I just returned from my MIL's funeral, she was hit on the head during a tennis match & killed

It was a lovely service...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Altar-83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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My MIL, rest her soul, asked about my background while I was dating my wife.

I was worried, as I'm a bit of a mutt.

She says she didn't care as long as I didn't have Roman hands or Russian fingers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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MIL sent me this toaday.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/guessmydogsnames
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2017
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My BIL always draws pictures on our take home boxes. This is our MIL's imgur.com/6JysP2g
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChicagoWind88
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2016
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My FIL when leaving the house with MIL, "You drive and I'll nag"

He then looks at me and says "marital navigation, Nagigation".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Prime__Number
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2016
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Got the wife and MiL yesterday

All while planning next year's big trip to Disneyland.

Wife: We can make our daughter wear a dress!

MiL: Yeah she could wear a tu-tu!

Me: Well if we're going all out, why don't we just get her a three-three!

eyes roll

MiL to Wife: You know you could wear a tu-tu too!

Me: The math still adds up, so we are getting a three-three!

groans

Wife: Shut up.

Thanks, I'm here all week.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pipiopi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2015
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My MIL asked "How do you pick a good avocado?"

My FIL responded "Pull hard."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingKliffsbury
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2016
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How did the pirate quit smoking?

He used the patch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sergeantscruffy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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What part of the Bible has the most love stories?

Romans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noinks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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FIL May just be my new favourite person

Doing a crossword yesterday with FIL, MIL & GIL.
FIL says "Hey did you know I completed The Times crossword the other day apart from one clue" (For those of you who don't know The Times crossword is like one of the hardest crosswords)
MIL: "Go on then tell me the clue, I bet I'll work it out"
FIL: "Ok, the clue was "Heavily laden postman"
MIL: "How many letters?"
FIL: "Hundreds and Hundreds I would imagine"

Dead

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Megpuss
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2016
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My Mother-in-Law responded to an unsolicited fax with an amazing dad joke.

My MiL received this unsolicited fax at her office. My wife suggested she should fax something clever back. She delivered.

πŸ‘︎ 879
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πŸ‘€︎ u/plutoniumhead
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2015
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My wife just got me :)

So we were sitting at at the table having hotdogs for dinner. My mother-in-law and I then both went to ask my daughter for something at the same time, me for the sauce and the MIL for my daughters glasses so she can clean them. Then we ended up taking turns asking

My MIL then commented that it was good that we didn't ask at the same time otherwise she would be cleaning the bottle and I would be trying to put glasses on the hot dog.

My wife then turned to me and said "Then it would be a Seeing Eye Dog!" And promptly burst out laughing.

This was made all the more special, since my wife is only now just coming out of a 5 year melancholic depression. Yay!

EDIT: Changed wording to make it clearer. Thank you very much from both myself and my wife for all your positive thoughts. :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yberry
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2015
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Going to be a dad officially in a month... I think the change is happening.

Went to visit the in-laws, and as soon as we walk in the door

Mother-in-law: So, JustAPaddy, what are you upto?

Me: Oh, about 6'1"

My father-in-law laughed hard and pats me on the shoulder, we are the only two that laughed... my wife and MIL groaned

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustAPaddy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2014
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The bride-to-be and her soon-to-be mother-in-law didn't agree on much during the wedding planning

Both being from Texas, the MIL wanted something BIG and fancy. And the BTB wanted more of a traditional outdoors gathering. They couldn't even agree on what to serve their guests for dinner. As the date approached, they were barely speaking to each other.

In the end, it was a chili reception.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2017
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Dadjoked my mother-in-law today...

My young daughter is still learning to microwave food. She attempted to reheat some of her food last night, but left the fork in the bowl. The wife caught it and pointed out that it could cause the microwave to explode and potentially hit grandma who was sitting with her back to the microwave.

Wife (to daughter): "You wouldn't want Grandmom to get hit by glass shrapnel and a fork would you?"

Me (interjecting): "Well, at least then I would have a reason to say your Mom is really forked in the head."

The MIL nearly choked on her food, but laughed and could appreciate the joke. She know she cray cray.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RickShaw530
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2017
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Summer grilling

On my way out to the backyard grill...

Mother-in-law: What did you say?

Me: I said I almost forgot the lighter.

MIL: Oh, I thought you said you needed the ladder.

Me: That's right, I need the ladder. Because the steaks have never been higher.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AVeryCredibleHulk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2016
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Dadjoked my father-in-law

FIL, MIL, wife and I are in a car looking for a parking space, FIL driving. We're in a packed parking lot and he says to everyone, "look for a parking spot."

I point to a row of cars and say "there's a bunch right there!"

Wife says "none are empty, though."

I say "Yeah, but they're parking spots!"

FIL gave me the stink eye and sighed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madprofessor8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2015
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Taco Bell conversations are fun

The wife and I had her mother over whilst eating dinner, a la Taco Bell.

