Cement truck driver stole my identity and nobody would believe me

But then I found some concrete evidence

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strawbalicious
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
A cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway...

Police advise citizens to be on the lookout for a group of hardened criminals!

πŸ‘︎ 209
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Life Pro Tip ~ Don't ever put ducks in a cement mixer because…

You'll get quacks in the pavement!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the fish say when he ran into a cement wall?

Dam!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spudfox64
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I got into an argument with a cement mixer the other day.

I tried my hardest, but he had some real concrete evidence.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vexemo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the two-by-four say to the cement?

"I'm board!"

The cement responded, saying "that joke leaves me mortar-fied."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can you never get away with vandalizing wet cement?

The police have concrete evidence against you.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CatsNSkyrim
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s a more concrete term for butt crack?

Asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KhaleesiDog
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I got to pour cement for the first time today.

The results were pretty concrete.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PharmSystem
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Breaking news, plice van crashes into cement mixer

A police van carrying 12 convicts crashed into a cement mixer.

Police are now looking for a dozen hardened criminals.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/capngloval
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my friend what he was doing with all the cement he bought. He didn't give me a concrete answer.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sK197666
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My ex wife has started dating an Italian bricklayer.

She said, "It's cement to be...."

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
This should cement her case and do the husband a solid
πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theEndWasShit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
🚨︎ report
A person was accused of burying someone in cement

but there was no concrete evidence.

πŸ‘︎ 482
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisboishere
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Astronauts mix cement in space for the first time, paving the way for future space colonies. astronomy.com/news/2019/0…
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghhuy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
A Solid Future

I told my son he should be a cement contractor. I told him that field has a solid future.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Divinepyramid
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
How can you tell if something's made of cement?

You just need concrete evidence.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ADHDspartan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
You are stuck in a cement room with only a table and a chainsaw, how do you get out?

You cut the table in half, because two halves make a hole.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rottweiler67
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Our countertops are made of cement, but I always took it for granite.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
i once was in a relationship with a cement worker

but nothing was really concrete

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/patitude2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I did a dumb thing

I wrote my name in wet cement, but I was stupid and I wrote my first and my last name, now they've got my name, they've got my fingerprints its pretty concrete evidence...

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-_-__-__-_-_-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
You're in a locked room, cement room with just stick, how do you get out?

Break the stick in half. Two halves make a whole. Climb out.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2017
🚨︎ report
My son: Dad, what's the hardest thing you've ever done in your life?

Me: I poured some concrete once.

Son: Was that really hard?

Me: It is now.

(This took place at lunch earlier today. Was followed by groans all around.)

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/havesomemorepie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
How does cement support buildings.....

The hard way

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jorgeDVM
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2016
🚨︎ report
Repost from u/gameryadin
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Pretty solid evidence.
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coadnamedalex
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I love materials used with cement to create reinforced concrete.

They're simply aggregreat.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/flameoguy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a gorilla in a cement-mixer?

King Koncrete.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Featric
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about the couple who confused window cement with KY-Jelly?

Their windows fell out.

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
🚨︎ report
Two police officers were investigating a murder scene.

They stumble upon a humanoid cement figure.

Officer 1: "Sir, we've found all the evidence we need to prove that this is the murderer's house."

Officer 2: "Why would anyone believe that this is evidence?"

Officer 1: "It's concrete."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brawl_nOyOu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Some heavy puns
πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a job busting up asphalt roads...

but I found the work degrading.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you put a duck in a cement mixer?

Quacks in the pavement.

πŸ‘︎ 108
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you put a duck in a cement mixer?

Quacks in the pavement.

πŸ‘︎ 148
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you put a duck in a cement mixer?

Quacks in the pavement.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you put a duck in a cement mixer?

Quacks in the pavement.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you put a duck in a cement mixer?

Quacks in the pavement.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy has been accused in our town for murdering people by hitting them with a cement bag.

However the police still don't have any concrete evidence against him.

πŸ‘︎ 99
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A cement mixer crashed into a police van carrying 12 criminals

The police are now looked for a dozen hardened criminals

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PeevesPoltergist
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A Solid Future

I told my son he should be a cement contractor. I told him that field has a solid future.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Divinepyramid
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Last week some guy was accused of burying someone in cement.

But there was no concrete evidence.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the fish say when he hit a cement wall?

Dam

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bobbyburgsboys
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I asked a man what roads are really made of. He said, "Cement."

I don't think he gave me a concrete answer there.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Whiplashagainza
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did they arrest the guy who buried people in cement?

They had concrete evidence against him.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/edgy_white_male
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
🚨︎ report
A cement mixer collided with a prison bus today

Police have told locals to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals

πŸ‘︎ 186
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/J96x_Rob_LFC
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2017
🚨︎ report
You’re locked in a cement room and just have a stick. How do you get out?

Break the stick in half...

...two halves make a hole.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
🚨︎ report
What is soft and furry, says Meow, and is filled with cement?

The answer is a kitty cat. I just put the cement in to make it hard.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IranRPCV
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2018
🚨︎ report

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