I'm on vacation with my girlfriend, and I've been crafting a lot more puns than usual. I wish I'd known about this subreddit sooner because I immediately forget them.
The latest was that we were on the Jubilee line on the London tube, and I asked her what Harry Potter's stop would be.
"Jubilee and Magic."
But I sung it to the tune of "do you believe in magic." She hates me.
Poor bastard.
They ended up with Carpool Chunnel Syndrome.
Investigators are out of Leeds.
...That's capital punishment!
- "Shut up and swim."
....working around the clock?
Because they're paid by the Yard!
He replied, “That’s an Ox, fam”
Kings Crustacean and Charing Crustacean
With an oyster card!
"Two martinis, please."
"Dry?"
"NEIN, ZWEI!"
Big Ben Dover.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
The other shop owner called his buddy to have someone trash their store. They sent Hugh, big guy like 6'3'' 300pounds. Hugh goes in and busts the store up and scares the Friars off, sending them back to the monastery.
The moral of the story is, Hugh and only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars.
I know another girl from New York named Americany
Its going all around London
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It was a 'once in Bloom moon' experience.
Ones a crusty bus station and the others a busty crustacean
Europe
, and one of them said to the waiter:
- Two martini please.
The waiter:
- Dry?
- Nein! Zwei!
Whilst gathering food, they find a magical golden lamp. The Englishman says “rub the lamp!” They do, and a genie appears. “I only have three wishes to offer,” he says, “so I’ll give you one wish each.
The Englishman says, “I’d like to be living in a penthouse in London with £1,000,000 in my bank account.” His wish is granted.
The Scotsman says “I’d love to live in a renovated Scottish castle with £2,000,000 in my bank account.” His wish is granted.
The genie then turns to the Irishman: “And what do you wish for?” The Irishman says to the genie, “It’s getting a bit lonely here, can I have the other two back?”
Londoff
They would have called him Kilometers Morales.
Paramedics are on the scene and they say he's coming round slowly.
And the pelican keepers warn that they could be facing some enormous bills.
It was found in ancient grease.
This year, I will try to beat that but, I usually get bored and end up turning over to watch something else...
He was banned on the run.
That's Horatio of about 3:1
My Dad: Wow that's weird
Me: What's that
My Dad: Well there's just a lot of people here advertising for GoDaddy.
Me:.... 😪
People ask how I did it I said it was only a lighthouse
Last week he caught a huge sea creature in the river there and made it into sausage.
It was the beast of Thames. It was the wurst of Thames.
It only costs 1p to get into the local aquarium, as long as you're camping, or dressed as a dolphin.
So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free!
poor guy...
Poor bastard.
King’s Crustacean 🚂
Poor bastard.
