I commented: on the nose
What kind of tea does one drink with the queen? Royalty.
"I bet that sucked" - Me
Not saying the service in my bank is bad, but I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance and she leaned over and pushed me.
https://imgur.com/gallery/tq7dY
Girlfriend linked me this and said "want"
http://imgur.com/EwU7X6M
I replied "that'll cost a pretty penny"
What do you call ten rabbits marching backwards?
A receding hareline.
slaps knee
I saw this on /r/aww and posted it on FB:
http://i.imgur.com/hbiU3wG.jpg
My fiance commented and said "OMG, I want to do that!"
I replied "I suppose I can build you an enclosure, but having you separated from the rest of us might confuse the kids..."
me: I just heard that physicists at CERN have a room where they hold Dick-Fights.
him: Wtf man? Seriously?
me: Yeah, they call it the Large Hardon Collider
I'm a deaf man and I communicate via a combination of American Sign Language and English spoken language. My niece and I were sitting at a restaurant enjoying ourselves when she looks at me and signs, "I'm so glad I know sign language. It's really handy!"
I actually facepalmed on this one for the second time when it came up in my newsfeed yesterday. I'm such a proud uncle.
http://i.imgur.com/pigfT5Q.png
http://imgur.com/6NGbMAy
My cousin: where's the punchline? XD
Me: Probably by the other drink lines
Her: what xD
Me: (fruit) Punch is a drink. I made a dad joke
Her: oh my lord
Me: yup.
Her: xD
Me: Also, you don't have to call me your lord
"Because I often say don't forget about Brad Pitt."
If I were a salesman, I would name my car a simple name: Dable. Why you might ask?
'Cause if I want to sell it, I'll have this tag line ready:
"It is a Ford Dable! (affordable)"
http://i.imgur.com/RSDSAKj.png
His post, which I took at face value until the DJ:
This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas but there are more Catholic churches than casinos.
Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.
The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.
This is done by the chip monks.
http://i.imgur.com/YEda7T3.jpg
http://imgur.com/UyoYCvP
