Epic Pun Battle: Sewing
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaxHalo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2015
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Was having an epic pun thread before my friend gave it a go...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/punoriginality
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2012
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*Epic title.*
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asif366
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
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Best way to keep track of epic times!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IsThisLegitTho
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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I wrote an epic poem with only one line.

It's in celebration of the universe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shu-di
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
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Just got an epic eye roll for this: My son was showing me his school work from math, where he was learning fractions. I pointed to where he wrote his name on a line at the top and asked what that fraction was.

I told him it should be {Sons Name} / Mommy. Since he came from her. Then I said he could reduce that fraction further since he came from his mommy, that fraction would equal....

One Whole

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Soter_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
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What do you call an epic milk?

Legendairy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/presuire45
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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Epic
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TAS8008
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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"The Epic Split" featuring Jean Claude Van Damme
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πŸ‘€︎ u/michael_v92
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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It occurred to me today that I would have loved to see two of my favorite bands from the 90s, led respectively by David Usher and Gavin Rossdale, on the same ticket. The sign on the theatre would have been epic.

Moist Bush.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/average_legend
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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I was mugged and they took my oxygen tank, defibrillator and epic pen

My life savings

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yanual3d
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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Picky eater results in epic dad joke from my daughter...

My middle child, who loves rice, declined the yellow rice we offered him because apparently he only likes one type of rice.

Without missing a beat my daughter (11 y/o) exclaimed, "stop being rice-ist."

My job is done, clearly there is no more I can teach her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Nik
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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If I ever made an epic company for milk and cheese, I'd call it legend-dairy.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Influenz-B
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
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Epic
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ford456fgfd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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When we were kids, we used books of epic poems as bases. I once slid head first into "The Odyssey"...

I hit a Homer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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My son asked me what an epic is...

"Well, son," I told him. "Sit down, because it's a long story."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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Epic
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Katzepede
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
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Epic title
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blueness24071
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
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Epic nibruh moment
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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Nancy Pelosi made the most epic dad joke in front of the entire nation.

She thought the State of the Union speech was tearable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kikasphalt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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Everything's Free On The Epic Games Store Right Now
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AV990
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
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An epic exchange of air travel puns in a group chat.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eastawat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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Epic
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Keauxbi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
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THIS IS EPIC
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sandberg_King
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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Plz halp, I need as many vegetable puns as possible ASAP, the epic vegetable pun battle of the century is now being waged and I am quickly running out of ammo while the enemy shows no signs of retreat
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoofyGoober1999
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
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EPIC
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chh147
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
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I saw tons of epic memers talking about how Shrek 5 will be grossing more than Endgame.

I can agree, how Shrek acts in the movies is really gross.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/davebob3103
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
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Le(g) epic gamer moment
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πŸ‘€︎ u/69teslas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
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Okay this is Epic!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tronix_x
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
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All of this criticism and backlash over Eminem's recent verses and punchlines is just the collective groan expected when the greatest rapper of all time starts making epic dad jokes.

FINAL FORM! DAD'S UNITE! OUR TIME HAS COME!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DINC44
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
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The Bugle's Andy Zaltzman goes on epic fish-themed pun run youtube.com/watch?v=4b0Me…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iemploreyou
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
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A truly epic win

This story happened, just shortly after my daughter was born, at work.

I had a coworker who hated puns. I had made a particular bad one, I completely forget what it was. Just an on the fly thing.

Suddenly my coworker stands up and the following exchange happens:

Him (loudly proclaiming): Puns are awful. They're terrible. Puns are the lowest form of comedy. Only the most infantile people laugh at puns. We need to have a pun jar... like a swear jar, but instead of swearing we put a quarter in it every time someone makes a pun.

Me: (after a short silence) That sounds like a GREAT idea.

Him (confused): No, it's like a swear jar but you put money into it when you swear.

Me: Yeah I understand that

Him: You'd be the hardest hit with that.

Me: Yeah, I understand that. Nevertheless it has my wholehearted support.

Him: (Now very VERY confused) Why would you support something that would hurt you more than anyone else?

Me: Because... we could totally call it the PUNishment jar.

There were three people who clearly heard this exchange. Each one busted out laughing so hard... one of them was pounding his fist into his desk. The look on this poor guy's face: priceless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2016
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Just dad joked another coworker; was as epic as I hoped

A coworker was looking through our tea selection at work and said "I could really go for some sleepy time tea right now, too bad we don't have any at the office."

To which, I replied, "Why would our office stock sleepy time tea? We might as well just have unproductivi-tea."

He just shook his head in disapproval.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gold_Sticker
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2015
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My dad just posted an epic dadjoke on Facebook

I'm thinking of opening a shopping center which specializes in only the stores you can never seem to find when you want them. For instance:

  • New Navy
  • Half Foods
  • Over Armor
  • Paper Clips
  • 49 Cent Store
  • Seniors R Us (really old stuff like antiques)
  • Tom & Harry's Sporting Goods
  • Pier 99 Exports
  • Yankee Light Bulb
  • O.M.G. Monday's
  • Due Pizza (It's Italian, not Spanish)
  • Rhode Island Closets (they are very small)
  • Open Space (think about it)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlahBlahNyborg
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2015
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Epic last dad joke
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πŸ‘€︎ u/plotcoupon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2013
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The most ridiculous situation ever, capped off with an epic dad joke

A few years ago, my dad and I were building an addition onto his house. He rented a tool from the hardware store and had to return it, so he asked me to come with him and we would get some breakfast. There was a Burger King nearby, so we decided to stop there to eat.

When we go to the drive-through, we realize the restaurant was closed down, so he drove around the building to get back on the highway. As we were passing the dumpsters, he stopped the car, backed it up, and pointed towards the ground near the dumpster. I looked for a few seconds, trying to see what he was pointing at.

Then... I saw it.

It was a giant, 12+ inch black dildo, standing upright next to the dumpster. It propped itself up on its fake dildo balls, gently swaying in the breeze.

I was astonished. I couldn't even imagine what events in the universe had to line-up so as to end up with that giant dildo meticulously placed next to the dumpster at a closed-down Burger King. I couldn't even begin to fathom why it was there.

My dad, with perfect timing, then shouted "GAY TIMES WILL BE HAD TONIGHT!" and sped out of the parking lot.

We ended up going to Denny's.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OBJHamSandwich
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2013
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I topped off a round of cheesy jokes with an epic dad joke

I was telling some jokes to a friend while grabbing a cup of coffee and my very last one tanked pretty hard. While I was leaving he said, "You should have left on a high note!" I immediately apologized and sang a nice, high pitched note on my way out the door.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebestisyetocome
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2014
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My uncle (a father of three) dropped this epic dadjoke on FB today

http://i.imgur.com/RSDSAKj.png

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nickiter
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2014
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