Use it wisely
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FiresideLamb961
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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I only got eleven of them, tear wisely
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Breadimo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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My son turned 21 today and as we were about to share our first drink together, I wisely advised him, "Remember, vodka may not be the answer..."

"...but it’s worth a shot."

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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Shoes wisely

My wife and I went shoe shopping this weekend. She was having trouble picking a pair so she held up two sneakers, "which one do you like?"

"I don't care. Be like Nike, shoes wisely."

(Athena Nike was the Greek goddess of wisdom in her aspect of victory that the shoe company used)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/prosperosmile
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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What do you call a reptile who makes financially wise decisions?

An INVESTigator!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bronzeaardvark
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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Did you hear about the wise butcher?

He's very cleaver.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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Wise men followed a Star-Bucks...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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Why are some old toilets so wise?

.

Because they've seen MANY moons!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rebeljah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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A wise man once gave me the 3 unwritten rules of life

1 .

2 .

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bhop48
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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a wise man once said "thick thighs saves lives"

https://preview.redd.it/m5ilmigjv4v51.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=ce48ec5cbcddbacbbaf121aed97c0585e6467cda

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drakenozzypage
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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Keep telling jokes from this forum. My daughter's getting wise to it. She just said...

"I bet you just Reddit!" She's very pleased with herself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flayan514
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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How did the grape get to be so wise?

By raisin awareness

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πŸ‘€︎ u/infinitywee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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A wise monster once said, "C is for Cookie."

That's good enough for me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPossible
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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A wise man once told me...

Sage is the best spice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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They better stay peaceful cause other wise they might get chased.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ATMiceli
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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Attila the Hun had a pet snake who refused to eat.

He tried everything: rodents, small animals, and even cuts from larger animals, but it wouldn't eat.

As a last resort, he offered a virgin, but still the snake wouldn't eat. So, he called up the village's wise man.

Without hesitation, the wise man put two pieces of bread on the woman, and the snake ate her whole.

When Attila asked why, the wise man responded,

"Thine anaconda don't want nun unless you've got buns, hun!"

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_wild_redditer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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I tried to figure out how far 20,000 leagues under the sea actually is.

I couldn’t fathom it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vehiclesales
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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What do you call a swimming creature that hates violence?

A pacifish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KitsuneLuey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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A wise man once said

With great power comes great electricity bills

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πŸ‘€︎ u/black-widow-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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I don’t think it’s wise to β€œeat the rich.”

They’re all spoiled rotten.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dcrose89
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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My wise uncle willed his frontal and occipital lobes to his son...

He had good presents of mind.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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I hired a wise owl to watch my kids while I was away...

Turns out they had a bit of a hootinanny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ph0enixR3born
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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What do you name a show about a wise guy named Noah?

Noah knows

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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Microsoft note-d
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bongnazi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
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Wise words
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dankleftchun
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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Wouldn't 'Counter Clock Wise' just be

Clock Stupid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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A wise medical doctor once wrote....

From the Offices of Dr.Wiseman

⬳⬳⬳,⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳.⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳,⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳...⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳.

⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳⬳!

⬳⬳⬳⬳

Dr Wiseman

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnFancyPants
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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Some people are wise.

Some are otherwise.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
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There was a nun who was very wise, but her sister didn’t know.

Her sister was Nun the Wiser.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tru-Queer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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A wise man once said β€œit’s better to say nothing at all”

An even wiser man didn’t say that

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ironbattery
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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What road did the Three Wise Men take to visit baby Jesus?

The highway to the manger zone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotSamsquanch
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
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The three Wise Men originally showed up at the wrong manger and found a different baby.

"What child is THIS?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beck1670
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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Why did God make only so many wise people?

Because he couldn't have done otherwise

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?

The deep friar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theblumkin
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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Just ordered a chicken and an egg off of Amazon.

I'll let you know...

Edit: For those that want the results

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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The wise men come to the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus in the night, rapping on the door of their Bethlehem cottage suddenly. Mary yelps, answers the door, and says, relieved:

"You scared the bajeezus out of me!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gaiusnutcassius
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
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She's penny wise

Lou Costello: There’s only one problem with our romance; She’s penny wise.

Bud Abbott: Marilyn’s penny wise?

Lou Costello: Yeah, I ain’t got a penny and she’s wise to it!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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I got all four of my wisdom teeth removed. I'm no longer wise but I'm very hole-y.

Because I'm full of holes and everything hurts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ktmp93
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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If you want to be wise with your money, don't buy any belts

Because it will just go to waist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheExplicit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
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If you are wise with dollars you'd be rich, what would you be if you were wise with pennies?

You'd be a clown.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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A wise man once told me "Kid there are two rules of business and life. One is never tell anyone everything you know..."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearinthegarden14
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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Those who have knowledge are wise.

Those without knowledge are otherwise.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stjimmy101
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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How do you know Jesus wasn't born in America?

They needed 3 wise men and a virgin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuckinWimp87
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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My wife decided to keep her wisdom teeth..

Doesn't sound very wise to me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyDumbHumor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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My brother just made a really good investment on a property

It's a wise acre

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SeNoR_LoCo_PoCo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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Gandhi

Gandhi, by the time he died, he was a very thin and elderly man who had walked almost everywhere he went barefoot causing thick pads on the bottom of his feet. He was also an extremely wise man who many considered a seer, and he ate ethnic Indian cuisine causing bad breath........Turns out he was a super fragile calloused mystic hexed by halitosis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aw8nf8
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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My son turned 21 today and as we were about to share our first drink together, I wisely advised him, "Remember, vodka may not be the answer..."

"...but it’s worth a shot."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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A wise Chinese man once said...

δ½ θ°·ζ­ŒηΏ»θ­―δΊ†ι€™ε€‹

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WattoNUFC
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
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