Going to work aggravates my anal glaucoma.

I just can't see my ass there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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What do you call it when you slap a rock without consent?

Aggravated Basalt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MercuREEEEEEE
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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Apparently there was an almond charged with aggravated assault.

I get the police do a lot of good, but I don’t know how I feel about them busting a nut in public.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adc2502
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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What do you call an aggravating Tibetan monk that just got off a fast?

Budapest, Hungary.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BadJokeBill
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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What do you call an aggravated acid?

Amino Acid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BotKony
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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Don’t ever make Sodium angry.

Otherwise you’ll be charged with aggravating a salt.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dusk118
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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Don't do it

What happened when Pepper made Salt angry?

  • Pepper was charged with aggravated assault. XD
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeet4memes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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What's the difference between Keanu Reeves and athsma?

Nothing, they are both breathtaking

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeBoss2211
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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Dad, how much money do you make?

A man came home from work late again, tired and irritated, to find his 5 year old son waiting for him at the door.

β€œDaddy, may I ask you a question ?”

β€œYeah, sure, what is it ?” replied the man.

β€œDaddy, how much money do you make an hour?”

β€œThat’s none of your business! What makes you ask such a thing?” the man said angrily.

β€œI just want to know.Β  Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?” pleaded the little boy.

β€œIf you must know, I make $20.00 an hour.”

β€œOh,” the little boy replied, head bowed.

Looking up, he said, β€œDaddy, may I borrow $9.00 please?”

The father was furious. β€œIf the only reason you wanted to know how much money I make is just so you can borrow some to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed.Β Β  Think about why you’re being so selfish.Β  I work long, hard hours every day and don’t have time for such childish games.”

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even madder about the little boy’s questioning.Β  How dare he ask such questions only to get some money.

After an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think he may have been a little hard on his son.Β  May be there was something he really needed to buy with that $9.00 and he really didn’t ask for money very often.

The man went to the door of the little boy’s room and opened the door.Β  β€œAre you asleep son?” he asked.

β€œNo daddy, I’m awake,” replied the boy.

β€œI’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier,” said the man.Β  β€œIt’s been long day and I took my aggravation out on you. Here’s that $9.00 you asked for.”

The little boy sat straight up, beaming.

β€œOh, thank you daddy!” he yelled.

Then, reaching under his pillow, he pulled out some more crumpled up bills.Β  The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at the man.

β€œWhy did you want more money if you already had some?” the father grumbled.

β€œBecause I didn’t have enough, but now I do,” the little boy replied.

β€œDaddy, I have $20.00 now.Β  Can I buy an hour of your time?”

The father looked upon his son with a smile as he walked towards the door and said "Overtime is double pay."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cleverley1986
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2017
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Why did the black pepper get arrested?

Aggravated a salt

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gnarwalbacon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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Pretty proud of my son ; wife isn't so much

This last weekend we went to an amusement park. Everything we went through the little things that spray water on you, my 9 year old would say, "Mist me." Every single time. My wife and daughter's reaction became more and more aggravated, but I felt pretty good about it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sineofthetimes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2016
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I'm actually ashamed that I didn't intend for this to happen

Friend A, while pulling up his pants in aggravation, said, "I need to get a belt."

I responded, "I have an extra belt if you need it. I've actually been meaning to throw it away."

Without hesitation, Friend B chimed in with, "...but he didn't want it to go to waste."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spight
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2015
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A father comes home from work to find his son playing on the computer....

Dads asks β€œwhat are you playing son?” Son seems aggravated by being interrupted and answers, β€œMinecraft. β€œ

Dad replies β€œso one could say you’re practicing for a career in the mining business.”

Kid says, β€œwhy don’t you mine your own business and leave me alone!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sand_searcher
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
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I think this was an unintentional dad joke

So me and the girlfriend had date night tonight and at one point prior to the movie she talked about how everything is changing and I should know she is afraid of change. Shortly after the movie as we pull out of the theatre I reach into the handle of the car door and grab a couple coins and toss them at her while she's posting how great the movie was. She gets startled and does a Eep I immediately just go hmm... I guess you are afraid of change and she just sighs in aggravation

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2016
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A snail turned up at my birthday party

He started to become a nuisance and was aggravating my other guests so I decided to pick him up and throw him out.

He then showed up at my next birthday party and said "what did you do that for?!".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cleatus029
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2017
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dadjoked the GF in a grocery store...

My GF has trouble with lactose. We are finding more and more items that are marketed to be healthy to contain whey protein, which aggravates her stomach. It's in products you wouldn't expect it to be in either, like chips.

Anyways, after picking up and putting back a couple of things in a row and being frustrated, she said, "I can't believe all this stuff has whey in it!" to which I of course said...

"No WHEY?!"

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSRTgreg
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2014
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My wife and I had no sleep.

I was whining about the lack of sleep. She was getting aggravated at me for it and I told her "we could whine together." and followed that up with "We could even get something to eat. We could whine and dine."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cenofwar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2016
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I love the long joke and I found one here I had to steal. My sister did not enjoy. [Long]

I know I don't come here to read a wall of text but since I got this stole this joke from a post here I thought I would share.

My daughter is too young to appreciate this one, you can tell my sister was slightly aggravated.

http://imgur.com/JmnlGxC

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oohhh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2016
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Did you hear why the annoying pepper shaker was put in prison?

Because he aggravated a salt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Forgetful
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2016
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A Dad-tastic April Fools joke

This morning my friend and I were exchanging conversation about what our dad's usually do to prank us on April 1st. My dad always calls and says he was in a horrible car accident and broke a limb. It's never funny, but he laughs and laughs so I go with it. My friends Dad however is a classic Dad-joke type of Dad. This year, my friend tells me: >Friend: My dad said Mr. Lion called for me

>Me: Mr. Lion eh?

>Friend: Yea he gave me a number to call, but I haven't called it yet.

>Me: I'll call!

I get the number from him, and the automated message service for the San Diego Zoo clicks on. It's pun-tastic, a fun, and non aggravating April Fools joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaszune
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2015
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Washing dishes with my dad

I was washing dishes with my dad, and had cleaned ~4 plates caked with egg residue on them. "How long have these been dirty?" I asked. A few minutes later I was washin a baking pan and it was impossible to get the leftover food off of it. Aggravated, I exclaimed "What did you make on here, eggs too?!"

My dad said "No, those are still from eggs one."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Waayzii
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2013
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Why was the pepper shaker arrested?

He was arrested for aggravated a salt.

(Source : Dad)

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lknox1123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2017
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