What do Londoners get for christmas?
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︎ Jan 26 2021
A London pun.
I'm on vacation with my girlfriend, and I've been crafting a lot more puns than usual. I wish I'd known about this subreddit sooner because I immediately forget them.
The latest was that we were on the Jubilee line on the London tube, and I asked her what Harry Potter's stop would be.
"Jubilee and Magic."
But I sung it to the tune of "do you believe in magic." She hates me.
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︎ Mar 31 2018
I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
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︎ Dec 18 2020
I always wondered how Wonder woman travelled from Themyscira to London in 1 day...
I then realized she's an amazon, so she gets next day shipping
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︎ Mar 29 2021
Thousands of people are waiting outside of Nadame Tussauds in London
They are waiting to get waxinated...
Edit: misspelled Madame, but can't change the title
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︎ Apr 04 2021
Did you hear about the guys who commuted between London and Paris every day?
They ended up with Carpool Chunnel Syndrome.
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︎ Jan 04 2021
All London policemen have disappeared!
Investigators are out of Leeds.
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︎ Nov 25 2020
It should be illegal for London to go into lockdown over Christmas!
...That's capital punishment!
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︎ Dec 14 2020
Is it safe to say the people employed near Big Ben in London are....
....working around the clock?
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︎ Nov 15 2020
Dad, are you sure this is the way to London?
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︎ Dec 01 2020
Why are policemen in London so tall?
Because they're paid by the Yard!
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︎ Sep 17 2020
Two Germans are a bar in London
"Two martinis, please."
"Dry?"
"NEIN, ZWEI!"
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︎ Jul 21 2020
Walking through East London, I asked my friend: βWhy is there a bull in that charity shop?β
He replied, βThatβs an Ox, famβ
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︎ Sep 27 2020
How do shellfish get around London?
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︎ Oct 06 2020
What did they call the London clock tower after it started leaning off to the side?
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︎ Aug 30 2020
Name 2 crustaceans that are only found in London?
Kings Crustacean and Charing Crustacean
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︎ Oct 10 2020
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
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︎ Sep 11 2020
Which county in England has just two letters in its name?
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︎ Mar 31 2021
Around the turn of 1900, two Friars move to London to start up a florist shop. Well this didn't sit well with the established florist shop down on the corner.
The other shop owner called his buddy to have someone trash their store. They sent Hugh, big guy like 6'3'' 300pounds. Hugh goes in and busts the store up and scares the Friars off, sending them back to the monastery.
The moral of the story is, Hugh and only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars.
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︎ Jul 05 2020
My granddad has the heart of a lion
and a lifetime ban from London zoo.
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︎ Jan 28 2021
There's a riot about cake toppings in London tomorrow
Police expect hundreds and thousands to show up
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︎ Jun 20 2020
So I travel around my country at the weekend taking photo graphs last week I was in London it was amazing I could almost say it was a...
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︎ Feb 29 2020
London
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︎ Dec 14 2019
I know a girl from London named Brittany
I know another girl from New York named Americany
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︎ Apr 24 2020
Seen at Museum of Natural History in London
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︎ Jan 24 2019
Seen on London train
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︎ Aug 10 2019
I was reading through London history and thought it was interesting to learn what happened to King Charles the Firstβs head.
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︎ Aug 15 2019
Do you reckon London Wasps have a bee team?
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︎ Oct 22 2019
Mac and cheese stall in London with a punny name
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︎ Dec 23 2018
Has anyone heard the latest breaking news about the M25?
Its going all around London
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︎ Nov 02 2020
Just saw the star of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend preform in London for the first and (maybe) only time.
It was a 'once in Bloom moon' experience.
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︎ Jun 04 2019
What's the difference between a old London bus terminal and a lobster with 36DD breasts?
Ones a crusty bus station and the others a busty crustacean
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︎ Jun 08 2019
You know what New York City said to London when it was his turn?
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︎ Jun 10 2019
What if Spiderman was from London instead of NY?
They would have called him Kilometers Morales.
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︎ Nov 30 2018
when two german agent walks into the pub in London during WW2
, and one of them said to the waiter:
- Two martini please.
The waiter:
- Dry?
- Nein! Zwei!
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︎ Aug 07 2019
What happens if thereβs a power outage in London?
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︎ Aug 04 2019
There's a bloke just collapsed on the London Eye.
Paramedics are on the scene and they say he's coming round slowly.
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︎ Jun 11 2019
London Zoo is beginning it's annual stocktake...
And the pelican keepers warn that they could be facing some enormous bills.
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︎ Jan 04 2019
In which European city was oldest donut discovered: Paris, London, Berlin, Athens or Rome?
It was found in ancient grease.
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︎ May 15 2019
Lord Nelson was about 5ft 6. His statue in London is 18ft 1.
That's Horatio of about 3:1
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︎ Aug 22 2018
Wish me luck in the London Marathon today. I managed a respectable, 3 hours, 12 minutes, last year...
This year, I will try to beat that but, I usually get bored and end up turning over to watch something else...
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︎ Apr 28 2019
Paul McCartney was disqualified from the London Marathon this weekend
He was banned on the run.
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︎ Apr 30 2019
Yesterday i carries a house from london to machester
People ask how I did it I said it was only a lighthouse
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︎ Apr 08 2019
Walking Around the London Marathon Yesterday
My Dad: Wow that's weird
Me: What's that
My Dad: Well there's just a lot of people here advertising for GoDaddy.
Me:.... πͺ
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︎ Apr 29 2019
I just read that somewhere in London someone gets stabbed every 53 seconds
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︎ Sep 13 2020
Apparently someone gets stabbed every 48 seconds in South London.
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︎ Sep 10 2020
Whatβs the biggest crustacean in London?
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︎ Jul 09 2020
Every 52 seconds a man in London is stabbed.
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︎ Mar 07 2020
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