I've been thinking of writing this post for a while now. I'm pretty new to Reddit, less than a year. Starting to understand the culture a bit, notice some of the same names periodically, all that. I've learned that it can be an angry place, and I know I've contributed to that on numerous occasions. But it's got me wondering: can we take a moment to recognize that we've all survived two years of chaos and calamity?
No matter how different our perspectives are, how seemingly polarized our opinions have become, can we maybe extend one another some grace and compassion. I think a lot of us use this platform as an outlet, and we've ALL had a crap ton of strife in our lives in recent times. We're all exhausted, we're all worn out, we are all struggling to make it through each day. It's so easy to forget and just see one another as a user name.
The world is already a hard enough place to navigate right now. I know I've been struggling to stay positive, my buffer is gone. I can only speak for myself, but I don't want to contribute to someone else's struggles. Even if I'm sure I'm 'right', or if I think that someone is being rude.
Let's try to give each other a break. Less word jousting, more patience. Less clever, more compassion. And maybe we can make right now a bit easier, or at the very least, slightly less heavy. 🪁
This is really just a vent post, honestly, I can't hold it in lately.
I got boosted about five days ago. I've been really careful throughout the pandemic, try to minimize my risks at every possible turn, and in my area the case rates for the fourth wave are dropping off very steeply. Given all this, I decided to go for a really quick trip to the grocery store this morning, when there are usually very few people. I didn't get curbside pickup because the place often rejects my card online, and they've messed up my grocery orders several times, so I thought wearing a kn95 and making it a quick trip would be the most effective way to get my errand done. Of course though, I go in, squirt a little performative hand sanitizer on my paws, and the first aisle I have to walk through to get into the store has a grandmother and an unmasked child who is coughing and jumping around. I swear I tore through the store as quickly as humanly possible, checking everything off my list and bolting for the register. I maybe topped out at 15 minutes in the store, but not without a jolly little panic attack and a sudden cascade of OCD body checking thoughts, like you do.
I realize that my chances of getting covid from this encounter are relatively low, and like I said, the case rates in my area are fortunately getting lower by the day. I've admittedly done riskier things than this in the past week, and I've had my stress about that too, but at least I chose to take on that risk. I see a therapist, I meditate, I exercise, I take precautions, I do the things one is told to do to manage the constant emotional onslaught of living in these conditions, and I'm just TIRED. I feel like I've brought everything I have to the table trying to survive, I've tried to maintain my compassion for people, and yet I'm still just sitting here wondering why it seems to be so hard for people to just give their kids a mask when we really don't know how covid could affect them in the long run (or any of us, honestly). I keep bargaining with invisible enemies, trying to maintain empathy for people, even the ones who act foolishly, and I feel like I'm losing a part of myself because I just feel rage, worry and exhaustion all at once when I step out of my house and see people who visibly display how little they care. It's relentless.
There's not really much else I have to say. I feel like my sense of self has eroded and my personality has been overwritten by a recurrent series of little behaviors I perfo
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Do you have higher amount of “compassion” for you vaccinated covid patients vs your non-vaccinated?
The best way I can describe how I'm feeling now is that my brain and I are tired of one another. Or, maybe in a better way that does not attempt to separate consciousness from the brain and in doing so trip into a myriad of philosophical questions, emotional pineapple and logical pineapple would like a break from each other but such a thing is impossible.
Logical pineapple understands that emotional pineapple is Having A Time but emotional pineapple has been Having A Time for over 14 years and it's getting tiring. Emotional pineapple is annoyed with the fact that logical pineapple does not want to handle the actual underlying issues leading to the problems they both experience and instead believe just functioning is okay.
It's like the logical part of me is perfectly aware of the academic definitions and explanations of what is wrong with me and believes that is sufficient for resolving the problems while the emotional part of me wants to actually feel the feelings. But I don't like feeling feelings, I like having things clearly defined and delineated and intellectualized.
Emotional pineapple feels bad for herself about what happened. Logical pineapple gets the sentiment but given that what we (I, I guess is more accurate here) experienced is likely in the bottom 50th percentile of Negative Things To Happen To Someone, logical pineapple feels like emotional pineapple is being a bit excessive. Emotional pineapple gets that it could be worse but at the same time, everything can always be worse. Emotional pineapple wants internal validation, logical pineapple wants external validation but is too scared of being told she's overreacting to ask for it.
