Churn and burn

At least that’s what the witch Puritans used to say.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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Why do you churn cream? It's butter that way
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RebelSonOfWil
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
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My kid didn't want to make butter today I said too bad it's your churn.
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
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What does incredulous milk slowly churn into?

Butter disbelief.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wizard7926
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2018
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Among the different forms of milk, my favourite is when it is churned.

It’s butter that way.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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A tub of margarine fell on my foot three weeks ago and it still hurts.

I can’t believe it’s not better.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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The β€˜ol factory of puns is churning em out
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eckmasterflex
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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My wife was trying to make butter from milk by churning it with a beater, after 30 mins, there was still no butter, she asked β€œhow much longer do I need to beat it?” I said ...

Until it starts talking

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stor_e_teller
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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Did you hear about that farmer that hosted a party?

Nobody churned up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zakramsey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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Did you hear the rumor about butter?

Well, I'm not going to spread it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dani_SF
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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My great uncle died making butter on his farm last week.

It was a really unfortunate churn of events.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trailsend85
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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The tides have churned
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πŸ‘€︎ u/letMonkeyDrive
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2014
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Why was the butter not made right away?

It had to wait its churn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NnyBees
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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I found this at a store
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Riabloyt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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I felt pretty sick after drinking milk with cream.

My stomach was churning for a while, but now I’m finally feeling butter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
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This time of year, everyone should know the symptoms of the Amish flu.

First you get a little horse, then a little buggy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeaux_seph
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
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How long does it take to make butter

An e-churn-ity

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πŸ‘€︎ u/P4743
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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I told my wife she can't go gluten-free *and* dairy-free

That's the bread and butter!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ign1fy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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My son was waiting in line to make some butter and getting really impatiant

I told him he had to wait his churn

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevew1113
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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Start my new job at the butter factory tomorrow

My stomach is churning

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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Me- Did you know milk makes you break out?

Dad- Is that why they don't serve it in prison?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brainpuke7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2014
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Amish dad outside making butter.

So whose churn is it next?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cfox1B
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
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I tried to make ice cream the other day,

But it didn’t churn out too well

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πŸ‘€︎ u/koalataco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
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So evidently there's a group of anarchist butter makers in WI

Evidently some people just want to watch the world churn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bionic80
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
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I'm disappointed in the the overuse of Dad jokes in today's society

We're a fairly advanced society, we need jokes with content that makes us think. All these easy laughs are making us dumber by the second, and we just keep rewarding them with upvotes that convince the lazy among us to keep churning out lazy jokes. Comedy is one of the only common traits things in every society and culture on this planet and we may not always agree with what is funny, it's very subjective, but no society or culture has no comedy. It's one of the most effective unifiers in all human existence. Of course it's just my two cents, but we really need to avoid cheapening it. There are 6500 spoken languages in the world and this is the most widely spoken, the least spoken languages of course being sign language. Someone once said "a world without laughter would be like a world without warmth, a dark hole in the ground filled with cold water." I know they mean well, but I think it's worse than that. There are three unwritten rules for how comedy should function in the world. We have to learn to follow them or we're doomed as a people, forever, however just like there are two butts in the word "assassin", there are two caveats to this dire situation with lessons learned from the best there is. One is the lesson we can take from Switzerland, I'm not entirely sure what makes them so good at integrating comedy into their lives, but their flag is a huge plus. The other is the lesson we can learn from farmers who know how to put what's important first, how to put in the effort into growing something, and they are always outstanding in their field. We get too caught up in standard modalities of thinking and none of us are totally all right, in fact most of us are at least close to half left. In closing, the absence of comedy when you really think about it, is fear. Fear of the ups and downs of life, much like a fear of elevators. And just like a fear of elevators, we all must take steps to avoid it. Thank you for your time.

Disappointed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mnemonikos82
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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How did the Amish know they didn't prepare their butter right?

It left their stomach churning.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ceejayzz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2018
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Deja Moo

Oh MOOgosh. This might just sound like a load of Bull, but please STEER me out.

