When I was in college, I had an elective in etiquette
I work in an elective orthopaedic operating theatre
Mostly doing hip and knee replacements.
On a regular basis, someone will point to the X-ray screen and say: "will someone change the channel? I've seen this episode before"
In Sweden the CEO of IKEA was just elected president.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week.
How do pigeons elect their leaders?
They don’t. A pigeon can only gain power through a coo d’état.
Election results
Looks like a lot of people in Georgia will be laughing their Ossoff
The campaign to elect Kamala Harris as Vice President
...was the most ex-pence-ive in history.
What is the opposite of a croissant?
What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??
An Optical Aleutian
I’ll see myself out...
My wife asked for a divorce today, saying I was too un-American.
I saw it coming from a kilometer away.
I wrote to the Vice President to ask him to overturn the election results...
But that's just my own To Pence.
Why there are less female voters in 2020 elections? Because of....
The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week
Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate
A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb.
He just can't part with it.
Why wasn’t Cardinal Sicola ever elected as pope
Because they didn’t want a Pope Sicola
What does a presidential candidate who cant get his votes up suffer from?
I'm concerned about getting trumped in this election.
My election has lasted more than three days.
Do I need to see my doctor?
While people are talking about the presidential election, I don't talk immediately, because...
I'm Biden my time, until I can play my Trump card.
The best part about being Russian, is getting to vote in American elections.
Which is nice, because we never get to vote in our own.
This election is taking a while.
I guess the people in Nevada are really Biden their time.
Joe sure is patient when it comes to waiting for the results of the election
All I hear is Joe Biden his time till the results are finalized!
Why did the president-elect wait so long before deciding to run for president?
He was just Biden his time
This 2020 Presidential election reminds me of the 2000 Election
It occurs to me at this stage the election has become sexist.
All I see are male in ballots.
Why did it take Joe so long to win the election?
I made up a joke so get ready to hate on me. Trump (I know it's topical).... Trump was nervous during the election and was asked "hey, do you want some spiced tea"?
The legalize cannabis party had a fair few stoners voting for it this past election, but not enough to gain power
That’s a lot of wasted votes
They were never going to let my president win this election
But I'm not mad. He'll drop an album or two and Kanye will be back in 4 years.
Everyone keeps saying that after the election there's gonna be a civil war. I disagree.
There's gonna be a Trumper Tantrum
When it comes to winning elections...
Either Biden your time or be Trumped.
My cheap noble challenged the election results.
It was a discount viscount recount.
The Senate majority leader refuses to acknowledge the election results.
He’s acting like a real Mitch.
How are the US people going to bid adieu to Trump after election?
I'm closely watching how this contested election affects the volatility of the stock markets.
I call it the "Al Gore Rhythm" method.
He might have lost this election but he will probably run again in 4 years...
Why did the stripper show up at the Board of Elections?
She heard they were looking for poll workers.
Biden will NEVER, EVER be my president
because I live in Canada.
It's important to lose closely at lawn signs during election campaigns....
Last time I cast my vote for a real estate agent.
There is a HUGE snowstorm today in Washington, DC
There are thousands of snowflakes gathering in DC, crying because they lost the election and they can't con their way to victory.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
