How to solve world peace
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Weeby_Potato
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
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How I'd singlehandedly achieve world peace [OC]
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brandonchinn178
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
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So, I was debating this guy about world peace, and he argued that whirled peas sound disgusting!

I think that's called an ad homonym attack.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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Achieving world peace is simple. Just burn all musical instruments.

Then there will finally be no violins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AutoCommenter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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World leaders call for peace

But are forced to leave message at tone

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaoticFather
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
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My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."

"Stop eating caterpillars!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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13 of my BEST Jokes

I used to be addicted to soap but ... I am clean now.

I am addicted to brake fluid but ... I can stop anytime.

If you are attacked by a group of clowns ... go for the juggler.

I just moved and IMMEDIATELY after we move in he starts banging on my door every night yelling at me ... coincidentally I just happen to be playing my drums those nights so I could easily tune him out.

I was just diagnosed with colorblindness ... It came right out of the purple.

I failed math so many times at school ... I can’t even count.

Once i threw a boomerang, it never came back, ... Now I live in CONSTANT fear

When life gives you melons ... you might be dyslexic.

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline ... She hit the ceiling!

There are 3 types of people in this world, those who can count ... and those who can't

They say three out of five people suffer from diarrhea ... so ... does that mean two out of five enjoy it?

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toydles
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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Finally achieved world peas
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FutureTheFuture
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2018
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A young woman was rummaging through her grandmother’s belongings, and she came across a mysterious lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp, Rick Astley appeared before her and said, β€œI will give you three wishes.”

A young woman was rummaging through her grandmother’s belongings, and she came across a mysterious lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp, Rick Astley appeared before her and said, β€œI will give you three wishes.”

She thought for a moment and said, β€œFor my first wish I would like to end world hunger.” β€œAn admirable request. Consider it granted!” Rick said.

β€œFor my second wish, I would like world peace.” β€œAh, this is a very difficult request, but it has been done. And for your final request?”

She thought for a moment and decided to make this a selfish wish. β€œAs a movie buff, I would like a copy of every movie in the world in my own private collection.” The genie a bit taken back . . . . paused and said, β€œThis I cannot do . . .” β€œWhy!?” The women exclaimed. β€œ You can fix world hunger and end all wars, but you cannot complete this simple task?!” The Genie looked away and said, β€œI can, but your collection will not be complete . . . you see . . . I’m never gunna give you Up!”

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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The Cheerio story

So once upon a time, there was a planet shaped like a cheerio. A small moon made of milk or tied the planet, going through the center of the donut shaped world. On this planet, lived an interesting species. They acted and lived similarly to us humans? But looked just like large Cheerios (with footings hands and feet like miis) Within this society there were levels of Cheerios: original, honey nut, and finally frosted. The originals were the backbone of the economy, doing the herd labor while the honey nuts ran the businesses and the frosted Cheerios (the top of the top) led the world. Our story today focuses on a single Cheerio. Born into an original Cheerio family, this lad learned the hard way how to work. From a young age, he was forced to get a job in the local milk refinery, where his dad worked. He grew up, and soon had a family of his own. His wife, son, and daughter all worked hard, but were happy. One day walking home from school, the kids found a runaway honey nut Cheerio pup, and decided to keep him. It wasn’t much, but it inspired our little Cheerio friend here. One day, he got fed up with taking orders, and demanded a raise. His entire family has worked in this one factory for three generations, and he wanted to move up in the world, not just for him but also his kids. His old boss however, did not have the power to promote this Cheerio, and he was forced to make a life changing decision: he would go to the refinery company and use every penny in the family savings account (under the bed) to try and get a higher position. After waiting on line for over a week, his appoint was finally here. After bickering and bargaining for hours, the refinery company boss saw a spark in this lad’s eye. He agreed to give this Cheerio a promotion to the honored honey nut glaze in exchange for everything this man owned, including the family’s prized honey nut dog. Was it worth it? Well pretty soon he owned his own milk refinery and was able to breed his own honey nut dogs, so yes, yes it was. Owning and operating the refinery went smoothly. Milk was transported from the moon to the planet using space busses, and the milk itself was funneled down to the refineries using large straws. After the milk was ready to drink, it was shipped off to be sold. He was happy working here, but eventually he realized it wasn’t enough. This Cheerio, once a simple original Cheerio wanted to follow the β€œAmerican dream” and do the best he could. He wanted to become a frosted Ch

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackcrackaman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
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A man I know was struggling to find his inner peace

He was talking to his wife about it and his wife admonished him, saying "It's all that sitting around you do!". After some thought, the man took to the internet and posted all the seats in the house for sale on craigslist and similar sites. He posted the loveseat, the couch, their barstools, everything. It all sold pretty quickly, and once the last piece was gone, he proudly showed his wife what he'd done. Upset and dismayed at what he'd done, she turned to him tearfully and asked, "Did you find your inner peace now?!" He smiled and cupped her face in his hands, looking her in the eyes, and said,

"Hon, I've got not a chair in the world!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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