The doorman turns them back, saying βIβm sorry. We canβt let you in without a Thai.β
Wily Wanka!
....If you give them 2.54 centimeters, they'll take 1.60934 kilometers.
They both got lots of pounds.
Liars geddit?
Yesterday, two mice attacked a Brit at a pub. While one took the key to his car and ran, the other smashed his knee and ran. He was down on the ground crying and shouting 'Me key, me knee!'
Edit: changed public to pub. Fucking autocorrect :P
My dad was listening to a couple of Scottish MP's debating on the radio. He turns to us and goes "Alex Salmond and Nicola Sturgeon. I always thought there was something fishy about those two."
British Gas
They didn't want to become Remainia.
My gran fell asleep whilst eating piri piri chicken...
...she had a cheeky nan dose!
It's all-right.
...with the caveat that they have to use the words "liver" and "cheese" in their pickup line.
The Russian walks up to her and proudly recites: "My liver aches for you like it does for vodka, and my heart is incomplete like gruyere cheese". Crickets. The girl is a bit confused but is impressed with the guy's large biceps and full beard.
The Brit walks over to her and stammers: "I will tease your fancy with a sliver of cheese and liver". Nonsensical, but his accent did the trick. The girl blushes slightly.
The Mexican guy sees his opportunity and loudly yells: "Liver alone! Cheese mine!"
