Today I accidentally sent a nude picture of myself to my entire address book.

The embarrassment of it was hard enough to handle. It also cost me a small fortune in stamps

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/smoffatt34920
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 01 2022
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Who was the roundest knight at the Round Table?

Sir Cumference. He had too much pi.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/chacham2
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 21 2021
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What crime was the fussy baby charged with?

Resisting a breast

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/chiggyrillo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 20 2021
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Every time I travel to a new city, I like to take a picture of myself in front of the tomes of books...

I just have to take shelfies!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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Living with my friend Cole can be tough sometimes.

He's got all these really weird rules you have to follow, like whenever you eat cabbage, he insists you have to eat it with mayonnaise.

It's just Cole's law.

(Thought of this one whilst trying to come up with puns to annoy my husband. He abhors dad jokes, and receiving this look -_- means I did a good job.)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/arthur_nemosnax
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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My dad asked if we wanted to see a picture of his pride and joy [x-post /r/funny]

He took this out of his wallet. Apparently he's been caring it around since the 80s: http://imgur.com/ri2NcWR. Making dad jokes before he was even a dad!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cali_grown22
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 28 2014
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Tablets were replaced by scrolls. Scrolls were replaced by books.

Now we scroll through books on tablets.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/zu-den-sternen
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 03 2021
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Works better with the picture but still very funny
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/OnlyIcy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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If I send you a funny picture from the internet, it memes I like you.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rustey_Shackleford
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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What do you call a cow on a nail?

Stake (steak) (From my 11 y/o)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/boudwin
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 20 2021
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I found a picture of a dark basalt rock inscribed with a runic "w" in my book.

That's a wyn-whin in my book.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/1wrd
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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When I use the toilet, I look at funny pictures on my phone, just for shits and giggles.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DuckBalloon
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 17 2015
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Found a book full of Dad Humor at the thrift store today. [x-post r/funny]

http://imgur.com/a/buLLc

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MaMaJillianLeanna
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 21 2014
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[x-post /r/funny] my Dad decided to dress up the dog and stage a picture for Facebook

http://i.imgur.com/FfF1hYX.jpg

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/vinnycogs820
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 11 2014
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Iโ€™m reading a horror book in Braille. Something terribleโ€™s about to happen.

I can feel it.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/deadman590
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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Coleโ€™s Law

Dad: โ€œHave you hear of Murphyโ€™s Law?โ€

Unsuspecting Victim: โ€œYesโ€

Dad: โ€œHave you heard of Coleโ€™s Law?โ€

Unsuspecting Victim: โ€œNoโ€

Dad: โ€œIt is thinly sliced cabbageโ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tzizthewiz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
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*On a date*

Date: So, what do you do?

Me: * holds up menu * you just pick one from this picture book of meals.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Niyi_M
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/communist_scumbag
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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10 Stupid Puns
  1. My friend once told me she watched Regular Show all the time. I said, "I guess you could say you watch it regularly." We are not friends anymore. (True Story)

  2. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

  3. I wanted to take pictures of the fog this morningโ€ฆ But Iย mistย my chance. I guess I couldย dewย itย tomorrow!

  4. Looks tasty. Gimme a pizza that.

  5. Why do eggs hate jokes? The answers always crack them up!

  6. What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? "Hey, close the door! I'm dressing!"

  7. Somebody stole all my lampsโ€ฆ. And I couldn't be more de-lighted!

  8. I once met a pig that did karateโ€ฆ We called him Pork Chop!

  9. Coffee has a rough time in our house. It gets mugged every single morning!

  10. My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!

(Source For All Puns Except The First) https://bestlifeonline.com/bad-funny-puns/

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/punsdaily
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.

She whispered, "They're right behind you..."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ZappBrannigansLaw
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 20 2018
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I went into the local library and asked if they had any books on the Titanic...

"Oh yes, quite a few." the librarian said.

