"You said you wanted "Frozen" stuff!"
A "meowtain".
I got this joke from an interview with Melissa McCarthy who said that was one of her favorite jokes and now it's one of mine too!
Last night I was at a bar with a couple buddies and a girl I've been seeing (we'll call her Melissa). We're playing 2v2 pool and I'm on Melissa's team when my other buddy shoots and misses. Being fairly new to pool, Melissa perks up and says "Is it my turn?"
To which I said "That would be your cue" as I handed her her pool stick.
How do you kill a blue elephant?
- With a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a white elephant?
- Choke him till he turns blue, then use a blue elephant gun.
Did you know elephants paint their toenails to hide in bags of skittles? No? Have you ever seen an elephant in a bag of skittles? NO? WELL I GUESS IT WORKS!
All the guys in highschool band would call me a girl whenever my stomach would hurt after playing an instrument too long.
- Why'd it hurt your stomach? Minstrel Cramps.
I brought a girl over once and her name is Jessica. My father has a pretty severe case of tinnitus where he hears about 5-6 different tones at any given time. She announced her name and he thought it was Melissa for a few minutes. Eventually she corrected him.
He stared at her blankly for a moment and then asked, "Why'd you change your name Melissa? I think Melissa is a much nicer name."
Goddamnitdadwhyyoudothistome.
These are only a few. I practice very hard every day with my friends to become as punny and corny as a father should be with jokes. Someday I'll make him proud.
