I said “are you gonna give them the No-Bell prize?”
I HAVE WON THE DAY
- I hope you understand the amount of trouble you’re in?
- I do Jeff, and please don’t call me urine.
Cause they believe in an open door approach
She said “It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.”
“Alright,” I said, “I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow.”
They let bi-Dons be bi-Dons.
The boss should just turn the other cheek.
For reference: Link to wiki
Some of these are done in a kind of "news headline"-style:
-
Choir leader fired after using too much sexual innuendo; "Lewd Ex Cantor."
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Video on demand about a street where nothing happens; "Vod of the Boring Alley."
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Man's brutal cousin turns out to be a great bloke; "Raw-Ted, Great Dude".
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Panic spreads as toilet facilities take over the world; "Cry! Stall-Age."
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A man orders a book of basic letters to look after his daughters belongings while he looks after the others; "ABC, Watch Her's!".
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Sams brother cheats a dude; "Dean Cons the Peep."
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A ride in the amusement park offers a wide range of emotions; "High! Low! Woo! Nah."
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A weird and hard to describe new dessert; "Cold Lemon Thing."
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A new star in stand up rises! Come see "Puntiff Sulyvahn."
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Pirates start eating fava beans and a new drink is required; "Yo! Ho! The Chianti!."
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A Long lived man has an unusual apetite for fish; "Old-Rick, Devourer of Cods".
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In Bacteria-Town, a devastating disease strikes one inhabitant working at a hotel; "Cancer of the Borrelia Valet".
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Roman god Cubid is ordered to take a woman to cave and kill her; "Drag and Slay Her Amor"
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Osiris's statue has been in way too many marriages and people have started to call it; "Osiris the Consummated Thing."
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The choir leader from before is transformed into a mushroom; "Champignon Cantor"
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An english man becomes the leader of a Polish airplane company and gets nicknamed; "LOT-Rick"
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An impatient tree person attacks a random mythical hunter; "Antsy Ent! Why Hern?!"
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Horse named Elvis keeps making noise and a man shouts;"Neigh Less King!"
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A child opens a chocolate egg and a white spirit jumps out; "Soul of Kinder"
Sorry about the possible typos.
At my 3 month review at work my bosses were mostly asking me how I liked the job, etc. Then I asked how they were finding me.
Boss 1: Oh you know, pretty easily.
Boss 2: Yeah, you're always at your desk.
We all had a good chuckle.
My manager told me she didn't know if she could handle work today. I said "Oh, you'll manage."
Rude-elf.
When he found out Santa shouldn't have gotten mad, he only had his elf to blame.
Now Santa won't forgive him until elf freezes over.
Bosses are like diapers, always on your ass, and usually full of shit! - great one my dad says.
They're surprised that it's filled with OSHA violations
I could not live off of that celery.
I think I'm getting the hang of it!
"Why?" I asked.
He said, "You always question authority."
I said, "How?"
He's my arch enemy.
I have a hunch, it might be me.
.. pssh, so I just packed up my things and right.
They said he just couldn't cut it
Me, “Word.”
Nothing to do with intelligence, I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.
Can’t have sheet in Detroit
I said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”
I worked on it a while and then called it a day.
Husband - “You’re fired!”
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine, it's my laptop.
I said "I certainly do. IT'S FRIDAY!"
He was hoping for a raisin pay
...and thats when I had to put my foot down.
...because urine charge
I said ‘…. It’s Wednesday?’
She threw her headset down in frustration. "Ugh. If I could have taken a drink every time they said the word accrual I would have been hammered an hour and a half ago."
Me: "well you know what they say. It's a-cruel world"
...So are any of you hiring?
But there are concerns he won’t be able to build a cabinet
Amplifier.
Gaffer cakes!
Dad: chicken
Boss: It needs a capital
Dad: chicken kiev
I now stand corrected.
I told him “no, I’m out of thyme.”
The CIEIO.
But I forgot the pun line.
The man replies " It's A knicknack, patty whack, give the frog a loan, his old mans a rolling stone (also I meant Mick jagger my autocorrect sucks balls)
She replied, "Because your jokes aren't remotely funny."
The DON don donnn
I was alarmed and asked ‘Did you get let go from the job?’
He shrugged it off and said ‘Not at all. It was a Miner offense’
That's short notice.
..so I've just handed in my too weak notice.
Shit..l meant to post this somewhere else.
But I think our new sub-woofer will be happy in our family.
How could I live off that celery?
I have a hunch it's going to be me
I have a hunch it might be me.
