Why shouldn't you let kids watch big band performances on TV?

Too much sax and violins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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I once knew a band composed of guys all born bottom first. Great music, but for some reason, The Breech Boys never made it big.
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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I'm never going to let my children listen to big band music...

too much violins and sax

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HonziPonzi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2017
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Listening to AC/DC
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReeeTheHammerBoy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
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If the Red Cross did an orchestral fundraising event...

They could call it The Big Band Aid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChesterMonty
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2018
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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My Ensemble Director always hits us with this one.

He's a fast-paced Jazz Big Band director. When a section is lost, he ALWAYS says this line, "Be alert. [dramatic pause] The world needs more lerts."

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2016
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Got my friend today, while discussing Spotify

While talking about music not on Spotify

Him:"They don't have De La Soul, and they're a big band." Me:"Yeah, they don't have Cab Calloway either and he's big band too."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xHamtaro
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2015
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My co-worker dadjokes me every day. Here's a few of his finer ones.

I started working at a jewelry store two weeks ago. I just turned 24, and one of my new co-workers is about 50 years old and repairs jewelry that customers bring. He is a master of dad jokes.

  1. One day, I was windexing our glass displays.

Him: I recently started getting the urge to take my clothes off and run around all over the place. My buddy told me to try drinking Windex. It prevents streaking.

  1. Another time, it was almost closing time and we were getting bored.

Him: A man was walking his Great Dane and saw a pub. He said, "I'll go have me a drink or two," and tied the dog up outside.

A little while later another man comes in the pub and says, "Sir, is that your Great Dane out there? My dog just killed it."

"What kind of dog do you have?!"

"Chihuahua."

"You're telling me a chihuahua killed my dog?"

"Yea, he got stuck about right here." grabbing his throat

  1. Lastly, we were bored yet again at the end of another day, and he came up to me and another worker and says, "Did one of you lose a big wad of twenty dollar bills wrapped in a rubber band?"

We looked at one another confused. "... No."

"Oh, because I had some good news... I found the rubber band." holding up a runner band

I like my new job.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/amdawson
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2014
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