"Sorry to hear that!" I said laughing. "They'll all be ruined by now!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 16 2017
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my son just became a father last week,

so i know it was finally time. i went to his house and gave him my most treasured gift: my book "1001 Dad Jokes" he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said " thank you so much, im honored" which made me start crying. i responded with the only thing i could say "hi honored im dad"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SkyTheShyGuy
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 05 2018
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Caught my dad red handed on a Facebook post.

Post: (optical illusion type situation) How many water melons are in this picture?

Everyone else: Numerical guesses.

My dad: "all of them"

The people over at r/funny didn't get it- I hope you guys can appreciate it.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/happyunicorn2
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 03 2016
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From my linear algebra textbook
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/StaleTheBread
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 04 2017
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I bought a selfie-stick

here's a photo of my daughter and me taken with it

http://i.imgur.com/In3hWXC.jpg

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PonyMamacrane
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 21 2015
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Best laugh Iโ€™ve had in a long time.

So my dog was barking at something outside and I was chilling in my recliner. I called her over to me, looked her dead in the eyes and told her she has barkinsonโ€™s disease. I then burst out in laughter almost falling out of my chair.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Shredhead15
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
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๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/heyaliheyali
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 13 2013
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasnโ€™t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? โ€œMy Fare, Ladyโ€.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physicianโ€™s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


โ€œWhatโ€™s purple and 5000 miles long?โ€ โ€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!โ€


Every calendarโ€™s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. โ€œFour bucks,โ€ says the bartender. โ€œPut it on my bill.โ€


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When heโ€™s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle canโ€™t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Punsville
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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A Dad joke planted as a seed, which took 17 years to flower.

Not quite as tragic, but it manifested into something which has haunted me at my job for years.

When I was a little kid learning about the world around me, my dad was naturally the font of all knowledge for me, He would answer all of little snippersmith's questions with his own unique insights and anecdotes teaching me of my surroundings with varying degrees of accuracy.

One day In a picture book, I encountered a photo of one of natures most bizarre creatures, the mighty duck billed platypus. Filled with curiosity of this bizarre creature and an Inability to read a young snippersmith asked his father what this creature was called, To which his father replied,

That's a Quackopotamous.....

As is a highly likely situation in day to day life the Platypus (or indeed the Quackopotamous), did not come into conversation for another 17 years, Until of course the Platypus came into conversation around the lunch table at a now grown up snippersmith's full time place of work.

I have not been allowed to forget I thought the Platypus was called a Quackopotamous, Indeed I am reminded on a daily basis by my colleagues, by my nickname Quackopotamous .

Thanks Dad.

EDIT 1: Holy Cow this took off! Gold! thank you so much.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/snippersmith
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 21 2016
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He believed it for years!

As a kid I loved to get the sunday comics from the paper and read Calvin and Hobbes. I loved it so much my parents would get me the compilation books as gifts for birthdays and christmas. I always thought it was funny when Calvin would ask his dad how "x" works. One day my son when he was about 6 years old asked my why some TV shows were in black and white. Inspired by this calvin and hobbes comic where Calvin's dad explains why photos are black and white. http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/ch/1993/ch930919.gif

I decided to do the same thing to my kid. I told him that the world was black and white back then and that things didn't start to become in color for decades later. I got a good chuckle out of it, but because he was so young, I didn't realize that he actually believed it. I soon forgot that I told him the world was black and white. When he was about 11 or 12, one day I got a call from my wife and she asked me, "Did you tell your son that the world used to be black and white?" I start laughing immediately and said yes! How did you know? She said because your son is writing an essay about how the world used to be black and white for school and he asked me what year the world became color. He believed that for like 6 years!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jimillett
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 01 2015
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Need funny puns for my food truck menu items

Hey y'all. I have an aรงaรญ bowl food truck in Fort Worth, TX, and we've always had some pretty witty menu item names. For exmaple, we just took off "the Big Lebolwski"

 

We just added some things to our menu. Here it is: https://www.rollinnbowlin.com/menu

 

Anyone have a good funny pun name for our avocado toast? I'll post a picture of our menu on our food truck if someone gives me a really good name! And if you have any better names for any of our items, I'd love to hear them!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FrenchJohnStockton
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 11 2018
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I love ruining the plot of Dorian Gray for people

Never gets old.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jxf
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 05 2017
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A picture's worth a thousand words

Especially if it's a picture of a book.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/StupidBunnyBoy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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Out to dinner with my wife and son when...

