Fell in love with a girl who only knew four vowels
I knew a girl who could only add odd numbers
She literally could not even
I ran into this vegan girl who said she knew me
I had to tell her I'd never met herbivore.
Knew an bird watcher who lived so long he saw every bird except one. On his deathbed he was asked if he thought he used his time well
He said he had no Egretes
I knew a man who worked in restaurants his entire life. On his death bed, he told me he regretted that he never left to follow his dreams..
It was never the right time, so he spent his whole life waiting.
I once knew a guy who was a pilot but he wasn't very bright.
All of his friends called him plain stupid.
I once knew a guy who went to a party in Florida and got so drunk that he woke up in Alabama.
As you can imagine, he wasn't in a very good state.
I once knew this guy who hated all high-range instruments.
I knew a guy who collected watches
He would link them all together into a sort of belt — I thought it was a waist of time.
I didn't make this up but I wish I knew who did.
It was a gloomy day for a funeral. The widow weeped quietly in the front row. A distinguished gentleman approached her and said "Ma'am, I'm so sorry for your loss. Would you mind if I said a word?" "Please do", she replied. He stands, straightens his tie, and says "Plethora." Then he sits down. "Thank you," she said.
"That means a lot."
I knew a guy who gave away his art but he only seemed to paint ducks with incomplete faces.
I asked about it once and he said “I like to bill them later.”
I knew a guy who disliked reflective headgear
You can say he was a matte hatter.
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic
He was a subdued sub dude.
I asked the librarian if she knew of any authors who wrote dinosaur novels
She said, “Try Sarah Topps”
I knew this butcher who accidentally backed into his meat grinder
He got a little behind in his work
I knew a guy who hated deformed feet and allergic to dairy
He was lack toes intolerant.
I once knew a hoarder who kept a drawer packed full of matted and tangled hair.
I knew a Korean guy who would never stop his car
His name was Noh Pahk Ing
I knew a guy who collected candy canes.
They were all in mint condition
Wife said she knew someone who has three BMW's in their name!
I said that must be hard to pronounce.
Que eye rolls from her, laughter from my friends.
Warned my son about the dangers of drugs today. Told him a story about a girl I knew who went crazy from doing mushrooms all the time. Surprised, he asked, "Really?" I replied, "Yes, absolutely true."
"She became a little spore addict."
I really wish I knew who removed the jack from under the car I was working on.
The suspension is killing me.
It's weird how nobody knew who the Iranian general Soleimani was a few days ago...
It's like he blew up overnight.
Who knew I would fall in love with a low-carb, high-fat diet?
Turns out it had the Keto my heart this whole time
I knew a guy who's best friend was a sea bird gifted by his dad's second wife.
It was his plover from another mother.
Who knew trying to buy a deer was so cheap
It only cost a buck.. not a lot of doe!
I had a friend who knew when people felt like they want to urinate...
I knew a guy who named his guitar Provolone.
Whenever he played, he shredded cheese.
Who knew bugs could bee this funny?
I knew someone who would only drive an economy sized Chevy
I thought, well that's a Cavalier attitude
Not many people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother who was an evil scientist
His name was Frank Enstein
I knew a kid who tried making music with a block of cheese
It was always too sharp for my taste.
Who knew dogs were immune?
The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. Now we know WHO let the dogs out.
I knew a guy who wore a hat with an extra long bill. He said it was to protect his nose from the sun. I asked him why is that?
He said....
No one likes a brown nose.
I once knew a guy who was afraid of milk.
I once knew a guy who was sexually attracted to cheese.
Guess you could say he had a fetash
this dude at my school had two separate hit lists. we all knew who was on the white one, but the blacklist? no clue.
My construction foreman asked me if I knew who made accurate crosscuts in a workpiece by pulling a mounted circular blade down onto a board in a quick motion...
I told him I miter saw who it was...
I once knew a guy who cut small sculptures from Filet Minion.
Apparently, that medium is rare, but it’s the steak of the art.
I knew it was a mistake to take my friend who failed to appear in court out on my leaky sailboat.
As soon as it started leaking, he skipped bail.
I knew a guy who once used to do circumcisions for a living...
The money wasn't great, but he got to keep the tips
I knew a tailor who was depressed before he went to sewing school
I knew a guy who collected candy canes...
They were all in mint condition
I met this girl at the vegan restaurant who said she knew me.
But I never met herbivore.
A T-Rex walks into a vegan restaurant and is greeted by a girl who said she knew him.
He had never met herbivore.
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