Spent all night thinking about the prose and cons.
apparently it is not "appropriate" to talk to residents about the benefits of youth in asia.
I don't know either but I think their flag is a big plus.
Thank you for your cervix!
You get a womb with a view.
I take that as a compliment.
Whenever he caught me swearing, he used to wash my mouth out with soup.
Turns out it was just saturday night fever
(Taking advantage of a very narrow humour window!)
The OP part. 🤪
Came up with that myself tonight!
Tenfold
Love meant nothing to her.
Wight privilege.
Well on the one hand it can have a huge psychological impact
He looked at my with a smile in his face and say... "But what if it's sunny?"
I'm not sure... From an outside perspective though, the flag looks like a big plus.
I said, “Thanks. That is really nice of you.”
http://imgur.com/a/7KGvb
Thanks dad.
This is the exact interaction that took place:
Dad: I have a joke for you
Me: Aight.
Dad: When someone expresses an annoying opinion ask them...
Me: Go on. Im enthralled.
Dad: Deer eat grass, cows eat grass
Dad: Horses eat grass
Dad: Ask: why is deer poop like raisins but cow poop look like paddies and horse look like apple plop
Dad: He or she will say I do not know
Dad: R u ready for punchline?
Me: I was born ready.
Dad: Ok then...
Dad: U say, why do I care what u say when you don't know shit!
Me: I see you learned to text message.
Its cheaper, and better for the environment, so its Eco-no-mic
Child : Dad, what's the biggest advantage of living in Switzerland.
Dad: The flag is a big plus.
The steaks were high so she stole them.
She said it was a mis-steak but they were in her bag!
It was a steak to the employee's heart when the lady said, "My kids have nothing to eat....."
When the employee caught the thief, her manager said, "Well done!" to which the employee replied, "No, they're still raw."
A lady tried stealing steaks from a dollar tree where I live. I guess she had a lot of missed steaks.
Me: "Text me when you're her" (I meant to say here) Dad: "The sex change operation was complete! I'm her!"
My brother came over after a few weeks of being away and my cats were going crazy, attacking each other and just being really excited. I say to my brother "Man the cats have been really going crazy since you got here." To which my dad said "Yeah you must be a CATalyst or something." My brother and I applauded.
CUSStard
Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
“Every time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, ‘The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
“I’ll call you later!”- “Please don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”
Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!
What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
“My dad literally told me this one last week: ‘Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”
“Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!’”
I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.
If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: “Wow, that’s coincidental.”
I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.
“Me: ‘Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: ‘Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”
“I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there
A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
“How can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”
Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it
“What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”
The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.
I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: “Don’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: “No, it’s a math problem.”
I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.
I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
... keep reading on reddit ➡One of the classic Abbott and Costello routines, where Bud Abbott takes advantage of a common math mistake that we all make to fleece his pal, Lou Costello, out of all of his money. The skit ends with a simple ‘read my mind’ routine that takes Lou’s last remaining bill. This routine was done many times, both in the movies and their radio show.
Bud Abbott: Do me a favor, loan me $50.
Lou Costello: Bud, I can’t. I can’t loan you $50.
Bud Abbott: Oh, yes, ya can.
Lou Costello: No, I can’t. All I got is $40.
Bud Abbott: All right, give me the $40 and you’ll owe me 10
Lou Costello: Ok, I’ll owe you 10.
Bud Abbott: That’s right.
Lou Costello: How come I owe you 10?
Bud Abbott: How much did I ask for?
Lou Costello: 50
Bud Abbott: How much did you give me?
Lou Costello: 40.
Bud Abbott: So you owe me $10.
Lou Costello: That’s right. [Pause] But you owe me 40.
Bud Abbott: Don’t change the subject.
Lou Costello: I’m not changing the subject; you’re trying to change my finances. Come on, Abbott give me my $40.
Bud Abbott: All right, there’s your $40, now give me the 10 you owe me.
Lou Costello: I’m paying you on account.
Bud Abbott: On account?
Lou Costello: On account I don’t know how I owe it to ya.
Bud Abbott: That’s the way you feel about it, that’s the last time I ask you for a loan of $50.
Lou Costello: But how can I loan ya $50, now. All I got is 30.
Bud Abbott: Well, give me the 30 and you’ll owe me 20.
Lou Costello: Ok. This is getting worse all the time. (Look at audience) First I owe him 10, now I owe him 20.
Bud Abbott: Well, why do you run yourself into debt?
Lou Costello: I’m not running in, you’re pushing me!1
Bud Abbott: I can’t help it if you can’t handle your finances. I do all right with my money.
