My dog happily chased a fly around the house, eventually nabbing it in one chomp.

I guess it's true: time's fun when you're having flies!

👍︎ 7
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📅︎ Aug 09 2020
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Breakfast of Chomps
👍︎ 2
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👤︎ u/JoIrish
📅︎ Apr 25 2017
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A man decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse, and goes to a local breeder

Not having much knowledge of the animals, he asks the owner to show him around and tell him about different breeds. "Sure, let's go," says the owner, and brings him over to the paddocks.

"So a lot depends on what you want the animal for," he says, and gestures to a powerful stallion running laps. "Over there, you've got your Type A horse: strong, fast, and a little unpredictable, but great if you want to get somewhere in a hurry."

"I think that'd be a little much for me," the man says, and the owner nods, then brings him over to see a mare quietly chomping at some hay in the shade. "This is a Type B horse - tends to be quiet and they're good companions, but not much for doing work."

The man pauses to think about what he wants the animal for, then looks over at a nearby pond and sees a horse swimming and diving over and over again. "What the heck is that one doing?" he asks the owner. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."

👍︎ 264
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📅︎ Oct 25 2020
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What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?

Gobble the ghoul.

👍︎ 3
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📅︎ May 19 2019
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What did the French bulldog call its favorite meal?

Chomps-Elysees

👍︎ 2
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📅︎ May 08 2020
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Dad-joked my girlfriend at dinner

After finding some time for a date night/sexy time in our busy schedules we went out to dinner at Qdoba because we're too cheap to afford much else right now. While eating my burrito I must have chomped down HARD on the aluminum foil and my lip started bleeding.

She looks at me and says "Irony: we plan a night to have sex and you cut your lip on a burrito."

I responded "Iron-y: the taste of my kisses tonight."

👍︎ 4
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📅︎ Dec 18 2014
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My dad could retire on this joke

My mom tried to steal a fry from my dad's plate at dinner.

Dad: Hey! I'm going to eat that!

Mom: Sorry, I didn't know. I don't want it to go to waste.

Dad: You mean you don't want it to go to MY waist!

He snickered proudly as he chomped the fried tater.

👍︎ 6
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📅︎ Jan 13 2014
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