Movie pitch: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity.
Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
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︎ Oct 15 2020
99.9% of people are dumb
Fortunately I belong to 1% of smart people
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︎ Dec 13 2020
While paying for groceries at a local store ,they had reusable shopping bags with the breast cancer awareness ribbon on them with a handwritten sign that said $.99 for a better tomorrow.
I asked the young girl at the register "If I buy this and don't have a better tomorrow can I return it for a refund?"
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︎ Nov 17 2020
Get it now for only $399.99 in selected stores
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︎ Sep 26 2020
I live on top of the mountain and i usually have 99 problems
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︎ Sep 26 2020
I got 99 candles, cuz she canβt buy one. [OC]
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︎ Aug 16 2020
A $9.99. Nintendo Switch! If it's too good to be true, it probably is...
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︎ Aug 12 2020
I want to hear 99 people sing 'Africa' by Toto.
It's something that a hundred men or more could never do...
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︎ Jun 12 2020
Kills 99% of germs, the rest 1% cause bad puns.
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︎ May 18 2020
Kid: Oh man dad, today's test at school was difficult. There was a test with like 99 problems on it -and one of those problems was a real bitch.
Dad: Well we know one thing. Your teacher is not Jay-z!
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︎ Aug 29 2020
New study determines what 99% of kids homeschool hate the most
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︎ Jun 28 2020
Son: Dad if I'm 99 pounds and eat 1 pound of nachos I would be 99% human 1% nachos!
Dad: you're 100% my son you will not !
Son: 99% your son.
Dad:...?
Son: 1% nacho son.
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︎ Mar 03 2020
I took my kid shopping and he asked me why cookies were $1.99 instead of $2.00
I looked at him bewildered and told him because $2.00 doesn't make cents.
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︎ May 06 2020
I got 99 problems...
and unfortunately finding the list of em is one.
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︎ Apr 30 2020
Perfect pain only for 9.99 πππ
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︎ Jan 20 2020
they say a watermelon is 99% water
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︎ Nov 20 2018
I've learned 99% of the English language.
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︎ Oct 09 2019
I passed by a 99 cent store
I said to my son βIβm going to open one of those stores, but itβs going to be called a dollar seven store.β
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︎ Nov 16 2019
I've got 99 seashells but a conch ain't one
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︎ Aug 13 2019
99 cent stores are so much better than dollar stores
1% better, if my math is right...
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︎ Sep 07 2019
I've got 99 problems.
My math teacher is a bastard.
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︎ Jan 05 2019
1.99, but 6.99 when adjusted for inflation.
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︎ Nov 04 2017
Why did the pickle go the 99 cent store?
He wanted to get a good dill.
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︎ Oct 23 2018
Do 99-year old men wear boxers or briefs?
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︎ Mar 09 2019
99% of the dad jokes I tell go straight over peoples heads...
I guess that's what comes with being a pilot.
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︎ Mar 09 2019
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can.
That's almost $7.00 in dog money.
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︎ Mar 18 2019
Dad, I rented the trailer for just $49.99!!
"You could have bought the entire movie for less than that!"
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︎ Jan 16 2019
I used to work on a ranch that had 99 cattle
but when I rounded them up there was 100.
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︎ Oct 12 2017
What goes "99 bonk"?
A centipede with a wooden leg
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︎ Mar 20 2018
My girlfriend bought our daughter owl pants for only 99Β’
I said "Who wouldn't like that deal?"
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︎ Oct 15 2016
why is Yoda only 99% sure of anything?
Because only a Sith deals in absolutes
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︎ Aug 17 2016
Batman made a dad joke (JLA vol.1 #99)
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︎ Jul 22 2015
Saw this in the comment section about a $99 Bugout bag on YT
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︎ Oct 21 2013
99.9% of people are idiots
Fortunately I belong to the 1% of intelligent people
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︎ Apr 05 2020
Iβve learned 99% of the English language.
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︎ Oct 07 2019
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