After trying some of our daughter's food, my wife insists that it is way spicier than she expected, and proceeds to tell my mother in law she has to try it - Saying "I think it's spicy nacho sauce."

After a moment or so, I piped up "I wouldn't know, it isn't my sauce." and put on my best I made a pun face.

MIL loses it, and my wife looks confused for a few seconds and goes to offer me a taste before the groaning ensued. Victory!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/V13Axel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2016
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Dad Joked at Church

I was at my in laws this weekend, and for mother's day my MIL wanted us to go to church with her. I'm not religious, but fine, whatever you want. The problem is that neither my wife or I brought "church clothes," with us for the visit. It was unexpected.

So we're sitting in the church and my wife is talking to her dad.

"Dad, I'm just happy I have a pair of jeans that aren't all ripped up! I didn't plan on this at all!"

"Oh, hunny, don't worry. Any pair of pants would have been holy once you walked in."

Massive grin. Then back to serious, because Jesus, I guess.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/soomuchcoffee
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2014
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What is Fozzie Bear's favorite city?

Mil woka woka waukee

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πŸ‘€︎ u/googie1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2016
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Picky eater and coming into the family

I was at my in laws yesterday and I had an epic comeback.

MIL: I'm having pizza for dinner.
Me: Yeah and you'll get a pizza that tastes like a pizza. (She said she likes her pizza to taste like a pizza none of that BBQ chicken pizza stuff)
MIL: Ok. Coming from Mr Picky who didn't eat anything before he came into my family.
Me: The only thing I came into was your daughter.

To add to it all my wife is pregnant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wellsdavidj
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2015
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Being a lady doesn't stop me from making dad jokes

Yesterday I was in the grocery store with my MIL, right by the lettuce section. A woman grabbed a bag of lettuce at the top of the case (just above her head), fumbled and somehow managed to knock it with the back of her hand, sending it flying into another case and onto the floor.

Without missing a beat, I turned to my MIL and said, "Hey look, tossed salad!".

And yes, I laughed at my own joke. :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wordtoyourmother8
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2014
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This happened tonight with my in laws

I officially became a dad tonight, so I guess these are official dad jokes now.

MIL: You haven't ate anything today, are you hungry?

Me: No, I'm Mick(my name)

Me and my FIL are the only ones who laughed :/

Another one my FIL hit me with, but I didn't know if it was for sure a dad joke.

Me: They couldn't tell from the ultrasound, that's why they told us the baby was going to be a girl.

FIL: Well, at least we know he has your genes

:(

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustAPaddy
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2014
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So we are visiting relatives in Milwaukee this Christmas...

Dad: Wow, Milwaukee is a long ways away from home. This is going to be a long trip home.

Me: ...

Dad: You know how we could get home faster?

Me: How?

Dad: Mil-runny!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ihlenfeldt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2013
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Got my in-laws with this one.

We were sitting at the dinner table tonight celebrating my father-in-law's (FIL) 66th birthday. My mother-in-law (MIL) made his favorite dinner: meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and creamed corn, but since I hate creamed corn they also made peas.

It happened that everyone at the table except for my MIL took peas, and she decided to comment.

MIL: "Wow, I see just about everyone took peas and not creamed corn!"

FIL: "I took a little bit of both."

Me: "Thank you for giving peas a chance."

My wife sighed and I think it went over MIL's head, but FIL and I exchanged knowing dad glances. Today, I am a dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Funkmaster
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2014
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Mother-in-law out-dadjoked me

While bottlefeeding my 1-mo old daughter, sometimes she will hold both her arms straight out as she feeds.

My wife commented on this and wondered aloud why she does that -- my MIL said without missing a beat:

"She likes to eat a balanced breakfast."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingatomic
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2014
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Father in law likes to bike ride

FIL: "Going for a ride, back in a bit" MIL: "Okay, be safe. Make sure to watch your shoulder" FIL: "But if I watch my shoulder how can I see where I'm going? Doesn't seem safe to me" MIL: ...groan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cakedestroyer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2013
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My father-in-law at his finest on Christmas

MIL: G, your owl hat is so pretty. You know who else loves owls? Cousin B!

FIL: Who?

MIL: B.

FIL: Who?

Everyone: B.

FIL: Who?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MandiMcFly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2013
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Wrong tooth paste

I was over at my MIL's with my wife and my MIL's boyfriend. We got on the subject of how my wife hates cold, chunky food. The rest of the conversation went like this

Mbf: "They make a toothpaste for that. It's called sensodyne.

Wife: " I have tried it, but it didn't work."

Me: "No. It's sensodyne, not Trident."

I also think I stopped my wife from punching the Mbf, because he hates him and he always thinks he has the answer to thinks. So... dadjoked stopped my wife from assaulting someone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nolehusker
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2014
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