Lou Costello: And you do all right with my money too.
Bud Abbott: Now I asked you for a loan of $50. You gave me 30, so you owe me 20. 20 and 30 is 50.
Lou Costello: No. No. No. 25 and 25 is 50.
Bud Abbott: All right, here’s your $30, now give me the 20 you owe me. Fine guy, won’t loan a pal $50.
Driving blindfolded sure has its advantages
There was this guy on the pitch with a beanie on his head. He scored the first goal, a header.
"Great goal," I said.
"Yes," said my friend. "A great goal."
Another opportunity arose ten minutes later, and the same player jumped up, and scored another header. A terrific one.
"Wow, that was unstoppable," I told my friend.
"Yes, unbelievable. Unstoppable," he replied.
Towards the end of the game, the same player leapt up, scored another incredible header.
I turned to my friend, flabbergasted and said, "I think that thing on his head, it's giving him some sort of advantage. This entire game he hasn't missed a single header."
"What about it?" asked my friend.
I said. "He's got a hat, Rick."
To them, love is nothing.
My dad's chair kept lowering on its own, and he said to my Aunt "Now I know what it's like to be you" Then we started listing advantages of being short. He said you could goto movies for a child ticket. she replies "I used to"
He said "I used to be able to too"
"Really?"
"Yeah, back when I was a kid"
Assuming they exist, anyway. Otherwise* I'm not sure they're taking full advantage of their job.
*well maybe even so
So, last weekend I was on a two days village fair in our neighbourhood with the guys. On saturday, one of them complained about his feet still aching from wearing his new engineer boots the whole friday night AND how he even broke his boot jack at home while taking them off. Took the advantage and said: "Well, you seem to have some trouble with those shoes. Maybe we should send you to a boot camp." Groan
They are probably trying to take advantage of the urned income tax credit
My younger brother was so desperate about having an A+ in his English exam that he said that he'd be going to hell if he didn't do so.
He didn't get an A+, which I fully used to my advantage.
"How did the test go, bro?"
Got an A-...
"I guess you're on the headway to hell now."
He never groaned more in his life.
She's still not speaking to me after this one.
My girlfriend got hit in the head at work today and had been dizzy and nauseous for several hours afterward. We went to the hospital, and they recommended that she use a wheelchair due to her dizziness.
We were waiting in the hospital to find out the scan result and she jokingly threatened to fight me over something I said. I told her it wouldn't be a fair fight, because she would have the advantage. I told her she had an unfair handicap.
When all of a sudden my 3 year old drops her toy mermaid on the table right into a side cup of marinara. I took advantage of the situation.
"I didn't know she was an Italian mermaid"
Groans were had amongst all.
Wife and I took advantage of some deep discounts from a local sushi restaurant's lunch specials. We ordered enough that our waiter asked if we wanted any of it to go. Wife responded confidently, "Nope, we're going to enjoy all of this here, because that is how we roll."
We are all quiet, contemplating the pros and cons of the move and then dad speaks up:
You know one of the advantages of moving to Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.
Cue the instant groans...... Oh dad, we love you
Sitting at dinner with my 8yo son. I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, he said, an NBA player or a soccer player. I said, "what's something you'd be that isn't sports related?" he said "probably a computer machine" I think he meant, computer programmer, engineer..
So to take advantage of the situation and get him to eat, I said "well son, if you want to be a computer machine, you better take some... 'Mega Bytes' of that Chilli!" hilarity ensued as you might have guessed :)
"I see the Navy has the advantage over the Army cause they are playing in a field of water in your town. If the field could change to mud the Army might have a chance to come back. Not much time left though. "
Well, the flag is a big plus.
I don't know, but the Flag's a big Plus
The flag is a big plus
Well, the flag is a big plus.
Well, the flag is a big plus.
Well, the flag is a big plus.
Well, the flag is a big plus.
Well, the flag is a big plus.
Well, the flag is a big plus.
Well, the flag's certainly a big plus.
I take that as a compliment
I take that as a compliment.
For example, the flag is a big plus
Well, the flag is a big plus.
I mean, the flag itself is a big plus.
Well, the flag is a big plus.
Well, the flag is a big plus.
For starters, their flag is a big plus.
Well, the flag is a big plus!
But the flag is a big plus
http://imgur.com/FMBbstS
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
My son was born last week and for the last 8 days I've had 3 or 4 of them every single day without even trying. I can't even recall any of them at the moment, but it's like having a child made me able to take advantage of every pun ever.