My son was matching the state pictures with their names on the kids menu and says: "Idaho"

Me "Udaho?"

Him "No, Idaho"

My wife catches the conversation and bursts out laughing and our son spends the next five minutes going "What's so funny?"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Mark2_0
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 25 2016
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I just sold my car and this was my add

Hi Folks, If you are a linguist then I am selling your dream car! Iโ€™m selling an Accent, a 2004 Hyundai Accent to be precise. Even if you donโ€™t know a bunch of languages, this car is still great for you.

Just like me, itโ€™s been around the birthday block a few times, but thereโ€™s still lots of life left in both of us, I guarantee! If you are looking for the perfect body, seek out a surgeon. If youโ€™re looking for a car that will love you just the way you are, this is it. Now I know what youโ€™re thinking, โ€œI bet this is a junkerโ€, but youโ€™d be wrong. Next to my wife this is the best body Iโ€™ve ever had my hands on.

Whatโ€™s wrong with it mechanically you ask? Nothing! It drives great, A/C & heat still work like a dream, breaks work, transmission shifts good, and the 1.6L engine runs great. With its age, the engine has had some parts replaced. All the belts have recently been changed, that happens with age as I just went up a few sizes myself. The washer fluid pump has been changed because itโ€™s important to be able to have a good cry once in a while. I did an oil change in the summer and depending on how long it takes for this car to finds itโ€™s new match, I will do another in the next month or so.

Since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Iโ€™ll give you a run down of what the interior is like. Itโ€™s whatโ€™s on the inside that matters anyway right? I am the 3rd owner of this car and the previous owner was a smoker. I donโ€™t believe there is a cigarette smell anymore but the cloth seats do have little holes in them. I mean hey, when you play with fire you get burnt right? The stereo head unit has been replaced with a modern Pioneer as the original just wasnโ€™t in tune with my musical needs as a Dj. The only real problem this pretty young thing has is the passenger rear seatbelt does not retract. Since I have two mini controllers I taxi around, Iโ€™ve had car seats in the back and have had no reason to replace the seatbelt yet. A new one is only a cool $250 from Hyundai but will take some time for delivery. There are still 4 working seatbelts in the car so if youโ€™re traveling with another couple, Iโ€™m sure theyโ€™ll love to cuddle up in the middle and behind you, the driver.

The trunk is spacious enough for the average trunk but just doesnโ€™t work out so well for hauling Dj gear. The rear seats fold as easy a poker player having their bluff called, so it will give you extra room. Not much more that I can think of to tell you about but take a look at the plethora of p

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DjBWren
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
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[REQUEST] Username Pun

Hi guys, I need to change my username online (mostly used in games) as it's not really something unique ( came from a book I read when I was younger ).

I'm trying to find something quite funny, with plays on words for example. But english isn't my native language and I find it quite hard ! So I'm asking you guys to help me :) You're the best for that imho !

If you could help me find something mixing music (percussions/drums), sciences (my field of study, physics to be more precise), beer and animals maybe (?) (because I like that !)

I think this is possible to find something using some science-specific noun and something else. But I can't seem to find one that suits me :(

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PRD-dat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 10 2016
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The first rule of Dad Club is:

Repeat the same joke over and over again even though no-one but you finds it funny.
The second rule of Dad Club is:
Repeat the same joke over and over again even though no-one but you finds it funny.
The third rule...well, you get the picture.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sandysingssongs
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 07 2018
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Chemistry Puns

Funny collection of chemistry puns

What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? Heโ€™s 0K now.


