Er Puns

No change is expected.

Doctors described his condition as stable

He said it helps and leaves them all in stitches.

Only one, but it took several light bulbs and several months to get it done because the ADDer.....

Paid for the lightbulb then left it in the shop on the counter.

Dropped another light bulb out of a hole in his/her shopping bag didn't notice and ran over it with a truck.

Bought the wrong sort of lightbulb because s/he couldn't be bothered checking which sort of light bulb was needed cause that's boring.

Left the light bulb under a pile of clothes for several weeks before s/he got around to trying to put it up.

Couldn't remember who s/he gave the ladder too so decided they had to go buy another.

Took the old light bulb down put it on the floor next to the new light bulb got distracted by an idea in his/her head.

Ran to get notebook to write idea down idea forgot about light bulb for an hour as other thoughts came to mind, remembered lightbulb couldn't figure out which was the old light bulb and which was the new light bulb

AARRRRRRRRRRRRRG Who invented such an inhuman thing as a light bulb

They literally can’t even right now okay?

https://preview.redd.it/k01olayitzh71.jpg?width=490&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b079015a9243bfd365b962ab2c297b6e49eeee53

X really gave it to me.

Doctor said I was ‘stable’

They said my condition is stable.

Because all they get is normal saline.

"I'm on antidepressants."

He's going in for surgery at 3:30pm Pacific. All your positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

Edit: Thank you all for the kind words and omg for the gold! He's out of surgery and looks to be recovering nicely. All your well wishes helped cheer him and his parents up.

That’s it, that’s the joke! ;)

It had Corolla virus

Don't worry--it's only tissue damage...

To which I responded “It certainly will when you take it out.” I accepted the long awkward silence that followed as thunderous applause.

Apparently they all look the same and I should have left it in the yard.

"The ambulance", he says.

So I guess she wasn’t sick of me?

He replied “Okay, suture self”

Some asshole’s got my pen!

"Well fine, then. Suture self."

Well done

:)

Nurse: Is it alright if I give your mom some potassium?

Me: K.

I was shocked!

Me to Dad: Hey Dad! How's it going? I'm waiting for stitches. This seriously happens annually. I should buy a suture kit...

Dad to me: Crazy glue works as a surgical glue for some smaller injuries, hurts less than a suture needle, but hey... suture-self.

I heard the career has a lot of ups and downs

It's all a matter of how you present yourself

there was a staff infection going around.

I named him Mrsa Major.

My son is okay. He doesn't have MRSA. But humor helps me (mom) immensely when I am - or my family is - in crisis. I have way better dad jokes than my son's dad.

Last night, my girlfriend's grandma was admitted to a nearby hospital for a heart rhythm abnormality. The admitting physician was a great guy, and concluded his admission assessment with a spontaneous, and entirely unrelated, dad joke.

"Did you hear about the two burglars who stole a calendar? They each got six months."

He promptly dropped his stethoscope and left. Boom.

Wife: Are you sure it won’t go Easter?

He said it was Open Mike night.

It's morphine time!

The doctor told his worried family "he's doing fine and he's in stable condition"