Youre Puns

At the end of the day, its night

European

European!

There was an attempted murder.

Just put on sunglasses and youll be cooler

Bi-flex-ual

maybe you should Czech the refrigerator.

My friend is designing a t-shirt for Folk Fest and needs a witty, all-ages-appropriate pun to go on it, but neither her, nor I or my fiancee can come up with one. The image on the front is of a beardy man playing the tuba, with a bird (Cardinal, I think?) coming out of it that's playing the drums. Out of the bass drum is crawling a cracked-out-looking dude wearing flannel, who's playing the guitar-looking instrument, with arms coming out of that playing the triangle. A great pun for the shirt with the word "Folk" in it would be much appreciated, and I know you guys are good at making puns, so fire away! Reddit, lend me your puns!

tl;dr explain every single pun you make or else it gets removed.

For the sake of cleaning up a lot of my mod queue, whenever you make a post, explain it. There's been more and more rule 6 reports as of late, so this should help clear up a lot of that. This rule change is to lessen confusion and simultaneously help us clear out the reposters who are too lazy to even read the sidebar before posting. formerly rule 6 was:

Post must be a pun and must be explained in the comments. If your post or image isn't self-explanatory, you must comment on it with enough information for readers to get the joke.

We are now changing it to:

Post must be a pun and must be explained. No exceptions! You must explain your pun somewhere in the text or in the comment section.

###IF YOU DO NOT EXPLAIN YOUR PUN, IT WILL BE REMOVED!

carry on

I am asking my girlfriend to the Homecoming dance in about a month, and it's been a running joke to be as cheesy as possible in our relationship. For this year, I was brainstorming and I saw a pirate costume in my attic. So I am going to take her on a date to a nearby lake, and then my friends are going to row up in a canoe dressed as pirates. They are going to somehow give her a treasure chest for safekeeping (I haven't really thought all of this through yet), and inside will hopefully be one of your puns asking her. Please help arrrr/puns!

I'm a teacher, and due to recent storms we've had a few short-lived blackouts.

Today in class the electricity was being fixed by the company and they had to shut the lights off for a few minutes.

Secretary (comes in the room): were there any problems with the lights off?

Me (I've got this, I'm ready!): No, we were delighted.

The secretary left, paused outside and then came back in with the worst glare possible. Yes!!!

Thank you guys, I was prepared.

Edit: Front page!!! Awesome! This is the highlight of my day! Keep your puns coming, I love them all (and I'm secretly practicing them for the proper opportunity).

Thank you so much /user/x9x9x9x9x9 for the gold! It made everything that much better.

Keep your puns coming you guys (especially teachers!).

• A : "You know the drill

But do you know the screwdriver? I nailed that joke."

• B : "No, you screwed it up."

• C : "I'm going to wrench this joke from you."

• D : "Stop trying to hammer in your puns."

"Pun-patrol! You s-pun around on your chair way beyond government regulations!"

"I can't help it! I'm pun-sexual!"

"Sir, o-pun the door or we will have to use force!"

"Stay back! I have a hostage! I don't care if my crimes will ever get ex-pun-ged!"

"Lay down your wea-pun! Face your pun-ishment!"

"Sir, I just arrived and can confirm, he has a Pun-da!"

"Thank god for your pun-ctuality! This changes everything! Now go and pun-ch down the door!"

crashing noises

"Sir! We have fumes! God, what is this pun-gent smell??"

"Ahaha, you ran into my trap! Now die, Pun-k!"

"AAAAAAAAAAH!"

silence

"No time for com-pun-ction. Come, S-pun-ky, we need to leave. Let's head for Pun-ama."

EDIT: formatting.

So I have this app that is centered around dogs. I'm introducing a level system with 7 levels and need clever dog pun names for each level. I have a list here of the gist of what the levels should mean, but they are too boring as of now. Would love to see your pun skills at work!

• 1: Amateur
• 2: Junior Varsity
• 3: Varsity
• 4: Park Captain
• 5: Professional Player
• 6: Park All-star
• 7: Olympian Dog

Thanks! :)

So as the title said, I started training today for my new job and we had a huge meeting with all of the heads of the business and one of the heads gave everyone rocks that symbolized something or other.

I look at the rock, then at my two coworkers and say "Hey guys, do you wanna get stoned?" They groaned, as was expected, so I continued with, "Come on guys, don't be so rough on me. Making these puns was pretty hard."

My boss comes up and says "I think your puns rock".

Producing a amateur stage show which features Mr Trump. He ends the show setting up a small shop/fast food /grocery shop in a small rural location.

What would his shop be called? Hit me with your puns!

> "Hey! Urine trouble!" "If you come clean now we may shorten your punishment

 

 

> That was a really crappy pun

 

 

> I should just flush this joke away

 

 

> I bet you're really pissed at me for this, but don't shit on me

 

 

>I should cleanse myself of these puns

 

 

^Maybe ^I ^should ^stop ^now

Dad: I dunno, I'm kinda tired

Bro: Yeah, I don't think I could handle that right now

Dad: I think we've already spoken about this

Bro: Give me a brake, dad

Dad: What, you can't keep the chain of puns going?

Bro: I can kick it into a higher gear

Dad: I might have to reflect on your puns for a minute

Bro: As long as you don't tread over any of my good ones

Dad: Wheel see how long you can keep this up

Me: Hey, I like...bikes

Dad: ಠ_ಠ

Bro: ಠ_ಠ

Mom: ◔_◔

We were sitting around the table telling jokes. My wife is making fun of me for my lame jokes all the time. My wife says to me your puns are horrible. (my mom is Portuguese and English is her second language) My mom turns to my wife and asks what a pun is and my wife responds, "it's a play on words." My mom replies with, "well shouldn't it be a pow then?"

So as a young child, i had heard through the grape vine that a boy in my class liked me.

Me to my dad: "I like him but he's too short."

My Dad: "Well, better short than not a tall. (Read to sound like "At all") oh dad, you and your puns.

.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "

Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"

Because communication is key

Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit

You just have to listen varicosely.

Riceless

She said, "Wear your own then, dickhead."

[removed]

I can’t wait to see your face light up when you open it.

Because it’s capsized.

You were built upside down.

You’re welcome.

I live for them, they quack me up. Give me what y'all got >:)

It's very easily cracked.

Me: "and?"

Imagine the damage alcohol can do.

A brick.

....you need to let that mango.

Multi-ply

You repair it...

(Sorry I will show myself out)

That way you will start off the new year on the right foot

You just have to listen varicosely