I told my boss I need a pay rise and that 3 other companies were after me...

He said 'which ones?'

I said ' Gas, electric and water'

πŸ‘︎ 331
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderHallow
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy tells a friend that is credit card was stolen 3 months ago. His friend asked if he reported it to the credit card company.

No the guy said..... The thief Spends less than my wife.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/manicmoose13
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
This guy from Egypt called me to invest in a tourism company, and then to ask 3 others to invest in it, while getting returns from their investments. I declined it.

It was a pyramid scheme.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheHyperthetical
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my boss that I needed a raise, because there’s 3 other companies after me right now.

The electric, gas, and water company.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Dolly Parton just bought 3 companies: Big Lots, Piggly Wiggly, and Harris Teeter.

She's going to consolidate them into one company called "Big Wiggly Teeters."

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/anaconda386
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2017
🚨︎ report
I lost my last 3 jobs because of clumsiness...

With the optician because I'm an eyedropper...

With the sign company because I'm a name-dropper...

And with the gutter company because I'm an eavesdropper...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Punny names of Dark Souls 3 bosses.

For reference: Link to wiki

Some of these are done in a kind of "news headline"-style:

  • Choir leader fired after using too much sexual innuendo; "Lewd Ex Cantor."

  • Video on demand about a street where nothing happens; "Vod of the Boring Alley."

  • Man's brutal cousin turns out to be a great bloke; "Raw-Ted, Great Dude".

  • Panic spreads as toilet facilities take over the world; "Cry! Stall-Age."

  • A man orders a book of basic letters to look after his daughters belongings while he looks after the others; "ABC, Watch Her's!".

  • Sams brother cheats a dude; "Dean Cons the Peep."

  • A ride in the amusement park offers a wide range of emotions; "High! Low! Woo! Nah."

  • A weird and hard to describe new dessert; "Cold Lemon Thing."

  • A new star in stand up rises! Come see "Puntiff Sulyvahn."

  • Pirates start eating fava beans and a new drink is required; "Yo! Ho! The Chianti!."

  • A Long lived man has an unusual apetite for fish; "Old-Rick, Devourer of Cods".

  • In Bacteria-Town, a devastating disease strikes one inhabitant working at a hotel; "Cancer of the Borrelia Valet".

  • Roman god Cubid is ordered to take a woman to cave and kill her; "Drag and Slay Her Amor"

  • Osiris's statue has been in way too many marriages and people have started to call it; "Osiris the Consummated Thing."

  • The choir leader from before is transformed into a mushroom; "Champignon Cantor"

  • An english man becomes the leader of a Polish airplane company and gets nicknamed; "LOT-Rick"

  • An impatient tree person attacks a random mythical hunter; "Antsy Ent! Why Hern?!"

  • Horse named Elvis keeps making noise and a man shouts;"Neigh Less King!"

  • A child opens a chocolate egg and a white spirit jumps out; "Soul of Kinder"

Sorry about the possible typos.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dralnu22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2016
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.