Dad: Don't worry, it won't drink very much
Scenes from last night's dinner table
" it's hard to wipe with 3 quarters 2 dimes and a nickel"
I was on the couch, visiting with family. My niece is about 2 or 3. She grabs my hand and says "Ewwwwwwwwwww"
Confused, I responded "Eww?"
And as if on cue, she looks down and spits directly into my palm, with a small piece of food for good measure.
Ah...."Eww."
Her dad sitting next to me on the ps4 looks over and asked what happened. I explained what happened and we both laughed. I'm not even mad, I'm impressed. It wouldn't surprise me if she becomes a stand up comic one day, or at least the class clown.
I told him 'Eww, that's gross'.
Dad: hey, you wanna try some of this ice cream, it's green.
10 y/o Daughter: eww, is that booger flavor?
Dad: no, it's not
If you don't have a good partner you'd better have a good hand
"Try my girlfriends pickled bread, she uses dill dough".....
Kim jung eww
My mom was cleaning out a dish with her hand saying eww the whole time. I asked her why she was using her fingers..... "Because it was handy"
Unsuspecting child being asked the question: "Under where??"*
"UNDERWEAR!!? EWW!"
*I was told this joke in elementary school by one of the teacher aides ...she randomly approached me as we were coming in from the playground and I was so confused by the question, I answered "What?" " I wasn't eating!" "What do you mean?" and "Under what?!" until she finally gave up and said "no you're supposed to answer "under WHERE" !!
My SO was about to eat dinner to which I asked her, "What're you gonna have?"
She responded with, "Dirty rice and some beef."
To which I couldn't help myself, "Eww, that's disgusting."
Her: "Oh yeah, I forgot you don't like rice."
Me: "It's not that I don't like rice so much as you should clean it first."
Didn't go over well.... Status: I'm single now.
EDIT: Didn't actually dump me. It was sarcasm, but, you know, text.....
I came up with a fresh bowl of peas, and the little girl inched away nervously (stranger danger, and all). I tried to ease her by saying:
"Don't worry. I come in peas."
Cue awkward pause.
Her mom chimed in: "I get it." She still didn't laugh.
He exclaims "EWW". I said don't worry it does not have enough guts to do that again.
The tomate looked dark, I told her "eww"
She says, "they're herloom tomatoes"
I reply with "so they've been handed down, generation to generation?"
groans
We were at the work cafe and he was ordering a date scone. I said: "Eww, I don't like dates" He replied: "And that's why you're single!"
