Da'i Puns

I proceeded to walk into the door of the ward she'd won

And.....das not good.

Well, done done done, done da done, done da done

Everyone was hit with da Brie.

Da pens

The Department of Da Fence.

...so they can scan da navy in.

(Not mine; saw it on Facebook)

Da brie was everywhere

The taste of da-feet.

At a shop on the road to Damaskus...

DA TA

You tep on da bwake tupid!

robots in da skies.

DaFEET!

Leonardo da Pinchi

I guess he wanted me to be in da pendant.

“Puppy”, they replied. “What’s a baby cat?” “Kitten”, they said. “What’s a baby shark?” “Doo doo da doo da doo” ... true story 🙄

Da-ta?

Because of DaMASKus

Da Nile river

Me: I got your backpack ready, did you grab some da matta?

Daughter: what's da matta?

Me: nothing, what's the matter with you?

Da’ feet.

Da mage

Da Brie

A Ta-Da List

Da brie went everywhere.

Da club

Boo-da-pest.

That way, when they dock, they can just Scan-da-navy-in.

Da Brie was everywhere.

It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.

Da Fisherman

Is it... Quark Kent...? Da dum tisssss

Because it helps with da-vision

We were at Five Guys and they had a sign that said, “Today’s potatoes are from Idaho,” so I said, “Who da hoe?”

She promptly responded, “Idaho.”

Dad da dad ,dadad dadad dadad dadad dadaaaaad,da dada da dad.

Anna asked Elsa, "Do you wanna bill 'da snowman?"

Da ta !

I was visiting my folks, and decided to take em out to dinner when Ma got home. We go for a feed, all is well. I'm standing up at the end of the table, leaning on its edge with me phone out as Ma was organising herself. Da came back from the loo, and asked me what I was doing on me phone.

"Checking me balance." I replied, showing him my bank app. I had just been paid and was moving money around to savings and such, after paying for dinner by phone NFC.

Without warning he gives me a good hip n shoulder, not hard enough to send me flying but enough to shift me a bit.

"Ya balance looks shit, boy."

He smirks at me as Ma groans audibly. Cheeky old bugger.

This is why he's going in a crooked retirement home you always see on the News.

Da-Dum Tish

So they can Scan da Navy in

The following conversation ensued.

Receptionist: Hello, thank you for calling ______. How may I direct your call.

Me: Hi, I'd like to speak to in the morning.

Receptionist: Who?

Me: In the morning.

Receptionist: I don't know who that is.

Me: Well it says ______ but he asked me to call him "in the morning."

Receptionist: Giggle groan. That's a new one. Let me put you through.

Me: Thank you.

......

Recruiter: Hello this is ________.

Me: Hi in the morning, this is (me)

Recruiter: Hi, I wanted to go over your resume.

....... Later

Me: Thanks in the morning.

Recruiter (just now noticing) Why do you keep daing that.

Me: Your email said to call you "in the morning."

Recruiter: Groans

The one where everyone goes around saying "I da hoe*"

Does a bear scat in the woods?

(Zee-ba-da-zap-dooey)

They both know da whey

He was in da Nile

He answered: the pun-da bear, what else?

Da niece

Da bomb.

In da seas

And das not good.

All credit for this joke goes to /u/Xiphers's Mom. I tried cross posting it here to give full credit to OP, but this sub only allows text posts. Here's the original post: https://old.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/bxeoqo/my_mom_has_a_board_with_attachable_letters_and/?ref=share&ref_source=link

Cuz da Vinci had framed her

"Pun-patrol! You s-pun around on your chair way beyond government regulations!"

"I can't help it! I'm pun-sexual!"

"Sir, o-pun the door or we will have to use force!"

"Stay back! I have a hostage! I don't care if my crimes will ever get ex-pun-ged!"

"Lay down your wea-pun! Face your pun-ishment!"

"Sir, I just arrived and can confirm, he has a Pun-da!"

"Thank god for your pun-ctuality! This changes everything! Now go and pun-ch down the door!"

crashing noises

"Sir! We have fumes! God, what is this pun-gent smell??"

"Ahaha, you ran into my trap! Now die, Pun-k!"

"AAAAAAAAAAH!"

silence

"No time for com-pun-ction. Come, S-pun-ky, we need to leave. Let's head for Pun-ama."

EDIT: formatting.

Apparently da Brie was everywhere.. But it’s ok they are building a new factory and it’s going to be whey Gouda.

Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

Da-ta

University of Flora-da

I know cuz all I saw was da-brie

They're trying to find victory in da feet.

Out fishing:

Dad: "Son? Did you just put that worm in your mouth? What is wrong with you?"

Son: "Dad, are we having a "eated-da-bait"?"

Dad: "You're grounded...when we get home I'll pick out a book and you better read the entire thing by tonight."

Son: "Says you with baited breath."

gets home...

Son: "Daaaaad! THE DIET OF WORMS!!!!!!!!!?"

But every time he’s confronted about it, he gives it no importance.

You could say that he’s living in da Nile.

Da.

So I had a productive day at work coming up with these Capital City puns a year ago today. Thought they were too good not to share!

Why did the Geordie arrange a holiday to Romania?

To book a rest!

Bob Mortimer was speaking to his comedy partner's wife saying he wanted to take him on a piss up to Iceland. When asked why he said:

I want to wreck ya vic!

Why should you never let a man go swimming in Finland with weights on his ankles?

Coz He'll sinky

What do people most commonly use toilet paper for in Bandar Seri Begawan?

Their Brunei

Catwoman bet her male counterpart he couldn't pronouce the capitol of Nepal. But cat man do.

Why was the Polish man rubbing his bollocks? Coz they warsaw.

I just came up with a cracking pun for Japan. Alas, all the wife could say was "What Tokyo so long?"

The ex Mrs McCartney got naked in East Germany in the 80s. She was known for years in the area as Bare-lin

Cheap flights to Russia still available! Book now! Everything Moscow!

The people of Bahamas think learning Capitol cities is Nassau important

The people of the Netherlands had a need to build a water driven power station as well as an overabundance of pork products. So they used 'Ams to Dam a river.

A husband and wife in the Phillipines were both very, very unwell. The woman was sick, but the man iller.

What's the average Senegalian's favoured mode of transport? Da car

Have you heard about the talking cat in Somalia that only throws insults? The Moggy Diss you

They are obsessed with John Cleese in Uruguay. They love a video of Fawlty towers almost as much as they love a Montevideo

People from Vietnam Hanoi the hell outta me

Rain storms are very rare in Zambia, but in Zimbabwe they Harera

Before you do a joke about Macedonia, let me Skopje right there

I've heard Swedish Ikea workers get stuff for free, they can just take Stockholm

If you are trying to eat Halal in Pakistan, Islamabad or good choice?

So they can scan-da-navy-in when they return from war.

Jamaican in class: Da cheetah is faster dandelion

The pun-da.

They're painting bar codes on their ships so when they come into port, they just scan-da-navy-in.

Son: Knock, knock.

Me: Who’s there?

Son: Interrupting Dad.

Me: Interrupting Da-

Son: “BUUUURRP!”

I got dad joked by my 8 year old...

It's so they can scan-da-navy-in.

So when they return they can ScanDaNavyIn.

The Secretary of da' Fence!

Tep on da bwake tupid!

because sad backwards is das, and das not good.

You tep on da brakes, tupid

Tep on da bwake tupid

Da brie was everywhere!

Da feet

So when they arrive in port, they can scan da navy in.

There was nothing left but da-brie.

Because sad backwards is Das. And Das no good.

Don't be sad, be happy because sad backwards is das and das not good.

Da

So they could scan da navy in!