I think part of the problem is that growing up I've always prided myself on handling everything without displaying outward signs of struggle and I can't seem to stop now. I ended up in the hospital last year and signed myself out before getting treatment so I could get to class and went to class still in pain and exhausted and did well. Instead of thinking "wow, that's messed up, me" I think "good job. keep it up". I had a panic attack during a final exam and when I joked about it to a friend in the program she said I could definitely ask for an extension or retake or something similar and given the professor, she'd likely understand and I just could not comprehend. The idea of asking for help or in any way indicating that I'm struggling outside of anonymously online is baffling to me. And that's not a good th
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As if dealing with adhd isn’t enough, in the >1.5 years I’ve been with my dx partner, he’s had knee surgery and then shattered his heel leading to a second major reconstructive surgery. He works a physically demanding job and had a lot of job insecurity as a result of the injury, lost wages leading to financial hardship and just a shit ton of navigating medical and worker’s comp bureaucracy. All of this took a major toll on his mental health and he struggled with fairly severe anxiety and depression, which made him a largely absent partner (even once he was past the point of me being a physical caretaker).
He’s healed (mostly. Still some lingering issues and bureaucracy to deal with), his job is more secure and he’s really making an effort to settle on a stable medication regime, is trying to help more around the house and be a better partner. He had a small depressive episode a couple of weeks ago that he dug himself out of pretty quickly (compared to the past). After that happened, I’ve realized in the past week or more that I’ve just felt a lot of numbness, apathy, and irritability in place of my normal sympathy. He’s bailed on me a couple times for doing activities because of needing to spend time on the phone in a maze of medical providers and instead of feeling empathy for this, I’ve just felt like “well of course he never comes through for me!” And angry.
It occurred to me yesterday that I’m suffering from compassion fatigue. Like I’m completely burned out on the amount of empathy and support he’s needed most of our relationship, made worse by existing gender household dynamics, adhd, and the fact that we had no solid base before his injuries for me to really sense he’d be as reliable for me as I’ve been for him. Recognizing and naming this has been a relief to me but now I’m wondering how to address it. How do I refuel my compassion and stop just feeling numb and apathetic?
So I’m a pediatric icu nurse, and lately we have started to get more and more patients coming in previously healthy with covid and the story is the same. “Parents aren’t vaccinated. Dad/Mom were sick and passed it to the baby”. The patients we have are intubated some on ECMO, and I see the parents tearful at the bedside. Am I a horrible nurse for thinking “this is on you. You got your kid sick because you “did your research””? I’m a parent and would be a mess if my kid is sick.
I just don’t have it in me to feel sad, I’m just angry about it.
Edit: Thank you everyone for all your support and letting me know it’s not just me!
It's so hard to be nice, compassionate, understanding, loving etc... after a while I just start to not care or become angry with people for being so needy. I didn't know there was a term for this until a few months ago, but I guess it's a real thing. Anyone else experience this? Suggestions on how to deal with it?
I have always LOVED animals. Sounds crazy but my compassion and love for animals runs far deeper than people. I feel like I am seeing dead people on the floor when I pass roadkill, sometimes it gets to me so much I don’t eat for the day. I have always done a lot for animals, I’ve saved a lot of strays, adopted, fostered but now more than ever stray and particularly shelter animals ESPECIALLY kill shelters need our help and I am starting to advocate for them but seeing how I can’t save them all and there are SO MANY it really makes me question so much, like how can anything like this happen so often everyday, if there is a higher power WHY there’re so innocent, it makes me depressed. And the more I get into rescue I know the more I will see. How do I not let it drive me mad?
I'm a BSN student and one of my current discussion questions is about compassion fatigue. We had an article to read and it gave some suggestions for support services an institution can employ to help nurses with compassion fatigue... including - no I'm not joking - art therapy during work hours.
I'm obviously not yet a nurse, but from everything I've read here and in the news, I'm (somewhat) aware of how much burnout and compassion fatigue is going on, especially the past few years with the pandemic. I feel for you all and I know it basically comes down to greed in a lot of ways on the part of hospital administration. So I was just curious if anyone actually has any type of services at their disposal to combat this. I'm guessing the answer will be no.
I am experiencing compassion fatigue and I feel a lot of guilt because I’ve worked as a community mental health clinician for less than two years, and only 5 months full time. I’m not really sure what to do. It doesn’t help that I’m 4 months pregnant and exhausted. I’m feeling so burnt out that I’m doubting whether or not this career is right for me and whether or not I should pursue my masters in social work like I’ve been planning.
