My friends and I tried to bypass the quarantine laws by dressing up as crows and hanging out together on top of a telephone wire

Unfortunately, someone called the police on us and we got arrested for attempted murder.

👍︎ 76
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👤︎ u/hpbojoe
📅︎ May 12 2020
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My Dad just woke up from a quadruple heart bypass

My Dad just had a Cardiac Arterial Bypass Graft (Cabg for short). When we were allowed to see him on the ward his first words were 'do you know where we are?'

Worried he was still confused from the drugs we told him 'ITU Dad, you've just had surgery?'

'No,' he said, 'we're on a dual cabbage way.'

Thanks Dad.

👍︎ 4
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👤︎ u/morovai
📅︎ Jan 26 2015
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Ordis from Warframe is just pure love

Everything in Ordis, Operator? Is that a pun?! Hmm.... I will attempt to bypass this fault.

👍︎ 3
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👤︎ u/Spontifex
📅︎ Jul 11 2020
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Dad jokes

My dad is getting a pigheart bypass and I desperately need some puns. From kid friendly to severely insensitive please

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👤︎ u/noobninja1
📅︎ Oct 30 2018
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Roadside Attraction

I laughed my ass off at this roadside protester. He camped out all night hoping to prevent the completion of certain roadways. Well, yesterday, the dumbass died of a heart attack. His doctor warned him weeks ago, but the stupid guy didn't want a bypass.

👍︎ 7
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👤︎ u/sprtoad80
📅︎ Sep 14 2017
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