True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
Did you hear about the person who invented the door knocker?
They won the Nobel prize.
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
Just had an officer at the door saying he was looking for a man with one eye...
Told him to use both and he’d probably find him a lot quicker.
True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling “I stepped on a Bee!”
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
How does a muslim close a door?
As the cop knocked on my door, I just stayed in complete silence. He then knocked again. Determined not to give myself away, I just stayed still.
Cop: "Do you think I am stupid ? I can see you through the window."
Mee: "You are not coming in."
Cop: "I don't want to come in. I want you to step out of your car !!"
Why do bouncers throw violent drunks out the back door?
Because they belong behind bars.
Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water.
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?
If it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken sedan...
I told my son, look the church has locked up the door and turned off their lights. He said, what's that got to do with anything? I said well,...
Singers might open doors with their talents, but thieves can do it off key.
Why should you always knock on the fridge door before you open it?
Because there could be a salad dressing!
I exercise by running up the street and knocking on all the doors....
What should you do if there's a sink knocking on your door?
Did you know ancient Egyptian houses didn’t have a door knocker?
Instead they had a horn and a sign saying “Toot and come in”
Why do chicken coops only have two doors?
Because if they had four, it would be chicken sedans!
Everytime I buy a new house, I always spend $1,000 on the door.
That way, I always make a grand entrance.
How do Italians knock on the door?
Why are open doors good for storing things?
Doors usually aren't rude
but if you bump into one, it might start swinging.
Female Twitter post...Do men still open car doors ?
Comment: "Well yeah! How the fuck do we get inside?"
I'm sick and tired of people coming into my house, trying to sell me books, and then just marching out and leaving the door wide open.
Were these people born in a Barnes and Noble or something?
When one door closes another opens
Other than that it's a pretty good car.
"Honey, who might bee at the front door?"
We live next door to the Pullovers.
They're a tight knit family.
What do you call horses next door?
Someone knocked on my door dressed up as Gloria Gaynor.
At first I was afraid; I was petrified.
My uncle always said "when one door closes another door opens"
Great guy,terrible kitchen fitter.
For a while Houdini used a trap door for every show he did.
But it was just a stage he was going through.
I gifted my back door neighbors a ice crusher.
It was a good ice breaker in the retrospect.
How do you open a green door
Some idiot posted a Chinese telephone directory through my door...
It was full of Wong numbers.
A Higgs-Boson walks into a church, only to be stopped by a priest at the door. "I'm very sorry but we don't allow Higgs-Boson in here."
The Higgs-Boson then replies, "But without me, how will you have mass?"
My grandfather always used to say, “As one door closes another one opens.”
Lovely man.
Terrible cabinet maker.
My roomba went out my front door and a pack of bears attacked it, an eagle carried it away to the ocean, and a shark finished it off.
A-door-able Valentine’s Puns
When is a door not a door?
How does an angry Muslim close the door?
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan (vs. a coupe).
Why do chicken coops always have 2 doors?
Because if they had 4 they would be a chicken sedan!
I always knock on the fridge door before opening it.
Just in case, there's a salad dressing.
Why is it important for a chicken coup to only have 2 doors?
Because otherwise it would be a chicken sedan.
When is a door not a door?
I normally knock on the fridge door before I open it...
Just in case there’s a salad dressing
The chicken coop only had 2 doors
since if it had 4 doors it would be a sedan.
Why do chicken coops only have 2 doors?
Because if they had 4, they'd be called chicken sedans.
To the man who invented the door knocker
I hope you win a Nobel prize
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