Are you experiencing compassion fatigue? How are managing it? How do you make it as a social worker without burning out super fast?
Hi everyone I am a psychology student doing a peer review. I am unsure if compassion fatigue would be seen as a key theory or psychological construct.
As far as I can tell it is a construct however there are theoretical frameworks about compassion fatigue.
Any help will be appreciated.
I've been a BCBA for 6 years and have split my time between a clinic, school setting and recently in-home and telehealth. I went to counseling last year while I was working for a school district because I felt super anxious and had zero desire to "help people." That's been a huge trigger for my anxiety. Our field is a helping profession. As an introvert, I don't think I realized that while I love behavior analysis and seeing my clients be successful- I get really fatigued with the demands on us to help our clients change in big ways.
I've been doing pretty well over the past 8 months with my new in-home/ telehealth job. Way less anxiety triggers and I like that I can make my schedule and not get texts at 6:45AM or 9:00PM like I did when I worked for the school district. I just got assigned a new client whose mom is "high needs." We all know the type. Reaches out after hours. Has a lot of demands for how they want the RBT to engage with the client. Hearing about this client has definitely triggered me. I just have zero capacity for this kind of client anymore. The parent also wants to up supervision from 4 to 6 hours and be completely in-home which I'm also stressed about.
In the past I think I would've been excited for an increase in hours because we can do so much more, but I'm just completely apathetic. In the past I also would've felt confident I could handle a difficult parent and probably prided myself on my ability in this area.
Has anyone with a similar personality dealt with this kind of fatigue and burn-out? I'm wondering if I should start to assert myself and be particular about which clients I take. I don't have much choice but I'm feeling more and more persuaded that my burn-out is not because I'm a bad BCBA but because we cater to our jobs in a way that leads to burnout.
Seeking advice…I have been a dietitian for 5.5 years. I started as an inpatient clinical RD and now do outpatient one-on-one counseling. I always thought I wanted to do outpatient, but I find talking to patients 1:1 incredibly draining. I definitely care about my patients, and genuinely want to make a positive impact, but I do not think I am a natural counselor/nutrition therapist. I love nutrition. But I think I love learning about it way more than “doing” it. I am wondering if I should have kept nutrition as a hobby and not a career…
That said what non client/customer facing nutrition jobs exist, if any?
My wife is an ICU nurse and she’s been having a real hard time with work in the last year or so. She comes home crying very often and when I talk to her about things she tries her best to explain but I can tell she’s frustrated because I just don’t know what it’s like in that environment and setting. She keeps talking about how everyone is dying from COVID and when a patient goes on the ventilator they most always don’t come off it and later die. It kind of sounds like compassion fatigue to me because she’s constantly failing at her job to keep people alive.
My question, is wtf can I do to help and be supportive of her? It’s pretty awful to see the woman I chose to spend my life with constantly in so much emotional pain. I think it’s starting to affect our marriage and her parenting of our son and the relationship with her parents. I don’t know how to help her
So I've actually come across these terms in two different lines of work (once when very briefly working in a trauma clinic as an admin, the other time when translating and copy-editing articles on nursing) and I am still unclear as to what any differences between them are, or if they are all the same thing.
Secondary trauma aka vicarious trauma I understand as when someone (often a therapist or emergency responder, but not necessarily) experiences symptoms of PTSD (flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, nightmares, hypervigilance etc) with relation to one or more traumatic events which they did not themselves experience, rather they have been told about it by someone who did experience it.
Compassion fatigue I see on the internet (in reputable sources) being used equivalently to secondary/vicarious trauma, but often with it saying that compassion fatigue, together with secondary/vicarious trauma, refers to a different condition where the sufferer has certain symptoms - that are not necessarily PTSD-type - in relation to clients' (or others') traumas.
Why do I ask about this? The other day I made a post here expressing concern that I'm experiencing vicarious trauma and I'm now more sure of it, I would like to be able to access resources and communities related to the appropriate problem, and preferably not ones that are centred specifically around therapists or emergency service workers, as that is not applicable to me, the person whose trauma is the content of my intrusive thoughts is simply someone I know and care about, no professional relationship.
Thanks in advance
I work in child protective services as an investigator. My case load is about 50 right now. It’s not sustainable. I am losing my empathy toward my clients, I am constantly filled with dread about work, and I’m very, very irritable. I think it’s best for myself and my clients if I take a step back.
