutcastAtLast
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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Why was the snowman rooting around in a bag of carrots?

He was picking his nose.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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Why don’t ants get sick?

Because they have little anty-bodies.

Edit: THANK YOU!! Kind stranger whoever you are out there, for the silver!! Just trying to keep the kids facepalming and the wives eye rolling. You guys are awesome!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BelleskaTROn-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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I hope it doesn't get sticky again...

Told my wife that every time I cook rice I get separation anxiety.

She facepalmed and sighed and at that moment I thought this might be a worthy contribution to the subreddit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Splinter07
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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So as my boss watched, I led the group of clowns into the office, each one had a laptop computer. My boss facepalmed and said:

Dammit autocorrect!

I said we need to invest in CLOUD based IT infrastructure!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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A rare black tiger is spotted in India

Everywhere else it has stripes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NathanielleS
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick.

She still isn't talking to me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
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Not specifically a joke but....

Today my wife was making oatmeal cookies, and was getting rolled oats out of the cupboard. I adamantly told her to STOP and she can't use them yet. Grabbing them, I proceeded to walk across the kitchen, and roll them across the floor. "There. NOW you have rolled oats," I say. Only to receive a facepalm and to be told to get out of the kitchen...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/medaele
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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Cringe
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ORIOLESFan02YT
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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A facepalmer from my Dad.

Backstory: Family friend has a new job, he's an Undertaker. He was in hospital because of a serious lung infection.

Dad: 'By the way [family friend] is an Undertaker now'.

Me: 'what!? Of all jobs I would have never have guessed that'.

Dad: 'yeh it surprised me too, he was in hospital not too long ago and was in a bad way'.

Step mother: 'yeh he had something with his lungs, an infection I think like pneumonia, almost killed him' .

Dad: 'doesn't surprise me though with him being in hospital, probably because of all that coffin'.

Dad: starts giggling to himself.

Me: 'really?...'.

Dad: 'what? I thought that was quite good'.

He has his moments.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HoboOfTheSeas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
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There’s a running joke around this town...

Hopefully someone catches it.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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I am trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike, but he still can't seem to do it

I guess it must be sprocket science

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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What do you call someone who immigrated to Sweden?

an artificial Swedener

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Confused_gay69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
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How do you say "Sup dawg?" in Japanese?

Konichihuahua

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fitzz7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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Man walks into a barber shop: β€œCan you shape my afro like a sphere?”

Sorry, we don’t do that round hair.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nftpc
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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My wife is really made at the fact that i have no sense of direction.

So i packed up my stuff and right.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mike89222
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/m8tt_4
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
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Happy Father’s Day!

To all the dads out there; may your dad jokes grow prosper, make your children facepalm, and cause your partner want to pull your hair out

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AzurEdge3290
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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What do you call a mushroom that’s fun to be with?

A fungi

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guval25
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
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Ok brace yourselves for an absolute travesty of a joke, said during bathtime after water got into my daughter's eyes.

I told my wife:

There's the captain water, and the crewmember water. The captain water says: "All right crewmembers, do you know where you have to go?" The crewmember water replies: "Eye eye, sir!"

This earned me a proper facepalm from my wife which I shall wear proudly as a badge of honor and now share here with you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OiTheRolk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
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What did the man get when he ran into a palm tree?

A facepalm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaffynitionMaker
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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I was involved in a bombing a few years ago.

Such a blast from the past

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cmbhatt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
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Why can't Windows Active Directory Servers ever get along?

Because they were born with Trust Issues..

(facepalm)

I know.. I know.. IT Nerd DadJoke...

I'll see my way out and go back into the server room where I belong..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bad11ama
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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What do the tropics do when they hear a dad joke?

They facePALM

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πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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A blind man walks into a bar...

...and tables, and chairs, and people.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jdudley828
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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The wife loves my dad jokes

Her: can you check the dryer

Me: yep! It’s a dryer!

Her: (facepalm emoji)

Me a few minutes later: I checked again. It’s still a dryer

Her: (eye roll emoji)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimillett
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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What's the least spoken language?

Sign language.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChinguminguPingu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
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Got my son with this one...

Me: "I know a guy that talks like an owl"

Son: "Who?" pause.... then....facepalm!

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Murphy223
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
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What do you call a retired miner?

Doug

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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Help! I have food stuck in my throat!

Haha, just choking! Haha, just choking!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
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Where do poor Italians live?

In the spaghetto.

everyone is facepalming

... Spaget it?

  • My dad yesterday evening.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Miss_anty_body
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2017
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A dad must be in charge of the local churches sign
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πŸ‘€︎ u/J0hnnyFreed0m
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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