True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling “I stepped on a Bee!”
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
As the cop knocked on my door, I just stayed in complete silence. He then knocked again. Determined not to give myself away, I just stayed still.
Cop: "Do you think I am stupid ? I can see you through the window."
Mee: "You are not coming in."
Cop: "I don't want to come in. I want you to step out of your car !!"
Why do bouncers throw violent drunks out the back door?
Because they belong behind bars.
Why do chicken coops always have 2 doors?
Because if they had 4 they would be a chicken sedan!
Doors usually aren't rude
but if you bump into one, it might start swinging.
Everytime I buy a new house, I always spend $1,000 on the door.
That way, I always make a grand entrance.
I'm sick and tired of people coming into my house, trying to sell me books, and then just marching out and leaving the door wide open.
Were these people born in a Barnes and Noble or something?
Someone knocked on my door dressed up as Gloria Gaynor.
At first I was afraid; I was petrified.
My uncle always said "when one door closes another door opens"
Great guy,terrible kitchen fitter.
For a while Houdini used a trap door for every show he did.
But it was just a stage he was going through.
How do you open a green door
A Higgs-Boson walks into a church, only to be stopped by a priest at the door. "I'm very sorry but we don't allow Higgs-Boson in here."
The Higgs-Boson then replies, "But without me, how will you have mass?"
My grandfather always used to say, “As one door closes another one opens.”
Lovely man.
Terrible cabinet maker.
Some idiot posted a Chinese telephone directory through my door...
It was full of Wong numbers.
"Honey, who might bee at the front door?"
To the man who invented the door knocker
I hope you win a Nobel prize
My roomba went out my front door and a pack of bears attacked it, an eagle carried it away to the ocean, and a shark finished it off.
When the elevator doors opened for me to enter, everyone was asleep inside...
Must be that Ambien music that they play
I normally knock on the fridge door before I open it...
Just in case there’s a salad dressing
My wife said she has an irrational fear of revolving doors.
I told her she’ll come around, eventually.
My Roomba accidentally went out the front door, and the neighborhood animals immediately started attacking it.
A-door-able Valentine’s Puns
These two jacked missionaries came to my door glorifying their new gym.
I told them I had no interest in joining Jehovah's Fitness.
My next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes.
He’s a catholic converter.
I once got into an argument with a co-worker, who slammed the door so hard when he left, it broke the latch.
Which sucked, because I thought we needed the closure...
So last night my boyfriend left the bedroom door open to get more heat in the room because there are more heating vents in the hallway than in the bedroom. I said, "You might say it's eVENTful." He didn't laugh. So then I said, "You'll laugh eVENTually."
How do you tell the difference between a male door and a female door?
One has a ding-dong and the other has knockers.
(true story) After having my son install an electric keypad deadbolt on the man door in my garage, my daughter says:
Dad, are you sure that new deadbolt was man-door-tory??
Making daddy proud.
In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started dating the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
My wife and I were woken up at 3am by loud banging on our door. I got up, opened the door and there was a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push. "Are you insane man?!!? It's 3 in the morning!!" I screamed, slamming the door and stormed back to bed...
"Who was that?" asked my wife.
"Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.
"Did you help him?" she asked.
"No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"
"Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"
She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes."
"Do you still need a push?"
"Yes please."
"Where are you?"
"Over here...on the swing."
What does it say on the exit door to the sperm bank?
Good thing there are just the two doors to the US Capitol building
Cause attempted sedan doesn’t have the same ring to it
A salesperson came to my door yesterday trying to sell me a coffin.
I told him, "That's the last thing I need".
I workout at a facility that only plays The Doors.
I call it the Gym Morrison.
Why did the clown hold the door open?
Because it's a nice jester
What did Joe say to Donald on his way out the door?
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow
When is a door not a door?
Why is it important for a chicken coup to only have 2 doors?
Because otherwise it would be a chicken sedan.
The chicken coop only had 2 doors
since if it had 4 doors it would be a sedan.
When is a door not a door?
Why do chicken coops only have 2 doors?
Because if they had 4, they'd be called chicken sedans.
When is a door not a door?
When is a door not a door?
Why does a chicken coup have two doors?
Because if it had four doors, it would be a sedan.
I always knock on the door of the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
The chicken coop only had 2 doors since if it had 4 doors it would be a sedan.
You should always knock on the fridge door before opening it
Just in case there's a salad dressing
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