The question is- what do I do with that time off? I could easily sleep all day, but that isn’t going to make me feel better. We have a pool and I may swim in it some. I thought about getting my toes and nails done, getting a massage, going to therapy, maybe going for some walks. The point is that I’m not taking care of myself and I’m not prioritizing me. I worked three fifteen hour days last week. My mental health cannot take another day in office right now. I know I am inconveniencing my coworkers, but my attitude right now is inconveniencing my clients, and they don’t deserve that.
To those who didn't know there was a term for it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-4m35Gixno
If I have to explain why I posted this, then this isn't for you and consider yourself blessed.
"Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option." - Maya Angelou
Checking in with fellow Eligibility Workers. I hope you are all coping with "return to normal" which from my end seems to be anything but.
A little about me: Covid waivers and Unemployment extensions ended in my state last month and it's been chaos ever since. My county and more specifically my department (family SNAP/TANF) has been hit with more applications than we know what to do with. Then renewals started... I've never seen us this behind on processing in my entire 10 years at the county. My task this week was answering phone calls and after 50 calls tallied yesterday I broke down and cried. We finally had overtime approved by management today so I could cope knowing there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
Take care and be kind to yourself and each other. Take advantage of Employee assistance program (EAP) if you have it.
The past 6 months or so I helped my sibling out, being there for him most days and nights to support him during bed mental health moments. At the same time I was trying to convalesce my mental health after having a mental breakdown.
I gave more than what I had in compassion and support to my sibling because he was in a horrible position having BPD and a chronic physical illness. Countless nights I would be his rock and listen to him mull over his past trauma and current issues. All of his trauma is very real and I don’t doubt he turned out the way he is because of that trauma.
The issue is he hardly showed signs of improvement, and he said therapy couldn’t help him. He tried many therapists but to him the therapists always ended up being bad for various reasons. He’s very quick to blame other people for his issues, but hardly accepts responsibility for his sometimes horrible actions.
It’s got to a point where I became traumatized by his hours long meltdowns where he would scream, throw things, and cause general chaos. He never directed this towards me and he instead directed it towards my mother. My mother has told me she is numb to it all and I believe her.
I haven’t talked to my sibling in over a week because I go into a panic whenever he calls me. I just can’t do it anymore. I’m worn out. Luckily he understands his actions very much affect me and he’s been respecting my boundaries the past week. However he has a history of ignoring my boundaries.
I know he is really hurting right now but I start shaking and go into panic if I think about going over to his house. I dont want to have to cut him out of my life completely but it could get to that point.
Has anyone dealt with this situation? You give your unconditional support to a BPD family member and you end up traumatized? I don’t use the word “traumatized” lightly.
Apologies, I am on mobile. I am a hospital social worker, and was recently placed to work in the ICU. I thought I had a better grasp of not bringing home work with me, however lately this has not been the case. The patients are the sickest of the sick, each with a sad story attached to them. There are moments of having to empathize with grieving families of patients young and old. The hardest part is that due to our low income/poverty area, most are uninsured. This is also a very remote and small town, so there are virtually no resources other than go-fund-mes. Lately, I have been having a harder time separating myself from work, and it has come to the point where my mental health has been severely affected. I am burnt out. I'm crying and dreading going to work. I feel hopeless and cruel telling families there are no options other than going home. Not to mention the increasing pressure to discharge patients fast. I loved working as a hospital social worker when I had to tele units, and I was able to manage my emotions more. This changed when I was put on the ICU floor exclusively (I am the only social worker working the ICU floor, which has max 40 beds). Any advice to help cope would be appreciated.
My boyfriend is an EMT and he is experiencing pretty bad compassion fatigue. I noticed a change in his attitude around the time he switched to the day shift from the night shift.
How do I help him? He just seems irritated everytime i bring it up. He says he doesn't want to talk about it. Says therapy is stupid. I just want to help him. I dont want him to feel like he needs to suffer through this alone. Hes began pushing me away as well.
Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Thanks.
Edit: Thank you all for your advice. Unfortunately, me bringing it up just aggravated him more and he broke up with me. I let him know I'm worried about him and am still there for him if he needs to talk.
Idk. I dont think hes going to get help, i think he just going to try to bury it.
I work in public health and specialize in outreach and I absolutely love what I do. Protecting the health of individuals and their communities is so essential to me, especially during this time of such devastating loss and grief. The biggest challenge I encounter on a daily basis, however, is people's indifference towards all of this suffering.