What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.


How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate? A sulfone


What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze.


Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements? Because if you canโ€™t helium or curium, you barium!


Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends argon.


Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution!


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because itโ€™s in the ground state.


How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocadoโ€™s number.


If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.


What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


What element is a girlโ€™s future best friend? Carbon.


I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? Heโ€™s 0K now.


What do you do with a dead chemists? Barium


What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon? A CaNiNe


What did the chemist snack on during lunch? A โ€˜gramโ€™ cracker.


What would you call a clown in jail? Silicon (Silly Con)


What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe.


How did carbon propose to Hydrogen? With a โ€œcarbonkneelโ€


What did one titration tell the other? Letโ€™s meet at the endpoint.


How can you spot a chemist in the restroom? They wash their hands before they go.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because itโ€™s basic material.


Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just could not put it down


Why do chemistry professor like to

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Punsville
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
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I should have laughed...

So my dad loves to tell jokes, not one has ever been funny. So one day my GF was over and he decided to share a joke with her. He does. I look at him and I'm like "cmon Dad, that's horrible! U can do better" and laughed kinda like I was pitying him. He goes u think ur so cool huh?" He then got up grabbed me and locked me between his legs. So u all can understand, I'm 16 5"8 and thin. So not many people can't beat me. My dad is 6"3 and jacked. He looks likes mark wahlberg, from pain and gain, and that's not an overstatement. He then goes "what should we do now? How about an old fashioned wedgie!" He grabbed my underwear and pulled as hard as he could. "Why do u want to date a nerd that where's briefs? Haha" he's going. She starts laughing a little. He then goes "let's give u (GF) a better view" he then turns me around and lifts me up with a wedgie, "look at this dork dangle by his undies! Take a picture!" She did then pulled hard again and my underwear tore. He looked at me and went "maybe u shouldn't act like ur top dog kid, it'll get ur undies ripped right off." And she shared the pic around school, and know people come up to me saying "dude ur dad Is like a jock who gives u wedgies!" And makes fun of me for it. A couple of the seniors football player pinned me down and wedgied me so bad in the halls my underwear ripped off. And everyone was laughing. At least it happened at the end of the year so I only had 2 week of teasing. People have forgotten about. IT WAS horrible. And humiliating. So now I laugh at his jokes no matter how cringey they are, cause I fear his wedgies. Because their not regular. There delivered by a man who's biceps are bigger than my head. It's very painful. SO THE LESSON IS TO ALWAYS LAUGH AT DAD JOKES, escpeically if he can dangle u by ur undies!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kwiikberg
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 05 2017
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Need help coming up with a Pun

I'm not sure where else to post this but I hope this is the right place.

A close girl friend of mine is a fine artist that specializes in greeting cards with funny/cute puns/lines on the front and since I am moving away in December I wanted to create a Christmas or Thank You card one for her. Some examples are Bonne Fett (with a picture of Boba Fett holding balloons, and You R2 Cute (with a picture of R2D2 and a heart). Essentially she does a lot of cultural references that can be put onto a greeting card.

The two things she loves in this world are Egg McMuffins and Chinese Coconut buns. Could I get some help coming up with a Christmas/Thank you Puns using one of those ideas I can put on a card?

Thanks so much!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/g0th1k4
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 07 2016
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A proper joke in the wild from another subreddit.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Lacerta00
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 02 2018
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Dadjoked my teacher girlfriend last night

She was preparing to teach a unit on light, and asked me to look something up in the manual for her. As she handed me the book,

Her: "This is the light teacher's manual."

Me: "Feels pretty heavy to me."

Glare

Her: "You're not funny."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 23
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 05 2014
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A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 79
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Josvys
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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