Use it wisely
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︎ Feb 16 2020
I only got eleven of them, tear wisely
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︎ Feb 16 2020
My son turned 21 today and as we were about to share our first drink together, I wisely advised him, "Remember, vodka may not be the answer..."
"...but itβs worth a shot."
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︎ Feb 03 2019
Shoes wisely
My wife and I went shoe shopping this weekend. She was having trouble picking a pair so she held up two sneakers, "which one do you like?"
"I don't care. Be like Nike, shoes wisely."
(Athena Nike was the Greek goddess of wisdom in her aspect of victory that the shoe company used)
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︎ Sep 30 2019
What do you call a reptile who makes financially wise decisions?
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︎ Jan 06 2021
Did you hear about the wise butcher?
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︎ Jan 03 2021
Wise men followed a Star-Bucks...
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︎ Dec 20 2020
Why are some old toilets so wise?
.
Because they've seen MANY moons!
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︎ Dec 15 2020
A wise man once gave me the 3 unwritten rules of life
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︎ Sep 08 2020
a wise man once said "thick thighs saves lives"
https://preview.redd.it/m5ilmigjv4v51.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=ce48ec5cbcddbacbbaf121aed97c0585e6467cda
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︎ Oct 25 2020
Keep telling jokes from this forum. My daughter's getting wise to it. She just said...
"I bet you just Reddit!" She's very pleased with herself.
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︎ Sep 12 2020
How did the grape get to be so wise?
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︎ Nov 02 2020
A wise monster once said, "C is for Cookie."
That's good enough for me.
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︎ Sep 30 2020
A wise man once told me...
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︎ Sep 11 2020
They better stay peaceful cause other wise they might get chased.
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︎ Jun 03 2020
Attila the Hun had a pet snake who refused to eat.
He tried everything: rodents, small animals, and even cuts from larger animals, but it wouldn't eat.
As a last resort, he offered a virgin, but still the snake wouldn't eat. So, he called up the village's wise man.
Without hesitation, the wise man put two pieces of bread on the woman, and the snake ate her whole.
When Attila asked why, the wise man responded,
"Thine anaconda don't want nun unless you've got buns, hun!"
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︎ Nov 14 2020
I tried to figure out how far 20,000 leagues under the sea actually is.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
What do you call a swimming creature that hates violence?
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︎ Dec 10 2020
A wise man once said
With great power comes great electricity bills
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︎ Jan 06 2020
I donβt think itβs wise to βeat the rich.β
Theyβre all spoiled rotten.
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︎ May 14 2020
My wise uncle willed his frontal and occipital lobes to his son...
He had good presents of mind.
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︎ Jun 12 2020
I hired a wise owl to watch my kids while I was away...
Turns out they had a bit of a hootinanny.
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︎ May 24 2020
What do you name a show about a wise guy named Noah?
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︎ Mar 06 2020
Microsoft note-d
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︎ Mar 29 2020
Wise words
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︎ Jul 16 2019
Wouldn't 'Counter Clock Wise' just be
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︎ Feb 11 2020
A wise medical doctor once wrote....
From the Offices of Dr.Wiseman
⬳⬳⬳,⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳.⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳,⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳...⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳.
⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳!
⬳⬳⬳⬳
Dr Wiseman
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︎ Feb 07 2020
Some people are wise.
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︎ Jan 16 2020
There was a nun who was very wise, but her sister didnβt know.
Her sister was Nun the Wiser.
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︎ Dec 29 2019
A wise man once said βitβs better to say nothing at allβ
An even wiser man didnβt say that
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︎ Sep 24 2019
What road did the Three Wise Men take to visit baby Jesus?
The highway to the manger zone.
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︎ Dec 27 2019
The three Wise Men originally showed up at the wrong manger and found a different baby.
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︎ Dec 31 2019
Why did God make only so many wise people?
Because he couldn't have done otherwise
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︎ Nov 13 2019
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
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︎ May 09 2019
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off of Amazon.
I'll let you know...
Edit: For those that want the results
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︎ Jun 26 2020
The wise men come to the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus in the night, rapping on the door of their Bethlehem cottage suddenly. Mary yelps, answers the door, and says, relieved:
"You scared the bajeezus out of me!"
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︎ Nov 02 2019
She's penny wise
Lou Costello: Thereβs only one problem with our romance; Sheβs penny wise.
Bud Abbott: Marilynβs penny wise?
Lou Costello: Yeah, I ainβt got a penny and sheβs wise to it!
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︎ Nov 10 2019
I got all four of my wisdom teeth removed. I'm no longer wise but I'm very hole-y.
Because I'm full of holes and everything hurts.
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︎ Jul 02 2019
If you want to be wise with your money, don't buy any belts
Because it will just go to waist.
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︎ Oct 28 2018
If you are wise with dollars you'd be rich, what would you be if you were wise with pennies?
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︎ Oct 03 2019
A wise man once told me "Kid there are two rules of business and life. One is never tell anyone everything you know..."
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︎ Feb 08 2019
Those who have knowledge are wise.
Those without knowledge are otherwise.
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︎ Aug 08 2019
How do you know Jesus wasn't born in America?
They needed 3 wise men and a virgin
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︎ Oct 17 2020
My wife decided to keep her wisdom teeth..
Doesn't sound very wise to me.
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︎ Oct 26 2020
My brother just made a really good investment on a property
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︎ Oct 28 2020
Gandhi
Gandhi, by the time he died, he was a very thin and elderly man who had walked almost everywhere he went barefoot causing thick pads on the bottom of his feet. He was also an extremely wise man who many considered a seer, and he ate ethnic Indian cuisine causing bad breath........Turns out he was a super fragile calloused mystic hexed by halitosis.
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︎ Sep 25 2020
My son turned 21 today and as we were about to share our first drink together, I wisely advised him, "Remember, vodka may not be the answer..."
"...but itβs worth a shot."
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︎ Jul 10 2019
A wise Chinese man once said...
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︎ May 21 2019
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