Every single day, I have to speak with people who either minimize the importance of our global health crisis or who deny its existence. It's easy to label these people as "bad", and to shame and degrade them. But it's become clear to me that perhaps they need our patience and compassion the most. Loving-kindness meditation has become a vital part of my daily routine so I'm able to show up with a clear mind and open heart and do my job.
I've realized that denial is many people's way of coping with this collective trauma. I've also realized that in a culture where individualism is God, many people refuse to cooperate and compromise for the safety of all. Many of us here don't know how to live in community because that is simply not something we were taught to value.
As of late, I could feel my empathy for these people fading because it's ROUGH to practically beg people to care that others are dying or losing their quality of life from preventable illnesses. It's ROUGH to hear their cold apathy, their smug attitudes, and their hostility over something that has killed people all around you.
How can I stay compassionate because at the moment I am TIRED.
I’m having a really hard time having any sort of sympathy for patients who don’t need to be at the ER and especially those with COVID-19 now. It has been a brutal year and a half. My whole hospital is woefully understaffed. floors shut down because we don’t have nurses. The ER is been crippled. And now we’re looking at another Covid surge.
I had a patient I had to admit yesterday. Anti-VAXer, really anti-science. A real piece of work. He said he wouldn’t be getting any sort of experimental vaccination. I snapped back and yet you’re here at the hospital on supplemental oxygen begging me to admit you for “experimental” treatments for a”fake virus”.
I will probably get a complaint about that one
I made the hard decision to euthanize a long term (over 2 years) adult foster on Monday. It was likely GI lymphoma, and she was declining fast. The whole day, I consulted several people - vets and techs - to go over the medicine to make sure I wasn’t acting out of self interest. The constant diarrhea was getting to be so hard for me to keep Up with that it was affecting my mental health. So I was scared I was considering euthanasia for my own benefit.
But the data all said she was declining and it was time. She had lost a lot of weight and was ready. I just hate when I have to make these decisions when they’re not so clear cut. If something is actively dying, please help it along! But this was different. I actually decided for another creature that it was time to die.
Let’s add losing THREE foster neonatal kittens this week, two today and one Tuesday. I get it that my “specialty” is the neonates that no one else is willing to try, so I get a lot more that die than other foster parents. But my god, this week was just too much.
Just needed to vent it out somewhere and try to purge the feelings so I can process and heal. I won’t ever stop fostering and trying to save the neonates, but I need a little time off from it.
**** Chowder is being an amazing emotional support cat ****
The best way I can describe how I'm feeling now is that my brain and I are tired of one another. Or, maybe in a better way that does not attempt to separate consciousness from the brain and in doing so trip into a myriad of philosophical questions, emotional pineapple and logical pineapple would like a break from each other but such a thing is impossible.
Logical pineapple understands that emotional pineapple is Having A Time but emotional pineapple has been Having A Time for over 14 years and it's getting tiring. Emotional pineapple is annoyed with the fact that logical pineapple does not want to handle the actual underlying issues leading to the problems they both experience and instead believe just functioning is okay.
It's like the logical part of me is perfectly aware of the academic definitions and explanations of what is wrong with me and believes that is sufficient for resolving the problems while the emotional part of me wants to actually feel the feelings. But I don't like feeling feelings, I like having things clearly defined and delineated and intellectualized.
Emotional pineapple feels bad for herself about what happened. Logical pineapple gets the sentiment but given that what we (I, I guess is more accurate here) experienced is likely in the bottom 50th percentile of Negative Things To Happen To Someone, logical pineapple feels like emotional pineapple is being a bit excessive. Emotional pineapple gets that it could be worse but at the same time, everything can always be worse. Emotional pineapple wants internal validation, logical pineapple wants external validation but is too scared of being told she's overreacting to ask for it.
I think part of the problem is that growing up I've always prided myself on handling everything without displaying outward signs of struggle and I can't seem to stop now. I ended up in the hospital last year and signed myself out before getting treatment so I could get to class and went to class still in pain and exhausted and did well. Instead of thinking "wow, that's messed up, me" I think "good job. keep it up". I had a panic attack during a final exam and when I joked about it to a friend in the program she said I could definitely ask for an extension or retake or something similar and given the professor, she'd likely understand and I just could not comprehend. The idea of asking for help or in any way indicating that I'm struggling outside of anonymously online is baffling to me. And that's not a good th
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