thom yorke dad joke
so I was talking to my friend about what made our days good today, and he said "also Thom Yorke randomly dropped an album."
I replied, "what, were his hands too full? ba dum sss"
he hasn't replied back yet. wonder why?
What's the most dangerous part of New York in the winter?
Broke ny finger today
On the other hand i am ok
Authorities are searching for a four-foot tall woman who recently escaped from prison in upstate New York. She was serving a five year sentence for fraud after convincing a number of victims that she was a powerful psychic.
Now she's a small medium at large.
What do you call an elf that lives in New York City?
The twin towers of New York World Trade Center are like genders.
There used to be two, but now they are just a sensitive topic.
Also: The real 9/11 pays respect! The world remembers 9/11.
Has anyone been to Engagement, Ohio ?
It's a little place between Dayton and Marion.
What do anti-police protesters use to move around in New York City?
A cab
(It came to mind and I have no wish for it to be political)
Did you notice that people started taking the looters & rioters seriously once New York was hit?
Probably because everyone knows where the Big Apple is, but not where the Minneapolis.
Never ask anyone whether they prefer New York City or Syracuse.
That's comparing apples to oranges.
Theres a lot of tall men around parts of new york
Especially long guy land.
My glitch happened when I forgot to renew my subscription to a weekly news magazine based in New York City.
I WRITE ALL MY JOKES IN CAPITALS...
THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS.
Did you hear about the viagara truck hijacked in New York the other day?
The police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals
Why can't a man living in New York be buried in Chicago ?
Did you hear what the New York Times editor-in-chief said on their last day?
"Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today."
Why do Indians love New York?
Because there's a Delhi on every block.
2 cats in New York test pawsitive for Coronavirus
Do you know the top 15 states to live in?
Alaska, Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, & Maine
I once hiked to a lake with the states of Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and New York on its western, southern, and eastern shores. Not a bird was singing and the lake was still...
BREAKING NEWS: New York subway car breaks down after laptop explodes. When asked what happened, the NYPD responded:
A Dell set fire to the train
What New York borough has the lowest cholesterol levels?
I can't believe they gave that engineer who wrecked the train in New York the electric chair. And he survived it!
I guess he just wasn't a very good conductor.
Ever wondered why there are so many people named Tony in New York?
It’s because on their luggage it said To N.Y
How do you call it when your previous wife moves to New York from a small town?
The Russian president visited New York and stayed at a pretty swanky hotel.
He was Putin on the Ritz.
Dad:Hey kids! We are going on vacation to East York, PA. Again This year!
Kids: aww again?
Dad: yeah, I always like taking a trip down memory lane.
What is Edward Benedict's, Humpty Dumpty's cousin from New York, favorite time of year?
What does the chef of a Chinese New York restaurant say, when you barge into their kitchen?
My wife asked what I wanted for supper.
I said "steak".
She asked "what kind"?
My answer "I'm in a New York steak of mind".
Where does Black Panther stay when he's in New York?
What building in New York has the most stories?
New York City once had 4 sections and New Jersey needed to borough one.
When you regret ordering salmon over a New York strip
You know what New York City said to London when it was his turn?
How do you ask the bridge that crosses New York's Hudson River between Tarrytown and Nyack if it speaks German?
There's a detective named Frederick Lee...
His teammate is an anthropomorphic pig who wore a hood like little red riding hood. The pig’s name was Boar-Hood. So this one time, I wanted them to check out a masked menace in New York City. Fred wanted to lead the investigation. But since the criminal’s mask was animal themed, I said to them, “Fred Lee: nay. Boar-hood: spy the man”
What should you do if you see someone choking at a famous New York museum?
Perform the Guggenheimlich maneuver.
Why did the vampire subscribe to the new york times?
He heard it had great circulation.
Btw can we start a trend of holloween dad jokes for the coming month? Plus I'd love to hear some pumpkin puns.
What did the fisherman from New York say to the magician?
New York Customer tells the chef that he knows the secret ingredient
The chef promptly asks who told you? Customer says, I have my sauces.
What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?
I was once so drunk I went from New York to Alabama,
I guess you could say I wasn’t in the best of states.
New York Post: "How Patriots owner Robert Craft could get off in prostitution case"
"DELETER OF THE FREE WORLD" - New York Post front page on the Hillary email scandal
imgur.com/0BNIPzn
New York might have the Big Apple...
But Minnesota is where the Minneapolis
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