Deja Moo (Sung to the tune of Fresh Prince of Bel-air)


Now these are puns all about COWS

Their milk gets flipped, churned all around.

And I’d like to take a minute but I won’t stop and prattle

And tell you this story you haven’t HERD about cattle.


In IstanBULL I was born and BRAISED.

In the pastures back then in my HAYDAYS.

Chewing cud, RUMPING round, and making a fuss.

TANNING out so UDDERLY ridiculous.


When a couple of HEIFERS who had BEEF with me

Started BULLying on my Brand , you see.

I got TIPPED over once and my mom got scared

She said you're MOOvin your behind, your butt, your DAIRY Air.


I whistled for a calf and when it came near

Thought she was a babe, but HE was a STEER!

If anything I can say this STEAK is rare

But that Bovine was BO-FINE so I didn’t care!


I got milked a few times, maybe 7 or 8

More like long-gonehorn, than reliable date.

So I CHUCKED out the udder half of the pasture,

Bevo ain’t a cow, don’t got what I’m after.


Fun fact: a Dairy Cow can produce 125lbs of saliva a day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KrazyCasey412
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2016
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So the music exec demanded we put together a band out of just fishermen and soda jerks

Apparently he wanted to churn out catchy pop songs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jesset77
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2017
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Did you guys hear about the butter business?

The churn over is crazy.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2017
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Sleep-Deprivation Fueled Pun War

My friend (L) and I (B) ended up in a pun war. She had to wake up super early to catch a flight, and this was at about one in the morning:

L: I should definitely set my alarm to 'cow' o.O

B: Haha, do it. Nothing like waking up to cows in the 'moo'rning.

L: Oh my gosh. Absolutely not.

B: Hey, but it would be so 'udder'ly hilarious!

L: I just got stabbed to death by a pun.

B: I'm just trying to 'milk' it for all it's worth...

L: If I did that, I'm not sure I'd wake up in a happy 'moo'od.

B: Just drink some 'calf'inated coffee, and you'll be fine.

L: I'd be laughing 'stock' of the town... Cows don't have a sense of humor.

B: Bull!

L: I'll just use my cowculator do determine how much sleep I'm actually going to get tonight...

B: You could wake up a little later, but you'd have to 'hoof' it to the airport.

L: Hope the weather is good, so my plane isn't 'ground'ed 'beef'.

B: That's stretching it... You should make more of an 'heifer't to come up with good puns.

L: I know when I'm getting creamed.

B: It's hard to 'steer' you in the right direction, because you keep changing topics.

L: That's udderly ridiculous. I'm just trying to mooove on.

B: And I just keep churning 'em out...

L: No, you're just spinning your 'veal's.

B: That's one of the best ones I've herd all night!

L: I thought I might've butchered it...

B: PETA might have a beef with you because of it, though...

L: Well done, well done...

B: I don't think they care leather or not you personally slaughtered it, too.

L: See now, I wish you'd stop 'grilling' me about the bad puns... You should 'patty' yourself on the back. I 'dairy' you to come up with more.

B: Well, you can certainly steak a claim for being able to hold your own...

L: I'm a natural 'barn' comedian. However, I really should quit 'yak'king and go to bed. :p

B: Okay, that's not cows... You lose. You 'cud' have done a lot better.

L: The grass is greener on the other side, okay? Also, cows live in barns, and yaks are related to cows.

B: It was still quite a stretch... Don't have a cow about it.

L: Ha anymoo. Goodnight! Also, don't die of mad cow disease.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/guerrilla154
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2015
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I was going to make some butter today, but it wasn't my churn.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/webguy1975
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
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I prefer to have my milk churned.

It’s butter that way.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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Did you hear the rumor about butter?

I’m not going to spread it!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/red8user
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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What does butter do at a party?

Churn up.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
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I felt pretty sick after drinking some milk with cream.

My stomach was churning for a while, but now I’m finally feeling butter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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