My wife just texted this β€œmom” joke to me: What’s it called when your college basketball bracket is ruined?

March Sadness.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scherezad
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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How did the farmer find his wife?

He tractor down!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/freeze873
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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I eat when I'm stressed and I'm stressed when doing taxes...

I wind up come April in a higher slacks bracket!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
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I told my first dad joke today.

I didn't even mean to make a dad joke, apparently after seven years of being a dad, it just starts to happen.

I was installing some shelves up on the walls over my computer desk. Having just finished marking the walls where I was going to insert the screws, I was now installing the brackets onto the boards.

From behind me, I heard my wife say, "How's it going?"

Me: "Well, it's shellfish."

Wife: "It's what?"

Me: "Shellfish. I'm still putting the mounting brackets on, so it's not a shelf yet. It's shelf-ish. Shellfish."

At least my daughter thought it was funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/odins_left_eye
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2014
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What did March yell to Madness?

"What's all this bracket??

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryden22
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
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[x-post /r/Jokes] [OC] An old blacksmith was working in his shop...

when there was a terrible accident. The fire in his forge had gone out of control and set fire to the shop. The blacksmith nearly lost his life. He was bedridden for many months and relied on the help of his children and grandchildren to feed him, bathe him, and take care of all of his needs. Eventually he was able to get back on his feet, though his outlook on life had turned quite grim. He was now able to take care of himself, but he had lost much of his strength and dexterity from the injuries he sustained and he was unable to practice his trade. He fell into a deep depression and he spent most of his days sitting at home in front of the fireplace gazing into the flames, longing for the days when his strong hands could grasp a hammer and strike a hot piece of iron, slowly forging it into a beautiful piece of work.

One evening when the old man was sitting in front of the fire, he heard a knock at the door. It was his granddaughter, whom he hadn't seen in many months. She had overheard her father talking to her mother about how her grandfather was slowly slipping away into depression and hopelessness and she wanted to help. To the old man's surprise, she had brought him a puppy. "I thought that since you're always here all by yourself that you might want someone you keep you company," the granddaughter said. The old man's eyes welled up with tears and the little puppy instantly jumped into his arms and began licking the tears from his face. The old man and his granddaughter spent the next several hours sitting on the floor of his house watching the puppy chase around a rubber ball, bouncing, jumping, panting, and licking. In that short time, the old man had made complete turnaround from being sad, lonely, and hopeless, to smiling from ear to ear, full of joy with his new-found companion. As the hours grew late and the puppy grew tired, the granddaughter said "Well Opa, I'm glad you like your puppy, but it's late and I should be heading home. By the way, what are you going to call him?" "Life," said the old man, "because he has given me a new meaning and joy to mine." The granddaughter kissed her grandfather on the cheek, wished him goodnight, and she left.

Many years passed and all the while, the old man and his little dog were inseparable. Everywhere the old man went, Life was always with him whether it was the post office, the grocery store, and even when the old man went to the barber shop, the little dog would sit patiently until the last hair on

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyOtherAccount_3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2016
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Not sure if I got my friend

Friend, while looking at a textbook: This is Smalltalk, the language Objective-C was based on. I kinda see why, with all the weird brackets.

Me: Would you say you...Objective-ly C why?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/for_drizzle
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2015
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