I'll just have to weigh the prose and the cons.
He was Diss-Bard.
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Because he was bard
2B or not 2B
A bard spiral.
He bard his windows.
It was a play on words.
I'm currently building a war forged bard. He has a chest that acts as a record player and his left arm is the horn. I'm need of name pun brilliance!!
Bard: I take out my lute and start playing
Druid: I take out my flute and join in
Dm: rolls. Everybody loves it. (Paraphrased. Took much longer)
Me: Hey. Where did you keep the flute? Would you say maybe in the brim of your shoe? Like how some keep a knife in their boot? Please, just go with it
So the lute and the flute from the boot was a hoot
"I can't," the lawyer said. "I'd be dis Bard."
I started playing the lute at the pub for extra cash. Thought they would call me a musician but I got bard. Can't go there anymore. My buddy thinks it's because the barkeep wasn't in her minstrel cycle
In a conversation about a pub called the Shakespear, my Mum had been with her friend and apparently it's quite nice. My Dad interjects with "I wonder how many people get bard from the Shakespear."
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
- Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
- It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
- What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
- Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
- Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
- Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
- If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
- Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
- Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
- American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
- The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
- Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
- Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
- Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
- Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
- Rittal me this, Batman!
- Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
- Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
- If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
- When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
- You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
- Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
- Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
- Don't think Seton is
Context: My friends and I were playing an RPG (along the lines of DnD) over skype. I was describing a past event in my perpetually ridiculously drunken bard's life.
Friend 1: So wait, were you drunk at this moment?
Friend 2: Do you need to ask?
Me: Well, I only had a few pints of whiskey that evening. In terms of drinking, those were my light years.
Friend 1: Would you say that those were your...
...buzzed light years?
So many levels of pun, I couldn't believe it.
My sister went to a LARP over the weekend as a bard and brought her ukulele. My dad had this to say when she got back
"You know, you better be careful running around the woods with your ukulele. You could get minstrel cramps."
