A mother gave birth to a boy with a defect, he only had a head.

There was no body, arms or legs to him but he was functioning normal and his parents loved him. On his 21st birthday his dad took him to a bar, bought him a beer and gave it to him to drink. Suddenly his torso grew out of his head. Around him amazed the bar started chanting β€œDrink, Drink!” His dad got a second beer and gave it to him, this time he grew arms and hands. The stunned crowd all chanted again β€œDrink, Drink” He got his third beer and drank it himself with his new hands, suddenly legs and feet grew. The crowd applauded and cheered. The son couldn’t believe it and started to run. He ran around in circles and then out of the bar. Unfortunately he ran into the road, got hit by a truck and was killed instantly. The barman looked at his dad, sighed and said β€œHe should have quit while he was a head”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-E-Droflah
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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My realtor asked me how I felt about the defects in the finish trim in my new home.

I said I'll be coping.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chilldabpanda
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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I think I bought defective bird seed.

No birds are growing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ciceronic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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The good news about making defective fireworks...

...is that nobody points the finger at you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/supercman99
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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I thought the pattern on my coffee mug was defective...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honeyvcombs99
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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I came across a great movie about a semi-truck with a defective refrigeration unit that had to deliver a large shipment of meat.

Unfortunately, the trailer spoiled it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CpBear
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
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Luke Skywalker had issues after his first duel with Darth Vader

His first robotic appendage was defective from the second hand store.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
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How do you get a Chinese communist to defect?

You tie one

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
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Why do sandwiches have so many defects?

They’re In Bread

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Walkingspanish86
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
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The Soviet was eager to get to the border to defect

He was Russian to the Finnish line

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ladder_of_cheese
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
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When a coin goes from Russia to the USA seeking asylum it is Metal Defecting.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elon_Muskmelon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
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Man: I would like to return a defective boomerang.

Shop owner: Sure. Where is it?

Man: I have no idea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
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I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart

I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
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Birth defects with a side of uncle humour.

So, I'm not 100% this belongs here. Feel free to rip me a new one in the comments.

I work overnights at a hotel. Last night I had a drunk guy walk up to the desk. He looks at me and goes "No eyelids man. My nephew was born today and he doesn't have any eyelids."

I'm pretty used to drunk people coming up to the desk and talking at me, but this caught my attention. I tell the guy its not the worst thing in the world and I'm sure they will be able to fix it, its better than being born blind, etc.

The guy looks up at me and says, "Yeah, they're gonna use his foreskin to fix it....My nephew is gonna be cockeyed!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sternlip
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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When a defective Furby is restored…

…does it become a Refurby?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vaderflapdrol
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2017
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I bought some gator-skin boots on clearance because of a manufacturer's defect.

They have a reptile dysfunction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StoutPorterAle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2017
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Why was the chicken born with three legs?

It had a bird defect

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πŸ‘€︎ u/midy-dk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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What is a corrupt detective called?

A defective!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blind-folded
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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Did you hear about the North Korean hip-hop crew that escaped to the south?

it was called Run DMZ.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cuank
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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What do you call a poorly made PokΓ©mon movie?

Defective Pikachu

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πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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The electrician doing some work in my house today is definitely a dad.

An electrician I hired to do some work in my house today has been tasked to install a combination heat lamp / exhaust fan unit in my bathroom. After installing it though, we found out the fan has a defect and its blades are slightly clipping the cowl.

Me: "Well, that sucks."

Him: "That's what it's supposed to do."

I walked right into that one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acherion
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2014
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