Literally just now heβs making chili and he pours in some frozen corn (beginning of the chili making process) and he tries a spoonful
Me looking from the other room: howβs it taste?
Him: cold
Me out of breath from running in at the speed of light: so itβs a little CHILI?
Him: get out
But I realized that it was just a Fanta sea.
Me: I'm going to ride on a vacuum cleaner instead of a broom!
Mom who is a witch: wierd hex but okay
I told them I search for women on the internet because I have a wierd kink. The best way to put it - I browse for women.
Me: Do you have any antacids? Dad: No, but I have some uncle-acids!
Two horses are talking in a field. One starts telling a story about the races at sandown, where he was coming last with no chance, when all of a sudden he got this tingling feeling up his back. Went real fast, passed the others and won the race.
Other horse says 'that's amazing' same thing happened to me, I'm trailing the field, and I got a wierd tingle up my back, burst of energy and I won the race.
In the next field a greyhound is walking past, he says to the horses 'excuse me' I couldnt help but overhear your conversation, and I have to tell you that even I, at haydock got that tingle in my back, and won the race.
The one horse turns and says to the other...
'Fucking hell, a talking dog!'
We are watching a show that takes place in Newfoundland. They had a wierd accent, so I asked my wife: "Do Newfoundlanders really talk that way?" Without missing a beat: "I don't know, I've only met the dogs and they don't talk much. "
I went to the local animal store to buy some neckwear for my chicken, dont know why I got so many wierd looks when I asked for a hen tie.
Sorry for the wierd grammar, it's directly translated from Swedish. While having a conversation on whatsapp. Me: I need to pack in the first hand. Dad: Okay, but wouldn't it be better to pack in your bag?
First One A boy was getting off the bus and wanted to show me his Lego toy Yoda. He hands it to me and I looked at it really closely for a second Me: huh that's wierd. The student and bus driver are looking at me confused. Bus driver: why? Me: I've just never seen that model of car before. The bus driver then rolled her eyes and after some explaining the student had some good laughs.
2nd dad joke of the day. We were on a community outing and we were eating lunch at a park. Around the park there are some roosters waking around. We were all watching this one in particular across the street who was using the cross walk to come to our side. Me: wait a minute..... why did the chicken do that? None of the students got it but my coworkers rolled their eyes haha
