My 9 month pregnant wife is ready to have our child any day now, but they just wonβt come. Sheβs tried everything she can at this point. Sex, walking, dancing, spicy foods, etc... So when I asked her what I could do to help she said βany means necessary.β
To which I replied βNo it doesnβt.β
π︎ 29
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︎ Sep 06 2020
My rooster is an artist. He draws on plates and I add arms and numbers, but for the life of me I canβt tell if heβs drawing snakes, mountains, teepeeβs, etc., so I finally asked him and he said:
π︎ 5
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︎ Aug 26 2020
Thereβs this coin wrapper that can roll any coin: pennies, nickels, dimes etc. Just roll it up to a marked spot and voila, a perfect roll.
My favorite wrapper is the fifty cent piece
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︎ May 29 2020
I want to Express my daughter's age as a fraction 6/12, 9/12, 16/12 etc.. my wife is really upset about it.
In our house It's really causing some division
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︎ Apr 22 2020
Before quarantine my father loved to tell jokes related to the context, he said police jokes to policemen, bar jokes in bars, dad jokes to other dads etc... And he misses it
Now it's only inside jokes
π︎ 10
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︎ Apr 28 2020
I recently walked down a street with the houses were numbered 64k, 128k, 256k, 512k, 1mb etc
That was a trip down memory lane
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︎ Oct 15 2019
Question, do I have to watch oneis twois etc before I watch tennis?
π︎ 9
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︎ Feb 08 2020
I hate those "loyalty cards" that you get from Starbucks, etc.
I got "too many" points on one of them, and now I'm not allowed to drive :(
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︎ Nov 20 2019
My wife found out she's pregnant (pregante, pragnent, etc.) and graduated college at the same time!
She earned her MA degrees!
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︎ Nov 24 2019
Dudeβs going to Maine and thereβs a city called βBangorβ which is kind of like the word βbangerβ which means really cool, fun, great, etc.
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︎ Aug 02 2019
Dracula's wife is divorcing him because he cheated. She wants it all, the castles the coffins, etc...
She's going to bleed him dry!
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︎ Jul 20 2019
I have a rare condition that prevents me from putting on foundation, mascara, eyeliner, etc.
No really, you canβt make this up.
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︎ Jun 06 2019
I always try to show my appreciation for the people at the movie theater who sell me my popcorn, soda, candy, etc.
After all, these people make a lot of concessions at work.
π︎ 7
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︎ Jul 31 2019
Why donβt companies release a model 9 for their products (iPhone 9, Windows 9, etc.) ?
π︎ 6
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︎ Dec 14 2018
My daughter is 14 and dating. Her boyfriendβs name is Braden, I think..so I just use any B name that comes to mind to annoy her. Braden, Brody, Bradley, Brandon, Bruce, Bryce, etc. Looking for more suggestions! I also talk gangster to her all the time to get her going. Being a βDad Jokeβ Dad is fun!
π︎ 7
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︎ Jan 31 2019
The ultimate dadjoke. My toddlers believe that on 3 kingβs day (along with bringing gifts) the camels severely screw up our home. I put muddy hoof prints throughout, upend the plants, knock over the tree, tear apart fruit, etc.
This year Was a symphony! We had aunts, and two grandmas join in for a seriously epic camel disaster for the kids to discover tomorrow. Feeling proud of my dad skills.
Photos here:
https://imgur.com/gallery/b8sILu3
Edit: the oldest is 5. We celebrated a day early so their aunt could be here. The real 3 kings day is tomorrow. Donβt tell the wise men!
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︎ Jan 05 2019
Friend was deathly allergic to peanuts so Dad was asking if he was allergic to all type of nuts, hazelnuts, walnuts etc. He went silent...
π︎ 9
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︎ Jan 13 2019
If Iβm out in space, and I crush up fruits, vegetables, berries etc to be thrown into the galaxy, would that be considered a space jam?
reddit.com/r/teenagers/coβ¦
π︎ 7
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︎ Nov 24 2018
My kids' diapers have characters like Eeyore, Tigger, Piglet, etc...
Occasionally I tell my wife, "We can't use that one, it already has Pooh on it."
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︎ Jul 01 2018
I hope I don't get banned from Reddit if I were to start subs related to toboggans, fedoras, beanies, caps, visors, sombreros, etc.
Because then I'd be promoting hat groups.
π︎ 9
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︎ Mar 31 2018
[Request] Puns about bugs/insects etc and Christmas
π︎ 4
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︎ Dec 23 2017
1. Blue plastic bucket for watering, car-washing, etc. 2. Red plastic bucket for mopping floors, cleanup from painting, plumbing disasters. 3. Green metal pail for compostable table scraps.
...and that's my Bucket List.
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︎ May 29 2018
A chef found that the second, third, fifth, seventh, 11th, etc. batches of broth he made would turn into simple organic molecules
Turns out it was prime ordinal soup!
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︎ Aug 03 2018
Start a shop selling rugs, mats etc. Call it...
π︎ 10
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︎ Feb 11 2016
People in cities who grow their own basil, oregano, etc...
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︎ Oct 04 2015
Need a pun for a name with geography, world locations, etc.
Some friends and I are in a group message with all our names as geography puns, like Anna Montanta, etc. One guy, Joey, also goes by Joe needs one. We've all out our heads together but who other than Reddit to come up with the best one.
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︎ Mar 22 2016
I should start a company that makes sinks, bathtubs, toilets, etc.
I'll call it Rub A Tub Tub.
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︎ Dec 09 2016
Justin Bieber should hire a stand-in for shows for when he gets sick etc. called..
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 21 2014
Anytime and every time we see a boat at the seaside, lake, river etc...
"I can see a boat, canoe?"
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︎ Aug 21 2013
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