"Who's thinking outside the box now Gary?"
Cause they believe in an open door approach
Who is thinking outside the box now?
Credits to Twitter @Dadsaysjokes
They let bi-Dons be bi-Dons.
She said “It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.”
“Alright,” I said, “I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow.”
The boss should just turn the other cheek.
For reference: Link to wiki
Some of these are done in a kind of "news headline"-style:
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Choir leader fired after using too much sexual innuendo; "Lewd Ex Cantor."
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Video on demand about a street where nothing happens; "Vod of the Boring Alley."
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Man's brutal cousin turns out to be a great bloke; "Raw-Ted, Great Dude".
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Panic spreads as toilet facilities take over the world; "Cry! Stall-Age."
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A man orders a book of basic letters to look after his daughters belongings while he looks after the others; "ABC, Watch Her's!".
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Sams brother cheats a dude; "Dean Cons the Peep."
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A ride in the amusement park offers a wide range of emotions; "High! Low! Woo! Nah."
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A weird and hard to describe new dessert; "Cold Lemon Thing."
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A new star in stand up rises! Come see "Puntiff Sulyvahn."
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Pirates start eating fava beans and a new drink is required; "Yo! Ho! The Chianti!."
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A Long lived man has an unusual apetite for fish; "Old-Rick, Devourer of Cods".
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In Bacteria-Town, a devastating disease strikes one inhabitant working at a hotel; "Cancer of the Borrelia Valet".
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Roman god Cubid is ordered to take a woman to cave and kill her; "Drag and Slay Her Amor"
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Osiris's statue has been in way too many marriages and people have started to call it; "Osiris the Consummated Thing."
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The choir leader from before is transformed into a mushroom; "Champignon Cantor"
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An english man becomes the leader of a Polish airplane company and gets nicknamed; "LOT-Rick"
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An impatient tree person attacks a random mythical hunter; "Antsy Ent! Why Hern?!"
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Horse named Elvis keeps making noise and a man shouts;"Neigh Less King!"
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A child opens a chocolate egg and a white spirit jumps out; "Soul of Kinder"
Sorry about the possible typos.
At my 3 month review at work my bosses were mostly asking me how I liked the job, etc. Then I asked how they were finding me.
Boss 1: Oh you know, pretty easily.
Boss 2: Yeah, you're always at your desk.
We all had a good chuckle.
My manager told me she didn't know if she could handle work today. I said "Oh, you'll manage."
Rude-elf.
When he found out Santa shouldn't have gotten mad, he only had his elf to blame.
Now Santa won't forgive him until elf freezes over.
Bosses are like diapers, always on your ass, and usually full of shit! - great one my dad says.
I have a hunch it might be me.
Boss: You're a zoo keeper, none of them should get away
I said "I don't know... it's hard to keep track"
Shit..l meant to post this somewhere else.
I told him it's because they are stationary
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.
So I went outside and threw it in the sewer
I mean, I only told him I woke up with a little coffee.
She looked up and whispered, "They're right behind you".
Dammit wrong sub!
....wasn’t so funny when I turned the tables though was it.
I said it must be my weekend immune system
so I went home.
It was the end of my Korea
The Yakoozie!
I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
I just wanted a little vaca.
"Sorry boss, Omelette."
The CIEIO
Me: "Word".
“You herd me!"
I said, “Thanks. That means a lot.”
I’m not sure how he expects anyone to run that far!!!
Sheepdog: Yeah I know, but I rounded them up!
Me: It kinda sucks
Boss: Just stick with it
Boss: It's May
Employee: Boss, may I have a week off for Christmas?
(I'll see myself out.)
He handed me a ladder and asked if that was good enough
Spruce Springsteen.
Ay poppy
His answer was simple. There is no Netflix in prison.
It was a real paradigm shift.
Especially when his name is Steve.
My wife is just the decision maker.
everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
I said, “I’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.”
So I went home
I said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”
Who's thinking out of box now Kevin?
Me: It must be my weakened immune system.
I said it must be my weekend immune system
I have a hunch, it might be me.
