Today a naked man ran into our church and disrupted the service...

He was eventually caught by the organ.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lostinthesauce336
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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Why did the church get indicted by the internal revenue service?

For displaying false profits.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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Why isn’t the priest allowed to tell jokes during church services?

For fear it would create mass hysteria

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reinaesther
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2018
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Talking about a church service with my dad...

I played some music at a church and was telling my dad about one particularly cheesy song called 'Jesus Saves'.

WAIT, SON, STOP! Which bank?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/le_juk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2013
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The churches in Las Vegas

Did You Know…

In Las Vegas there are more Catholic Churches than casinos. Not surprisingly some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed In.

This is done by the chip monks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BastetLXIX
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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How do you sell a chicken to a man that's deaf?

You say "HEY YOU WANNA BUY A CHICKEN?!?!?!?"

My personal favorite. I love to tell it at quiet events. Weddings, church service, funerals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gymrat7110
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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This incredible series of events happened yesterday...

We were in pre-service prayer time hanging out for everyone to come into the room when this conversation.

Pastor 1: "John and I were getting donuts and discussing theology..."

Pastor 2 (from another church): "glad you were having donuts, they're a holy food."

Pastor 1: "man, that joke is really sweet."

Pastor 3: "man, you guys are really on a roll."

I laughed, their were many moans and eye rolls.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2015
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From my granddad

A church is cleaning up after a service, and they hear a noise in the back. They go to investigate, and they find a bear.

"Have no fear, I will not harm you."

"How can we tell?"

"I was just here to say a prayer."

"Go on."

"Dear lord, thank you for this food."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stickdude918
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2013
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Why my uncle is not allowed in church anymore

You know there's a lot of standing up and sitting down during services. When my uncle stood up, the woman in front of him turned around and slapped him in the face. And then she did it again. I heard he was then banned from church.

Later on I asked him what had happened and he said, "Well, when we stood up, I noticed her skirt was in a wedgie so I pulled it out. Then she slapped me. So I put it back."

And that is why my uncle is not allowed in church anymore.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lugasamom
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2014
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A dad joke at church on xmas eve

For those of you who don't know most churches sing silent night by candle light. Everyone gets a candle. At the end of the service my wife spilled hot wax on her hands. After dealing with the immediate pain I said...

Sorry about your waxcident!

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2015
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My grandfather-in-law got my pastor

We were visiting another church's service, and helped pick up folding chairs afterward. Darrel (my grandfather-in-law) took a while to emerge from the storage closet where all the chairs were going, and when he finally came out, my pastor asked sarcastically, "Are you done?!"

His response: "No! I'm Darrel!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crayish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2015
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My dad was ordering music for me online...

I had a church service that I needed to order the music for. I was explaining to my dad just what needed to be ordered. I play Trombone, and naturally needed music in Bass Clef. So he asks me about the clef and I told him I needed Bass Clef.

He goes..."You sure you don't need Trout or Halibut clef?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wilkes-kun
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2015
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My dad dadjoked me on FB (longish)

His post, which I took at face value until the DJ:

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas but there are more Catholic churches than casinos.

Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.

The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.

This is done by the chip monks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crayish
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2014
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Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?

(got this from my dad, in a chain email no less.)

Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas , but there are more Catholic churches than casinos.

Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.

The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.

This is done by the chip monks!

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2014
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