I asked Carrie if she understands what the consequences would be if every "st" was replaced wit a "w"

Carrie underwood

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Carrie Fisher died for Alderaan reasons...
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2016
🚨︎ report
George Michael runs into Carrie Fisher in the Afterlife...

Wham!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlueChainsawMan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2016
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb.

He just can't part with it.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeltaOne211
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.

It’s my jingle bell rock.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked Snoop Dogg why he carries an umbrella.

"Fo drizzle."

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments?

An orca-stra.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My roomba went out my front door and a pack of bears attacked it, an eagle carried it away to the ocean, and a shark finished it off.

Nature abhors a vacuum.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dingogordy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What do whales carry for protection?

Swordfish.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moonpies4everyone
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.

Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.

πŸ‘︎ 240
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I inherited my dad's collection of shallow flat receptacles with a raised edge, used for carrying, holding, or displaying articles.

I feel betrayed.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Grocery stores are now carrying gluten-free beef.

It's made from cattle that have Silly Yaks' disease.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...

And he said, β€œBecause your mother is always right.”

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Uncle_Bug_Music
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?

Fo'drizzle

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Im gonna tell my kids that the Titanic was carrying a lot of mayonnaise

And that it sunk on the 5th of May which is why we commemorate the Sinko de Mayo

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cannedsand3
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Which Spice Girl can carry the most petrol?

Geri can

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pdew72
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Why Santa tell Mrs. Claus to carry an umbrella?

"Looks like rain dear"

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet.

Just to remind me why there's no money in there.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My German friend Hans got so drunk on American light beer we had to carry him to the truck to go home...

We had to hold Hans.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
To avoid bear attacks, carry little bells and pepper spray.

It’s also helpful to know the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung has plants and fruit material in it. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper spray.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Dear people, don't carry your emotional baggage with you

I present you, the grief-case

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Schrodingers_liar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
The police asked me why i was carrying so many pillows

I told them i was resisting a rest.

Credit to u/tooshiftyforyou

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheese_Boi20
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
*while my dad and I drive past a cemetery*

Dad: "Did you know that the people who live in this town aren't allowed to be buried in that cemetery?"

Me: "Oh, why?"

Dad: "Cuz they're still alive."

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yupitsnoone
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Officer: Sir, why are you carrying pillows?

Because I’m resisting a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redrocketinn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A truck carrying French cheese was in a terrible accident.

There was de brie everywhere!

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ssee1848
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I got (Maggie) Reilly carried away.
πŸ‘︎ 918
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Funny how in the past everyone owned horses and only the rich owned cars, and now everyone has cars and only the rich have horses...

My how the stables have turned.

Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zthazel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A ship carrying purple paint ran into a ship carrying brown paint.

The survivors were marooned.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBelpit68
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know the Hindenburg was carrying a shipment of perfume?

It was carrying several cases of Eau de Humanity.

πŸ‘︎ 156
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Klopford
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens when the vehicle carrying most of the Egyptian gods breaks down?

They have to pull over and wait for Anubis.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Foxadelick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I wasn't able to carry my case.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HariyaManawari
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What are the easiest mushrooms to carry?

Portobello mushrooms

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buttengine
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A police officer stops a guy carrying a backpack on suspicion of terrorism.

The police officer asks him to let him check his backpack.

The guy obliges.

In his backpack, the officer finds some textbooks, a calculator, a compass and a ruler.

"Aha!", shouts the policeman, "as I suspected. You are under arrest!"

"But why?" the guy protests.

"You have been caught carrying weapons of math instruction!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I started carrying a gun with me after an attempted robbery a few years ago.

Now my robberies have gotten a lot more successful.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/asguardia
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?

Because they don't have pockets.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/D3V1L420
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A ship carrying a a cargo of yoyo's has sunk.

27 times.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
At my book club, I wondered why they were throwing Stephen King novels around.

Then IT hit me!

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I was helping my wife carry the grocery bags inside the house. All of the sudden she gets mad at me and says to carry more stuff.

I mean I would carry more but my hands were tide.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vapingpigeon94
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Drunk driver overturned his van on road carrying snooker equipment.

Police says he is under a-rest and there is cues a mile long.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb with him.

He just can't part with it.

πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mum only carries one photo......

...... because if you’ve seen Juan you’ve seen Amal

πŸ‘︎ 335
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GrazingGiraffe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.

He just can’t part with it.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.

Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle β˜”οΈ

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RootbeerDreams
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I lost all my hair years ago, but I still carry a comb.

I cant part with it.

πŸ‘︎ 215
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo drizzle

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrCheesecake69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I always carry a pebble with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October.

I call it my jingle bell rock!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jxwtf585
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.

An orca-stra.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet.

I do it to remind myself why there is no money in there.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ksbalaji
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I wondered why my daughter was throwing all my Stephen King books around the room. And then…

…IT hit me.

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.